I'm so lame I have to kick my own ass.
2006-01-15 12:54 p.m.
I've discovered that it's vital to my well being to get out of the house and be social even if it wipes me out the next day. Last night my buddy Beth and I went out for a nice dinner and then went and saw some of my improv friends perform at Mississippi Studios in North Portland. First of all, Mississippi used to be the hood, now it's prime real estate. I want to live there. Boutiques, bistros, pubs, galleries, spas, omigod, it's Portland's best kept secret. The show was incredibly funny. I even found a nice little spot in the corner where I could perch on the back of my chair for a better view of the stage. Sometimes seating is tough when you're as tall as a wood nymph. I highly recommend going to one of their shows. It's worth every penny (and you can drink in the theater).
When my friend dropped my off I managed to slide around my front door as I was opening it and rammed the security lock into the corner of my left eye. Yes, I walked into a door and gave myself a black eye. Really. I swear. No one is hurting me at home. I'm just a total klutz. A big goose egg popped up on my face but I was too lazy to put ice on it. Instead I just went to bed wondering what color my face would be when I woke up. (purplish).
2 People have tried to sell me ViagraHere's your cat, that will be $150.
2006-01-14 1:40 p.m.
I ventured out for some fast food for lunch. When I came home my neighbor's transvestite cat* was clinging to the top of the tree in my front yard. My neighbor had a seven foot (inadequate) ladder propped up against the trunk. "Some kids let their god damn pit bull chase him up the tree." "Mew?" said Sheeba from the top branches as he clung on and swayed in the wind. My neighbor's daughter came out into the street on the cordless phone. "They want a hundred and fifty dollars." she yells to us. "Who does?" I asked. "The fire department." The days of the fire department rushing out to rescue people's felines is in the past. Apparantly, if you want your cat rescused, you have to shell out some serious dough. "Mew!" Sheba yelled down to us. I translated that last cry as "Holy shit, the last thing I need is sirens, a big truck and some strange man grabbing my tail!" I decided to take charge. "I'm going inside because your cat sometimes runs from me. Stand under the tree in case he falls to catch him. Otherwise, just wait and coax him down. He'll climb down slowly on his own. They always do. No one has ever found a cat skeleton in a tree." I went inside to eat lunch and watched from the window as Sheeba repelled down the tree until he was safe on the ground.
* When they got Sheeba they thought she was a girl. It wasn't until they took her to the vet to get fixed they realized that she was a he and he was already fixed. My neighbor still calls him a her and has to be corrected by the family.
1 People have tried to sell me ViagraWork hours, improv shows and being in fine company.
2006-01-10 11:05 p.m.
I met with HR and my supervisor today to see if I can reduce my office hours to part time and work from home part time. I think this will make a huge difference in my energy levels and ability to do important things during the day like swallow handfulls of pills and take naps. I'll also get to watch Law and Order while I work. It's a win win situation. Right now I'm coming home from work and going directly to bed for two hours. The cats think this is da bomb. (Yes, I know no one says da bomb anymore but my cats do, they're a little behind the times).
I'm also going to try to perform in an after hours improv show this month. I think I can handle going to some workshops and doing a show. I miss my improv friends. They're da bomb.
I have a whopping thirty-seven friends on My Space account. I know eight of them in person and two are internet friends. The rest are complete strangers that have sought me out. When I set up my profile I decided to have an open web policy. Anyone that wanted to be my friend I'd say okey-dokey. This has led to a strange following of middle age men whose other "friends" are uh, strippaz. I'm not sure exactly how I fell in such interesting company. My profile is not sexy or provocative in the least. It's silly and bookish. What can I say, I'm da bomb. I'm going to shut up now.
2 People have tried to sell me ViagraNew Year's Resolutions I Can Keep.
2006-01-09 12:39 p.m.
� I will spend an obscene amount of money on make up.
� I will buy low cut shirts. The lower the better.
� I will watch every single episode of the Simpsons that is broadcasted this year.
� I will kiss as many cute boys as possible by whatever means necessary.
� I will frequently whine about my medical conditions.
� I will drink wine to treat my medical conditions.
� I will read trashy paranormal romance novels and revel in it.
� I will take bubble baths until my fingers and toes are perpetually pruney.
� I will sing karaoke loud and proud with absolutely no respect for the original artist.
� I will shake my ass at every opportunity.
� My hair will change color every two months.
� My house will be clothing optional.
� I will talk baby talk to my cats and kiss them full on the mouth.
� I will continue to write obscene letters to Dave Vanian of The Damned.
� I will partake in brunch often.
Delurk and tell me that you love me.
2006-01-09 12:13 p.m.
Wee! It is National Delurker Week. I get about 50-100 of you peeps snooping around here every day and I don�t know who all of you are. You guys know all about me. And I mean all about me - all about my health, my sex life (or lack there of), my cats, my boobs, my hair, what I�m reading, how much I love my Tivo, but I bet I don�t know darn thing about most of you. So I�d like to gratefully ask that you leave me a comment. Say hi and tell me one interesting thing about yourself. I bet you�re utterly fascinating. (Comments are open to everyone until I'm overwhelmed with that damn spam)
28 People have tried to sell me Viagra