Exploding Friday
2007-05-04 10:02 p.m.

I got home from work and was falling asleep while trying to eat dinner, so I took a little nap. I woke up to the sound of things exploding. I can't see the fireworks from my house, but whenever there's a show the echo off the river is quite loud. I couldn't figure out why stuff was blowing up until I looked at the date, Cinco De Mayo! Portland always has a huuuuuge celebration with beer gardens (are there such things as tequela gardens?) and rides, which now seems really silly. Let's drink a pitcher of beer then go upside down and get shaken up! But people seems to love it.

I should also mention that my doctor is sending me to two new specialists. Hmm, I wonder if she reads my blog. *waves*

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Prisoner in my own body.
2007-05-03 9:34 p.m.

Prisoner in my Own Body 70/365I feel like I'm getting to that point in my heathcare that my doctors are all sick of me and in order to get appropriate care I have to advocate for myself. When you don't feel your best, that can be really hard to do. No one has any answers for me. At this point I'd really like them to tell me if A) They don't have a clue what to do with me or B) They think I'm clinically insane and should be placed in a special home with little covers over the electricity outlets. Argh. I spent all day on the phone with my HMO and emailing back and forth with my primary care provider. And basically all that effort has rendered absolutely nothing. Except they probably think I'm a huge pest. I don't even know what I want anymore except for someone to help me. I'm going to be put in an eight week pain class. Two hours once a week. I'm fearing it already. It would be really cool if it was high level and they discussed neuropathways and the chemical breakdown of the brain and taught us anatomy. My biggest fear is that I'll be the youngest person in the class and they'll have us make macaroni and glitter pictures of our bodies and where we feel pain. Then after eight weeks they'll tell us we're all insane and prescribe melatonin, St. John's wort and biofeedback. Oy.

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Triangle hoo ha.
2007-05-02 1:27 a.m.

Cat snuggleI picked up my pink Victoria's Secret bra from a pile of clothes and noticed that it was covered in cat fur. The inside was covered in cat hair. I stood pondering this for a moment. How on earth do you get cat fur inside your bra cups? I suddenly had a vision of the cats in the house while I'm a work. I could picture Loki on his hind legs with the bra hanging off his arms like he was trying it on. Then I pictured him walking around, flapping his paws, doing a bad impression of me: "Oh my god, oh my god. Oh. My. God. I am so busy, I have to go buy more lip glos and drive around in my car. Oh my god!" And Trin would be rolling around on the ground with her arms over her tummy laughing hysterically then chiming in: "I only have two boobs instead of eight and they're huuuuuuuuuge!" ha ha ha ha. "I only have fur on my head and a triangle on my hoo ha!" Then Loki would throw the bra at her and they'd chase each other into the bedroom where they'd try on all my shoes. Also, don't forget to scroll to the bottom the page and leave a joke! I need mooooore! The stupider the sillier the better.

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Birth of a Goth Girl.
2007-05-01 1:10 a.m.

Cat Love 67/365It's 1987 and Dave's dad has a really cool beige Mercedes sports car with a sun roof. We take the car out one warm summer night and drive around aimlessly. After drinking too many cups of coffee at Denny's, we look for something to do before we go home. As we drive past the cemetery we notice the front gate is open. We drive in and start cruising around. It's a really big cemetery with a single lane twisting road that criss crosses all over the grounds. When we're at the furthest end of the cemetery, we see car lights flick on and know we're busted. The caretaker has seen us and is going to chase us down. We turn off the headlights and wind our way as fast as we dare down the twisting roads, trying to keep distance between us and the other car. At one point we pull up behind the mausoleum and kill the engine. We sit in the darkness not even daring to breathe. My hands are twisted in the seatbelt and we watch for the lights of the other car. I'm terrified just sitting here, but Dave knows what he's doing. I stare into the mausoleum and think I see something in the shadows. When the sprinklers flick on the only thing that keeps me from jumping out though the sunroof is the seatbelt. As we're waiting the sprinkler shoots water over the car and it rains over us. Lights come up behind us when the caretaker's car turns the corner. This is what Dave's been waiting for. He turns the car on, throws it in gear and we speed through the cemetery with the caretaker in hot pursuit. I'm shrieking things at Dave. "Oh my God, look out, turn left here, how do we get out? What if he's called the police? He's gaining on us! More sprinklers!" When we get to the gate he flicks on the headlights and double shifts through the turn and we're half way down the street. We're wiping the water off our faces and laughing hyesterically. We look at each other and I know in that moment we'll never forget this night.

