Sick cars, sick girls, and no one buys me dinner anymore.

2006-01-20 7:29 p.m.

My miata got sick yesterday. I thought she had barfed up another sparkplug but my friendly mechanic diagnosed the problem as the tip of one of my sparkplugs broke off and disappeared into the engine. Hmmm. We're going to attempt a magnetic fishing expedition for the bit tomorrow but if that doesn't work I'll need to take it to the dealership and have them rip her apart. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. What really pisses me off is that I paid the extra money for the super premium platinum spark plugs. How I managed to fuck this up, I'll never know.

Checking my calendar I see that I have six doctor's appointments within the next six weeks. One is for the dentist so that doesn't really count, but still. Lots of people poking and prodding me and wanting to see me naked. It sounds a lot like dating but I don't get to do any fondling in return and no none buys me dinner. Bastards.

Extreme cubicle make-overs.

2006-01-19 2:58 p.m.

Yesterday's entry was kind of a downer so I'll give you guys something funny today. This was just e-mailed me. You got to love that procrastination in the workplace!

Just don't touch the face.

2006-01-18 11:12 p.m.

One of the things I am most terrified of is getting so sick due this blasted sarcoidosis that I'll lose my house and have to move home with my folks. My condition is so unpredictible I've even started carrying a piece of paper in my purse that says "Hi, I have sarcoidosis. If you find me unconscious on the ground please take me to the nearest Kaiser Permanente Hospital and give me loads of steroids and painkillers." My family even discussed the possibility of me moving during Christmas. My parent's house is currently duplexed and they don't have the other side rented out yet. Me and the cats could easily stay there free of charge. As comforting a thought as that is, it's also completely terrifying. I am fiercely independent. So independent that every man I've ever dated has called me a bitch with a heart made of ice - but I digress. I've worked hard to achieve this rock and roll lifestyle. I have my own house that I don't have to share with anyone, a cute little sports car and more cable channels than french lace panties (that's a lot, trust me) and the thought of giving all that up and moving home to Tacoma so my parents can worry incessantly over me makes me want to weep in despair. Of course dying alone in my house and no one finding me for a week after my cats have devoured half my body is a pretty bad scenario too. We have a deal, the cats and I. If I drop dead, they are allowed to nibble on my thighs, waist and ass but not to touch the face. That should nourish them for at least a week. However, I don't like the way Loki keeps checking the fridge to see how much barbeque sauce we have left whenever I make a snack.

To avoid this eventuality I'm undergoing some serious lifestyle re-evaluations. First I'm refinancing my house to get rid of that damned mortgage insurance and pay off my Visa. Next I'm consolidating my cable, DSL, phone and cell into one bill. Qwest is ripping me off like a cheap prom dress, and they screwed me over by making MSN my ISP who suddenly quit supporting Apple people. Screw you Bill! *Shakes fist angrily towards Seattle*

Games Bloggers Play.

2006-01-18 1:03 a.m.

The lovely Katress has tagged me in the newest Diaryland craze of naming five random things about yourself and then tagging five others. So let's see...

1) I have somehow gotten a reputation as being a music officianado. I've suddenly become DJ Meow-Mix-A-Lot. This happened completely by accident. Basically, I had a credit card, too much time on my hands and a love for the iCrack store. I've downloaded over three hundred songs and painstakingly arranged them into 80 minute playlists. Then I used my neat-o cheap-o Epson printer to print pretty anime pictures on my CDs. This impresses the hell out of my friends and now they think I know stuff about music. I don't. Really. This is the same girl who thought that Jane's Addiction wrote Sympathy for the Devil. I've also had the pleasure of filling up two iPod Nanos for two friends. That's like making a 500 song compilation for someone. So far I've gotten rave reviews.

2) I am double jointed. Everywhere. My fingers bend backwards, my knees go the wrong way and I am constantly falling down stairs because my ankles keep bending sideways and don't stop. My lower back is so bendy that I can do advanced yoga moves without practicing or warming up. I can sit on the floor, bend forward with my legs straight and lick my shins. That trick doesn't come in very handy but it sure looks weird.

3) I really want to learn to sing opera correctly. If I had more energy and some extra cash, I'd hire a voice coach and be belting out some serious Italian arias on a regular basis.

4) If I had to switch occupations I think I'd like to be a geisha, a physician's assistant, a librarian or a guru (seriously).

5) I'm a sucker for compliments and cheesy pick up lines. It's so easy to sweep me off my feet it isn't even funny. If you make me feel like I'm the only pretty girl in the room I'm putty in your hands.

I'm going to tag my virtual Diaryland boyfriends. Let's hear five random things about yourselves that I don't already know: CuppaJoe, Fergie, BingoGuy, Liquid-Mojo and Bootkiller. M-kay?

Previous | Next