In my hood.
2008-05-07 3:08 p.m.

Scene: The quickie mart in a metropolitan city. A comely redheaded lass is waiting in line holding two 1 liter bottles of diet coke as a young man in front of her places a 12 pack on the counter.

Comely lass: *thinking to herself* Wow, he's kind of cute and he drives a nice car. He could have better taste in beer, but whatever. *smiles sweetly*

Young Man: Excuse me, I need to get one of those hot pepperoni sticks.

Comely lass: *steps out of the way* Sure. *bats eyelashes*

Young thug enters the establishment.

Young Thug: Yo! Homey! When did you get out of county lock down?

Young Thug and Young Man proceed to participate in an intricate handshake that apparently felons are taught in the clink.

Young Man: Dude, I just got out last week and I have to go back in the day after tomorrow!

Young Thug: Ha ha. I hear that. So what are you going to do?

Young Thug walks to the back of the store with one of his "homies" and proceeds to rifle through the 40 oz.ers while still carrying on a conversation.

Young Man: Dude! I'm gonna drink a 12 pack and a fifth and get Waaaasted! *The word wasted is drawn out and spoken in a sing song voice a couple octaves higher than his normal voice. A dog in the ally behind the store responds vocifericely*

I'm not sure if vocifericely is actually a word. I may have made it up or combined some words or perhaps just mangled the proper spelling of a perfectly good word. However, I want all of your to work vocifericely into your daily conversation. Got that? Okay, we now go back to our screenplay.

Young Thug: Oh man, I know that one. Heh heh. Where the f*ck's the malt liquor in this place?

Man behind counter: *Looks around anxiously at the felons and the clinking sounds of beer being knocked around in the cooler. I'm fairly certain that he's packing. He must have a sawed off kitana sword or some 12 guauge nunchaku. I mean they're in the case for sale. Gah.*

Young Man: *Pays for his stuff and leaves shouting out something incoherent to his jail buddy.*

Comely lass: *Quietly pays for her purchase and leaves the establishment only to find Young Man's car idling next to her. He makes a gun out of his fingers and makes a "chk chk" sound with his mouth. I believe this was meant to be a pick up and not something menacing.*

Comely lass: In your dreams felon boy. In your dreams.

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

9 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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