The world is a safer/yummier place.
2006-04-22 2:44 p.m.
There's a new Super Hero on the loose. Show me Kikkoman! Show you!
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraDear Oscar, please send laudanum and a cute boy, love KFK.
2006-04-21 10:24 p.m.
My friend Teresa calls me. It's 10:00pm here and 7:00am in Paris. She's about to walk up to the P�re Lachaise cemetery and wants to know which graves she should stop by and visit for me. I ask her to stop by and see Chopin and Oscar Wilde for me. I ask her to say a prayer to Wilde and tell him to give me inspiration so I start writing again. "Gawd, you can't ask him that!" "Fine, ask him to send me a saucy young boy." "Consider it done," she says. We then ensue upon a long discussion on the exact color of lipstick she should wear on my behalf to kiss the monument. We settle on a YSL cardamon red. She says she must go, now she has to run or she'll miss the sun hitting the flying boy on Oscar's monument. (If you want to see it, take the visual tour on the link above).
3 People have tried to sell me ViagraMonk lust
2006-04-20 3:36 p.m.
The Shaolin Monks are coming to my town again! I'm on some sort of Ticketmaster e-mail list where I can buy artsy tickets a day in advance. Apparantly nearly geting implaed with spears is considered high art. It is in my book, anyway. I just got two tickets in the third row! There's a very good chance that I could get acutal monk sweat on me! ~again!~ What can I say? Muscular men in orange gowns breaking trees on each other turns me on something fierce. The last time I went, when the show was over I jumped up on stage and grabbed a piece of wood that was broken across one of the monk's stomach. See below.
Who have you been reading?
2006-04-19 10:40 p.m.
There are a couple newish blogs that I've been enjoying reading lately that you should bookmark and read as well.
My friend Athena has quit her job and is going on a Bliss Quest. She's hsyterical, I never know what I'm going to find on her blog.
I also ran across DitchWater which is a blog by a 22 year old overly caffeinated Singaporean. Her blog contains loads of wonderful pictures which constantly make me hungry.
What new blogs have you been reading lately? I'm always up for recommendations.
2 People have tried to sell me ViagraSequestered.
2006-04-18 8:38 p.m.
So, I got an e-mail from some random ass guy on My Space asking me why I was up so late (I guess I was poking around there in the middle of the night) and asking me to tell him a joke. Then I get another e-mail in a very annoyed tone demanding an explanation of why I did not find him worthy of telling him a joke. Excusemfuckmoi?* Uh let's see, maybe because My Space is not a priority for me, I don't know who the hell you are and I'm horribly ill. How's that for starters? Go buy yourself a fucking joke book if you require entertainment.
Perhaps I'm over-reacting. He's probably a nice guy. Maybe he even frequents this blog and feels like he "knows" me which is why he felt a little snubbed. Or maybe he was trying to be funny and I took it all wrong. I'm just not very happy lately.
I've been terribly lonely. Duh. You know what the weird part is? I'm not even lonely for real people, I miss my made up people most of all. Last night I slept with four chapters of "Blood For Persephone" under my pillows, in the hopes I'd dream of the woods and feel Micah's hot breath on the back of my neck. Crazy. I know.
When I first went away to college I was living in a condo and had my first queen size bed. One half of the bed was covered entirely in books in different stages of reading. Some were fiction, non-fiction, school books, paperbacks and gigantic reference books. I slept sequestered inside a library. Most of my friends didn't quite understand it. The boys I dated found my pre-coital ritual of carefully removing the books one by one to be rather amusing. They probably wondered breifly what they had gotten themselves into. Was I the type of girl who was going to require that they recite poetry on demand? Would I call out Lord Byron's name during the throughs of ecstacy? If they slipped their hand down the back of my skirt were they going to find a copy of Cliff's Notes to the Canterbury Tales? Would the sheets even be cold before she went through the ritual of replacing, one by one, each of the books into their particular stack, on their particular part of the bed. Odd as I am, I'd like to think I'm a good time. I have to believe deep within my heart that out there somewhere is an English Professor with a penchant for slightly sickly literary overly romantic girls. But I doubt I'll find him on My Space.
* This is a real French word. Go ask KungFuRamone if you don't believe me. This is what Marie Antoinette muttered when she discovered that she was going to have her head chopped off with the guillotine.
3 People have tried to sell me ViagraA Quick Note About Comments:
2006-04-17 11:25 p.m.
I shut off the comments for non diarylanders because some f*cker has been innundating my archives (he seems to really love an entry I posted on 7-14-05) with worthless spam crap. Diaryland users can still leave comments but everyone else with need to use the guestbook. I'll let you know when I turn them back on. Sorry, but I'm spending way too much time banning ISPs that doesn't seem to help or work.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraProbably TMI enter at your own discretion.
2006-04-17 6:30 p.m.
My doctor was running late this morning. This gave me a lot of time alone half naked in the examination room. I pilfered through the drawers (anyone want a pair of purple latex gloves?), tried to take my own blood pressure, put a band aid on my forehead and played with the cool plastic illuminated speculum. It's interesting how technology can light my vagina up like a disco. All it needs is some thumping music and glitter on my cervix. The doctor finally came in as I was trying to arrange the little sheet they give you to cover your lap into a fashionable toga.
We discussed my condition and all the ups and downs. I put on a good front, I smile and point out all the positive things but the truth is, I'm really sick and fucked up. My ankles and wrists swell until I cry in agony and if they took away my pain medication I'd probably chew off my hands and feet in a feeble attempt at escape. I've gone so far as to whack my elbow agains the wall to try to nail the funny bone area so my brain will register excruciating pain in another part of my body to give me momentary relief. I'm also tired and sleep so much that I don't have a social life any more. Plus, who wants to have dinner with someone who may suddenly vomit. I'm not a fun date.
The highlight of the examination was when she was pushing on my stomach trying to feel my organs and said. "Oh my gosh, I feel some serious muscles here!" Yeah baby, underneath the flab there's a six pack. I'll carry that compliment around with me for the rest of the week. Thanks doc.
Well, it is spring after all.
2006-04-16 8:42 p.m.
My friend Teresa called me tonight from Paris. She's thinking about moving back to Seattle after living in France for ten-ish years. She just got a new iBook which she calls her Pentium Panther. Direct quote from our conversation: "I just browsed the Personal Ads on The Stranger and fell in love three times!" I wish internet dating was that easy for me. Perhaps, if I spoke French.
2 People have tried to sell me ViagraHappy Easter. My eggs are fine, thanks for asking.
2006-04-16 8:32 p.m.
I totally forgot that it was Easter today. All I know is that tomorrow is Easter in Canada. I know that specifically because I had to write down my appointment for my pap smear. There's something kind of symbolic about the whole Jesus cave thing and getting swabbed down there. Don't think too hard about that one. In fact I'm sorry I even brought it up. So going to hell.
