How to defend yourself against inanimate objects
2001-10-09 8:08 a.m.
I have a bruise the size of a banana on my left thigh. I got it from walking into a fire hydrant. You'd think with my heightened kung fu awareness I'd be able to defend myself against unmoving inanimate objects.
Things I am currently afraid of:
1. Suicide bombers in my town.
2. Getting anthrax delivered to me in the mail.
3. Gaining respect for George W.
4. Gaining weight.
5. Flying (I've always had this, now it's just worse).
Things I am not afraid of but probably should be:
1. Vampires.
2. Sharks.
3. Monica Lewinsky.
4. Small Pox.
5. Finding out that Keith Richards has been clinically dead for five years but is continuing his career with the Rolling Stones despite this fact.
6. Bugs.
0 People have tried to sell me Viagra