How to go insane part one.
2006-06-11 7:07 p.m.
I lay down last night and woke up at 9:00. As I was staring at the clock I had the damnest time figuring out if it was nine at night or nine the next morning. After a brief inventory of my clothing and the fact that it was darkish outside, I finally figured out that it was Saturday night. My long nap reenergized me so much that I found myself still awake and reading my book at 4:00am. The birds were starting to stir and sing to each other and I kept telling myself I had to go to bed. Again, I woke up discombobulated and confused as to what the date was, whether it was, A.M. or a P.M, where I was and why was the television set on in the other room. To make matters worse, I had French toast for dinner. My body is so completely confused. I'm also still tired. I think I'll take a sleeping draught and go to bed at midnight sharp. Hopefully that will reset my utterly confused internal clock. I'm craving a cup of coffee.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraFriday I am in pain.
2006-06-09 5:45 p.m.
Here's what my Fridays are primarily devoted to: injecting myself with Methotrexate, a chemotherapy agent that happens to be a good anti-inflammatory and known as a disease arresting agent. It's quite a production.
Step One: First you clean off the little bottle of liquid drugs with an alcolol pad, put your needle into one of the tiny rubberrized holes and fill your needle with yellow druggy goodness.
Step Two: Clean off your favorite injection site with an alcohol swab. I find the thighs or the tummy are good places to inject yourself. Here I'm cleaning off the outside of my left thigh.
Step three: Plunge in six cc's of Methotrexate. You think it'd all come squirting out again but it stays under the skin, swimming around in my fat cells until my body can be bothered to absorb it all. Place needle into adorable biohazard container and do it all again next week.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraSilly hippies.
2006-06-08 6:31 p.m.
sillyhippy
Originally uploaded by Kungfukitten.
After a blissfully quiet day of what I assumed was due to the hippies nursing a rather large hang-over, one of them emerged with a bunch of climbing equipment. He somehow got it in his pot-riddled head that he was going to climb the telephone pole. The telephone pole that is covered with power lines, junction boxes and lots of wires. In fact, the last squirrel that was fool hardy enough to climb up there is now sporting an afro, has half a tail and can no longer find his nuts. Oh goody, I think and grab my camera and hide behind my curtains to take pictures of him falling off the pole like a giant flaming stoned pinata. I think the fact that I grabbed the camera rather than the phone says something about me. Perhaps it says I'm more of an artist than a caretaker. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending upon whether you're an artist or a caretaker) the hippy did not know how to work his equipment and never made it more than a foot and a half off the ground. Oh well, he did provide me with a half hour of entertainment. Silly hippy.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraDie hippies die.
2006-06-06 8:56 p.m.
The house across the street from me sported a "For Rent" sign for a month. We were all a little curious about who would rent such a big old Victorian house. I immediately knew there was trouble when the big yellow school bus drove into the backyard. Soon after the house became infested with hippies.
Right now they're throwing a huge party. On a fricking Tuesday night. Who the hell has a kegger on a Tuesday? Aside from the annoying stench of body oder wafting into my house I have to listen to really bad music. I can't even explain it. It's an odd mixture of bass thumping dance music, Robert Palmer, some Ace of Base and the required Greatful Dead. I'd be greatful if they'd all go home. I keep praying that the skies will suddenly open up and rain down on them. Maybe a nice lightening bolt will strike their sound system.
When did I turn into such a curmudgeon? Probably when the decibel level of their crappy music surpassed my television set and swamp cooler combined. I mean, come on. This is a residential neighborhood and it's Tuesday. My neighbors just had a baby. There are children in the house next door to them.
Okay, here's how it's going to be. If they're still going strong at 10:00pm, I'm going to put on my ninja outfit (yes I have a ninja outfit) and am going to sneak over there and cut their speaker wires and drain the keg. That'll teach 'em.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraA little maudlin for such a nice day.
2006-06-05 11:04 p.m.
I parked in the public parking garage down the block from work this afternoon. It's pretty cheap and I can usually finagle some free parking validations from my bank or one of the stores. I rode down with a nicely dressed lady carrying a folder full of papers. After work I was waiting for the elevator and the same lady came and stood next to me. There was something different about her. She was glowing and looked, relieved.
"Hey, we're on the same schedule," I joked as we got into the elevator together. She smiled at me for a second and then spilled it. "I just got my divorce finalized. The sniveling bastard didn't even have the guts to show up. Not that I'm going to get a penny of what the court demanded but at least it's done. I'm free. I just lost 250 pounds of unsightly fat." She smiled and appeared somewhat angelic. I told her congratulations as she was obviously happy.
As I wandered around trying to remember where the hell I parked my car, I tried not to think too hard about marriage. I find it completely horrific that I'm nearing the end of my thirties and I've never been married. It makes my heart ache. I feel that I'm somehow unloveable. Defective. Ruined. No one has ever loved me enough to want to marry me. How sad is that?
I guess the upside is that I don't have to go to court and give half my stuff to someone who cheated on me with his bimbo secretary. Yep. got that going for me.
0 People have tried to sell me Viagra