I am watching you Mister Cable Guy.
2006-10-21 3:54 p.m.
The cable guy is outside. I'm watching him carefully and monitoring the status of my television, internet and phone. For some bizarre reason Comcast likes to show up at my pole and disconnect me every couple of months for absolutely no reason. My account is paid up, I haven't contacted them, they just show up and disconnect me. I call customer service and freak out on them because my Tivo only has half an episode of Law and Order and they confirm that there was no order to fuck with my cable and they do not have a record any vans in my neighborhood. Like I'm crazy and making it all up or something. Luckily, they can "ping" me and see that yes indeedy-doo my cable is disconnected and they send out a different van with another guy who climbs up and reconnects me. WTF?
This leads me to believe that there is someone in a white van with Comcast painted on it, a really big ladder and a stylish orange vest that likes to drive around and randomly disconnect people's cable. He apparently, esepcially likes me. The last time the cable guy showed up across the street, I ran outside and yelled "Hey you! What are you doing!" I startled the guy so badly, he nearly fell off his ladder. He was hooking up my new neighbor's cable. I told him I was watching him and monitoring all my cable related services.
If anything goes out I'm going to run out there and fling my body in front of his van until he climbs back up the pole and fixes everything so I don't lose any precious television shows on my Tivo. Sad, I know, but when you don't feel your best, Tivo is a very good comforting partner. He makes me laugh, cry, entertains me and I can pause him when I have to go pee. How many people can say that about their current boyfriend? Hmm?
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraThe good, the bad, the ugly, the naked.
2006-10-19 11:11 p.m.
I lost my virginity last night. Let me rephrase that, I lost my video chatting virginity on Stickam last night. Let me tell you the scary things about Stickycam. First of all, the girls who are supposedly 14 years old have between 20-30 people in their room at all times. I'm guessing that the majority of those people are perverts/pedophiles. I also say supposedly because everyone on Stickam are ages unknown, 14, 18, 19 or 21. That's it.
My experience was pretty good. I got online and had audio but no video. A stranger named Eric popped in and talked me through getting the video going and stayed to chat. We were soon joined by someone named Buttlust. Yeah, Buttlust. He needed a firm rein to keep from exploding into psycho pervert. At one point he even said "Oh crap, I totally went there, didn't I?" Lurkers popped in and out but I wasn't on long enough to cultivate an audience. I also kept my clothes on and wasn't acting like a complete moron, which seems to be a popular thing to do.
Before I logged out, I was browsing who was online, looking for some familiar names. There was one room that had 132 people in it. Holy crap! The average is about 2-20. I had to see what the heck was going on. *Click!* Teenage suicidal bipolar girl dancing around in her panties. Her profile was all psycho angry about how people were taping her "shows" for their own pleasure. Uh, you're dancing naked on the internet. What the hell do you expect, little girl? I also love the women who post near naked pictures of themselves and then write very irate things in their profiles about how tired they are of guys asking them to show their boobs. Uh, you pretty much showed them in your profile and your screen name is xxluv2fukxx. Why on earth would someone think you're an internet ho and take it off? Also, what's the deal with all the men being shirtless in their profile pictures? Is that a secret sign that they're gay or are they the perverts or are they just proud that they have nice abs? Do all men chat shirtless? It boggles my mind. I just don't get it.
That said, I did this week's comic based on my video chatting adventures. Enjoy!
Also, Cingi is back blogging so stop by and leave her a comment and encourage her to continue to tell us her exploits. Her writing cracks me up!
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraAnd now for something completely different.
2006-10-18 12:36 a.m.
And now for some Free Association (thanks Bindyree!)
I say this and you say...
Weeks :: Months
Cough :: Lungs
Jail :: Oz
Produced :: By
? :: Mark
Stapler :: Staplee
Next :: Forward
Perky :: Cheerleader
Oxygen :: Bar
Musical :: Karaoke
Wanna play along? Cut and paste your answers into the comments section and/or on your own blog.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraNo warning, just BAM!
2006-10-17 3:35 p.m.
I had to drive out to Gresham yesterday evening to get a fun filled prescription. I say fun filled, because what could be funner than counting out tiny pills and putting them in a bottle, hrm? Watching sand in an hourglass? Counting all your hair? Boo-ya!
So as I'm waiting in line, right next to me is the table to fill out paper work for flu shots. There's a line. If there's no line after I pick up my prescription then I'll get my flu shot I negotiate with myself. You see, Handome Pulmonology Doc commanded me to get a flu shot this year and I'm a nice compliant patient. Plus, I have this thing against projectile vomiting. Don't like it. Never have.
Wouldn't you know it, there was no line when I was done? *sigh* I'm so sick of needles, but I sign my paperwork and flash my health card. Another plus, it's free because I have the cute little health card. Rock and roll. I'm told to go down this long narrow hallway to another room where I hand over my paper. The nurse that waves me over looks haggared. She's been stabbing people all day. There's no warning, I don't even get to sit down as her sweater is on the patient chair. I just slip off my leather jacket and she wipes my arm down and *bam!* injects me. Why do flu shots always hurt the next few days? The whole musclely area on my deltoid hurts. I couldn't even sleep on my right side last night (I'm left handed so I didn't give her my dominant arm). Stupid shots.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraMildred is gonna get fired.
2006-10-16 1:22 p.m.
I was browsing around on Amazon.com yesterday and ran across this ad while looking through the costumes on clearance. Maybe that's what a shaved wookie looks like. No wonder they have two used costumes. This probably cracked me up more than it should have. In fact, I'm still laughing about it! I think their data entry person's (Mildred's) brain was still on vacation when she typed this in.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraBe afraid, be very afraid.
2006-10-16 12:49 a.m.
I'm trying to scare myself into October. The leaves are still green and on the trees. It doesn't feel like fall to me yet. Where are the vampires, the werewolves and the gigantic man eating cats? Many appearances by Trinity who plays herself, monster cat and vampire cat.
0 People have tried to sell me Viagra