Super crazy lava ninjas
2002-05-03 1:19 p.m.

You know we once had a kung fu tournament against the black stealth super crazy lava ninjas. If I remember correctly they poisoned all the referees then stole our shoes. I think Scanzilla was the one with the lime green uniform that went around calling everyone grasshopper and saying: "I would spar with you but I'm afraid I'd accidentally kill you with the touch of death." Or maybe I'm mistaken.

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The adventures of captain obvious
2002-05-03 12:52 p.m.

I went out during lunch to buy a sushi kit for my brother's birthday (Mel,he's single!). I stopped at the pioneer place food court for a paradise bakery sandwich to take back to my desk. I was managing my bags pretty well as I maneuvered behind a woman on her way back to her desk with a California Crisp salad and a nice cellophane wrapped wheat roll balancing on top. When we walked through the door together her wheat roll went rolling off and I accidentally stepped on it. When I say stepped on it I mean crushed it completely flat with my doc martened feet. My voice raised a couple of octaves as I shrieked. "Omigod! I just stepped on your wheat roll!" Thank you captain obvious. She retrieved her now pancake and assured me it was no big deal. Still I felt bad.

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Smoking spiders
2002-05-03 8:29 a.m.

Spiderman opens today and the reviews look promising. Simon is taking a half day off today to stand in line with our tickets. He's been waiting for this movie for 15 years.

In other news, Britney Spears was caught smoking. *gasp* Her healthy good girl image has just been flushed down the proverbial toilet. Hey, I say the more she smokes and stains her teeth and gives herself wrinkles, the sooner the rest of us can start feeling better about ourselves. You go girl. I'll even buy you a pack.

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I don't sweat I perspire.
2002-05-02 2:44 p.m.

Simon just called and said that he is doing a load of dark laundry and is washing my kung fu uniform. He said Loki was trying to bury it in the litter box. I hope he was joking.

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Swoon!
2002-05-02 1:46 p.m.

Go check out Ernie's new project. It's called Blind Date Blog. It's like survivor only it's full of romance and sweet bloggy goodness. I'm swooning for Davy and the Minister as I type this.

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My spidy sense is tingling
2002-05-02 9:51 a.m.

On Saturday I came home from shopping with a buddy of mine and I find Simon on the couch with a bloody head and the rest of his body covered in miscellaneous ice packs. He's on the phone with the Kaiser advice nurse asking him questions about whether he can feel his finger tips and can he turn his head from side to side. While I was out having the time of my life, Simon decided to fix the leak in the mud room ceiling. He was outside on top of the ladder trying to patch a hole by the gutter where the water was dripping it. Well, it's Oregon and all of the rain we've had the last couple of weeks has made the ground kind of spongy. So while he's teetering on the second to top step of the ladder one of the back legs decides to go underground a few inches. Simon goes hurtling backwards. He says he did catch his reflection in the window doing pretty cool martial arts cover but he still managed to fuck up his neck, back and legs. Poor guy.

We already have tickets for Spiderman on Friday night. I wouldn't be surprised if Simon dresses up in a Spiderman costume and spends the night at the theater tonight to assure good seats. In fact he wants me to dye my hair red, wear boots and mini skirt and call him "Tiger." Do other girls do this for their man? What is it with men and comic books and superheroes? Actually I'm looking forward to the movie, it looks like it has great effects, nice story line, humour and romance. I just don't want him practicing webslinging techniques on the cats when we get home.

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