Drinks are on me.
2004-03-21 8:41 p.m.

It was a beautiful day and you'd think that I would have been productive. I had some wild ideas about taking a walk, doing yard work and going to the park and praciticing forms.

So what did I do instead? I stayed inside. I read my book, scribbled in the ever present notebook, watched Crossing Jordan, Law and Order and then fell dead asleep for two hours. Productive. Yep. That's me.

I did manage to clean out my fridge and figured out what was making my kitchen stinky. It was some strange cheese I bought from Trader Joes. I'm a big fan of moldy stinky cheese but this was just ridiculous. It rivaled the cat box. Unacceptable. Brand new, unopened, it went into the trash along with a lot of other stuff that's been living in my kitchen since I moved in.

After staring at a pathetically empty fridge I dragged my lazy ass to Fred Meyers to stock up on provisions. I must have been thristy when I went shopping because I came home with: two bottles of wine, gatorade, bottled water, diet coke and tonic water.

Come on over. Drinks are on me.

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The weekend update.
2004-03-21 8:40 a.m.

I slept for eleven hours last night. Sheesh. I haven't done that in quite a while. Apparently my body needed it. Thing is, I could probably sleep more but I've got the kung fu movie meething this morning. They better have coffee there.

I went to a BBQ yesterday. There was only a handful of people there that I knew but it was very fun. (I went cause I knew the DJ *wink wink*) Everyone was pretending that it was already summer, only the cold wind betrayed us.

They keep promising rain but it looks beautiful and clear outside.

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Completely vapid.
2004-03-19 9:35 a.m.

I woke up this morning only to find the house completely out of coffee! This never happens, here. I make sure of it. So I had to go movie star incognito (pony tail, sunglasses and lipstick) and drive to the nearest motor mocha. I even got the trivia question correct:

What planet's polar ice caps have been melting due to a lack of carbon dioxide as documented in pictures taken in 2001? Mars! Someone high five me.

This morning is my wu wu girls club then home for lunch and work. Tonight I promised to show the town to one of my best friends from high school. My evil plan is to convince all my friends from Seattle to move to Portland. I will use lots of alcohol and subliminal messaging for this. I'm thinking pan Asian food in Chinatown and then some hoity toity club that has good people watching possibilities.

My new favorite song is "Bohemian Like You" by the Dandy Warhols. It is so upbeat, happy and completely vapid.

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Oh dear Lord.
2004-03-18 1:56 p.m.

Man Attempts to Nail Himself to Cross

...Lt. Pierre Boucher said the man took two pieces of wood, nailed them together in the form of a cross and placed them on the floor. He attached a suicide sign to the wood and then proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer.

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," Boucher said.

It was unclear whether the man was seeking assistance for his injury or help in nailing down his other hand...

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What? Are you talking to me? What?
2004-03-18 1:43 p.m.

One of my coworkers has just diagnosed me with an ear/sinus infection and thinks I need antibiotics. I argued that it was probably just a virus. She thinks the hearing loss is a definite sign of an ear infection. I went to the Kaiser website and they do say go to the doctor if you have a "sudden loss in hearing" or "pain and pressure around your face." As I am a well documented hypochondriac, I think I'll wait till I get home and take my temperature. If it's high I'll go to urgent care. If it's normal or repetilian (96.7 normal for me) then I'll just take some more sudafed, have an early dinner and go to bed. No fu this week. Darn.

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Cubicle walls closing in.
2004-03-18 9:58 a.m.

I am back at work. I did not die. My cats did not eat me. After reading 300+ e-mails I was thrilled to find three meetings have been cancelled. That means I can actually hide in my cubicle all day and, well, work. I'm uncertain if I'll go to yoga class today. Every time I bend over I lose hearing in my right ear. It's very annoying and make listening to my iPod seem very old school as everything in in mono.

One of my kung fu buddies is entering the Longbaugh film festival and is filming a local kung fu flick. I had to offer my services as a kung fu action film star, stunt double, make up artist, go to girl, personal assistant or whatever else needs to be done. Should be loads of fun.

Things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army.

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Feed a fever, starve a cold, but what do you do for paranoia?
2004-03-17 11:05 a.m.

The big drawback of living alone is being sick. First of all there's no one to listen to you whine and second of all there's no one to go to the store to fetch you otter pops, diet cokes and soup. You're pretty much on your own.

Then your mind starts turning to more morbid things. Like if I were to die how long would it take them to find my corpse, laid out on the couch with the Tivo remote clutched in my hand? A couple of days? Weeks? Months?

My family will go for weeks without talking to me and if they miss me they'll just wait a couple more weeks to call. My boss would probably call but I doubt they'd send anyone over to peek in my windows. My only best bet is the really nosy neighbors who would notice that my car hasn't moved in a few days.

Then there's the news article I read where it talked about people's pets eating their owner's body when they run out of food. I always keep a back up bag of Iams on the counter and the cats know it's there and how to open it, but it still bothers me. I just picked up Loki and looked him square in the eye.

"If I died would you eat me? Would you?" Then I notice his gaze has shifted to the bottle of carribbean spice on the spice rack.

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This is the plan.
2004-03-16 11:37 a.m.

I'm still sniffling and feeling lethargic. At least I got some decent sleep last night, it's been a long time. I had to kick the cats out at 4:00am as they were getting feisty and fighting with each other on top of me but quickly fell back into dreamtime.

My game plan for today:
1) Take a bunch of cold medicine.
2) Clean the house.
3) Go grocery shopping, I'm dangerously low on diet coke.
4) Eat lunch.
5) If nose has quit running, go to kung fu class. (Sifu gets cranky when you blow your nose in your sash).
6) Find a way to send Tracy kung fu pictures.

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Pictures From Friday's Test.
2004-03-15 7:37 p.m.

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Sniffle.
2004-03-15 11:39 a.m.

Was up most of the night sneezing, coughing and fighting a runny nose. A head cold has suddenly descended upon me. I called in sick to work around 3:00am. I'm sure my boss probably thought I was drunk and calling from a bar. Could I have gone to work today? Probably. But I've got the sick leave, I'm in good standing, and lounging around napping, reading and watching Law and Order CI seemed much more attractive. Besides, I already had an appointment at Groundspring this afternoon so maybe I can get some chi blasted through my sinuses to boot.

I had a brilliant idea of going to a movie with Acronym last night. Like most of my brilliant ideas it didn't quite work out, as everyone else in Portland apparently had the exact same idea that we did and the line at the Bagdhad was around the block. Who knew there were so many people in Portland interested in physics and mysticism?

I'm off to try the home remedy that works for any type of illness:

McDonalds.

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