He is home.
2008-01-15 5:38 p.m.

I just talked to my dad and he's home. He sounds tired but 100% normal. My brother is up there and got to shake hands with the surgical team in Seattle when they picked him up. One part down and two more to go (read below). I think this was the hardest part and hopefully the next steps will be smoother. I still feel like puking, but at least I have medication for that. Heck, I have medication for everything. I'm a week behind on my methotrexate injection and just shot myself full of chemotherapy goodness. I noticed it spreading into my elbows and knees when I was coming off all my medication. Not good.

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Keep fingers crossed.
2008-01-14 6:43 p.m.

Communication in the time of crisis is a weird ass thing. Apparently, two phone calls made to two people a few minutes apart, telling the same message will come up with completely different information. My dad had his second surgery on Saturday (I was told it was going to be Monday, today). He started to clear up immediately and tonight: HE CALLED MY MOTHER AND GAVE HER AN UPDATE. This is huge for someone who could understand how to work a spoon a couple days ago.

I am a bad daughter because I didn't understand how sick my father was and how bad the complications were. My mother would call, cry and freak out and I would reassure her and let her know my opinion on what was going on and we'd talk again the next night. I was constantly told I was a good daughter and she loved our phone calls. I would then send an e-mail update to the extended family. My mother is a natural worrier. She is also a worse case scenario person, so when she talks, I take it down a notch or two. The problem with taking it down a notch, is you never know when there's really a crisis. She thinks she's telling me one thing. I'm hearing something completely different. I also understand she hasn't slept, eaten, or taken care of herself for at least nine days. She's also manning the cell phone and talking to a lot of people so she probably doesn't remember who she told what to who. How could she possibly? She's a saint. I mean that. She took care of her man and was with him more than his doctors and nurses.

I was told that it was a miracle that my dad is better and is coming home tomorrow. My brother (the good child) is driving up now to be there with her and her sister. I was also called and told I was forgiven. I guess I was out of the will for a bit and now written back in. Oy.

Thanks everyone. I think internet prayers are miracle workers. Thanks to everyone who sent us the good vibes. I love each and every one of you. You guys rocks my virtual world.

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I am a bad daughter.
2008-01-13 7:21 p.m.

My dad is having complications and is still in the hospital. They released some water he had on the brain which was causing some symptoms and are going in tomorrow for a second surgery to get the rest of the tumor tissue. The whole family is a giant mess. Emotionally everyone is a wreck and now there's anger going around and fingers being pointed. I'm sick with shame and horror. I am a terrible daughter and a horrible person. So please keep the good vibes coming. I love my dad and want him to heal up after this second surgery in record time. *tears tears tears*

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Good news so far.
2008-01-09 10:24 p.m.

Dad's surgery was on Tuesday and he did really well. The speech therapist that met with him afterwards couldn't find any deficits and the surgeon, who thinks he's God, actually may be God in disguise as he did such a great job. Apparently, today my dad was complaining that he was over medicated because he felt groggy. The nurse checked his pupils and records and basically said "Well, duh, you just had brain surgery." and they all had a laugh at that. Usually people want more drugs and he wants less. I think this was the hardest bit and scariest part. We have to wait a week for the pathology report to come back and I guess that decides what type of treatment he gets next. He'll go home tomorrow or Friday. Their bedroom is in the downstairs so they're unsure about what to do with the stairs. He may just have to stay down there for awhile. I also thought maybe he could crawl up the stairs and slide down them on his butt. Imagining my dad doing that is a bit funny. Next is the adrenal gland and the liver. My mom is holding up well, but she's tired and all cried out. I think when she's home with the cat and in a safe environment she'll feel so much better. Thank you for all your prayers, chants, healing dances and good thoughts. You guys worked miracles, I love you all.

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2008-01-07 1:00 p.m.

I had to wait to post this as some family members sneak by here from time to time and we needed to wait until everyone in the clan had been notified.

*big breath* Christmas was wonderful. I had a very nice time with my family. Two days later my dad called me and it was like any other call. It started out with him telling me a story about driving our 92 year old grandmother home from her holiday digs and then the story took a sudden turn. My dad didn't feel well, he was acting spacy. They stopped at a random pharmacy and got a blood pressure pill and he continued on his way. When he got home mom threw him in the car and took him too the hospital. I'm thinking maybe a stroke but he was talking to me on the phone. Then I heard words brain tumor and liver tumor and I shut down. I shut down so hard I didn't even hear that there was also an adrenal mass. We talked some more and hung up and I lost it.

I remember screaming into my pillow like a mad woman. "This isn't happening, this isn't happening! No no no no no no." I cried until I couldn't see anymore and I lay in bed waiting for sleep that hasn't come since then. I have no idea how I'm functioning. I think I'm getting a couple hours here and there. I think I'm awake and doing something but I'm really sleeping. The irony is that I'm filling out a sleep assessment form for my HMO. They're going to try to send me to mental health but I'd rather stick with my guru.

Tomorrow my father is going in for brain surgery. I can't believe that sentence, even when I look at it. Today they did a bunch of tests and cut a three inch square hole in the back of his head. The tumor is right ontop of his brain in the speech center. They did testing today and tomorrow they'll take it all out.

Next the liver. The good think is you can lose 2 1/2 inches of your liver and his spot is where it can be lopped off. We're not even sure if it's cancer, it could be a cyst but with the rest of his body we're unsure. The adrenal gland can be removed and he'll have to take some meds to make up for the missing gland. I guess if you have to have three tumors then that's how you do it.

Please send all your love and support our way. Dad's at U of WA under the care of Fred Hutchnison himself. We accept prayers of all denominations. Half the family is uber religious. In my immediate family, we're more nature based and I study under a Peruvian Shaman. Craziness, but it's all love isn't it?

This is where I am.

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