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Just going to swing by the HMO.
2007-04-29 11:58 p.m.

SOTTS Sock Puppet Style! 65/365I am in a Flickr group called the Sisterhood of the Traveling Socks (SOTTS). It's a group of digital photographers who are doing the 365 days project and passing around this pair of striped socks. The deal is you have to take your self portrait with the socks and then pass them on to another sister. I got them in the mail on Friday, so for Saturday's self portrait I made sock puppets (Fred and Enid) and posed in front of my purple shower curtain. I look like a demented children's show host. To see other pictures and the outtakes click on the picture.

On Friday I had to drive out to my HMO to pick up a prescription that was supposed to be all ready for me at the pharmacy. I stood in line and when I finally made it to the register, they didn't have anything in the system about me. The pharmacy was packed and I knew that it would be a long wait even if I found my doctor, but I really didn't have a choice. I walked over to the clinic where my doctor was to harass the triage nurse. I described my plight and she looked me up in the computer. Then we started talking. She has ankylosing spondylitis and is taking methotrexate too. We totally hit it off and bonded. We talked about medications, side effects, treatments and abut being a cute chick with a crappy autoimmune disorder. She even logged me into her computer filled with doctory articles and let me surf while she went back to find my doctor. I don't think I've ever bonded with anyone so quickly before. I'm surprised with didn't plan on taking a cruise together. It turned out my doctor was still with a patient, so I told my new friend that I had to get some bloodwork done and I would run over to the lab and check back.

By now it was almost five and the clinic was starting to empty out. There were no other patients in the lab and I was told to pick any chair I wanted. For some reason I gravitated to the chair in the exact middle. "Hi, I'm new and just learning. Do you care if I try to take your blood?" "Go for it." I said. I have a really huge vein in the crook of my right arm that the technicians love. I figure I should be a good candidate for someone to learn on. Plus I have been stabbed so much in the last two years I no longer fear needles. I don't like it, but it doesn't freak me out like it once did. "Little pinch!" stab. stab. stab. needle in out in out in out. pull skin, push skin, pull skin, push skin. "Squeeze this" squeeze squeeze. I looked over and the vial was empty. She got frustrated and pulled the needle completely out. Then my nurse friend popped up next to me. I must have looked a little white cause she said. "Uncross your legs." She handed me my prescription and kept talking to me as a new technician took over and stabbed me on my forearm and took blood effortlessly from there.

By the time I got to the pharmacy it was nearly empty and there was no waiting. All in all, it took me two hours, but it was worth it. I think my prescription wasn't ready so I could make a new friend. The universe is strange that way.

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Make Meany Laugh!
2007-04-29 11:40 p.m.

Hi gang. Just a quick note. As some of you know, BlueMeany is currently serving her second tour in Iraq. I have her address and am putting together a care package for her. She's written about how she works the night shift in the office so I'm going to send her some Starbucks Coffee along with some other goodies. So I'd like all of you to leave your favorite joke in the comments for this entry! When I get ready to ship the package (probably on Friday) I'll print them out and stuff them in the package. So please leave a joke, even if you've never commented before, or got here by googling "kicking women in the goin" or don't know who Blue Meany is. I think something silly to make her laugh would be great. She's got a wicked sense of humor so dirty jokes are probably okay if they're clever. Thanks!

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