Everybody Wang Chung Tonight
2013-11-27 7:18 p.m.

This post is rated NC17 if you're underage, please click THIS. My NaNoWriMo novel is tentatively named something romantic like Marked by a Demon, but the working title is turning in to Fifty Shades of Hell. Not because it's really crappy (Okay, it might be) but because it's turning out to be all about the sex. Even when they're not having sex, it's still about the sex.

You see my main character is half demon and apparently they are lusty creatures who are ruled by lust, greed and blood. So my main character is discovering through dreams and flashbacks, the reasons why she had sex early, why she lost all her girlfriends in junior high when she let a guy feel her up and how her sexual precociousness wasn't thought of badly when she was a kid living in a commune.

It was also really fun grabbing from my own history to fill in the blanks. Now, I didn't grow up in a commune and I didn't lose it until I was 19, but I did lose friends because of a boob/boy situation. I never had my phone number scrawled on the men's room wall, but someone did scratch "I love Kungfukitten (first and last name)." on the men's room mirror at the Curtis pool. The last time my T-town minions reported to me, it's still there. How's that for slutty longevity?

Another reason it's filled with smut is because smut is terribly fun to write. It's hard to write good smut (pun totally intended) but when it comes out right it's pretty awesome. From here on, we can just assume that everything I write is going to be a sexual innuendo, k?

In the past I always did the fade to black, writing. You know, your characters are looking dreamily into each other's eyes and he picks her up, or she picks him up or she picks her up, okay you see where I'm going with this...somebody picks somebody up and with white hot lust in their loins they walk into the bedroom and close the door on the readers face. We see them the next morning rehydrating themselves with lots of gatorade and high fiving each other over toasted bagels. That's all fine and good but what about what goes on when that door closes?

I dared myself to try and write the sex scenes a few years ago and it wasn't too bad. In fact, I thought it was rather titillating. However, in retrospect it was a little too romance novelly. You know, no once discusses STDs, their sexual history or which form of birth control they're going to use. They always orgasm together and it's awesome in equal amounts for both of them. Which is probably why they're high fiving each other the next morning.

So I'm trying to take it a bit further and make it a little more real while still indulging in the fantasy. No more mutual orgasms on the first date! But I still don't discuss birth control. I mean who the hell wants to read that? This is a fantasy! They're demons for Cripe's sake, who cares if they get knocked up? Just let the demons fuck, I say.

Oh yeah, I said fuck. The right language is important. About half the discussions on the NaNo Erotica Board is about what do you call the Penis and the Vagina when you write. You don't want to use the clinical terms unless you're writing a scene that takes place in a gynecology office and they're both physicians and he's screaming out what's he's doing to her as he's dictating her chart notes. Way too clinical. You can be evasive and say stuff like "down there" "nether regions" or "staff" or "manhood sheathed in velvet" but it's been done. Badly, I might add.

Really, it just comes down to the characters and what type of language they would use. If you're going to be explicit then cock and pussy are a-ok. Dick, prick, slash and cunt even, but I just can't use the c word. I took way too many women studies courses in the late eighties/early ninties to ever get over that word. But that's just me.

Have you ever talked dirty with you lover? Then you know the words you choose are important. You don't want to say "Hey baby, whip out your wang" if he's a cock guy. Not only will it ruin the mood, but half way through sex you'll find him singing under his breath: "Everybody have fun tonight, everybody wang chung tonight!"

The basic mantra on the board is this: Can't visualize a scene? Go watch some porn. Don't know what to call it? If you're being explicit, then use the dirty words, use the slang, just made sure it goes along with your story, the characters and the feel of the story. Can you use euphemisms and write around the dirty words? (Such as, he ran his hand up her inner thigh and found her wet and ready). Probably, but is it going to read the way you want it too? I guess the best advice I've read, is that if your own writing gets you excited and embarrasses you, you're on the right track.

3 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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