Plastic, silicone and other bodily nips.
2003-10-12 5:15 p.m.
Re: Kill Bill. What the hell happened to Daryl Hannah's face? She's obviously had a ton of plastic surgery. Her lips are huge and end right under her nose. She has cheek implants that have altered the structure of her entire face. She looks like somone completely different. And what's up with the weird crinkly turkey waddle stuff at the end of her chin? Daryl, what have you done? Did you keep the receipt?
1 People have tried to sell me ViagraKill Bill, gory as expected.
2003-10-10 11:12 p.m.
Just got back from seeing Kill Bill tonight. Normally I'm not much of a Tarentino fan. I have my limits on the amount of gore that I can handle in a movie but something about Kill Bill intrigued me enough to go. Perhaps it was the samurai sword fighting scene. The violence was especially gory but the scene cuts were quick enough to keep you from being too stunned and sickened. Some of the scenes were so bloody that they were actually funny. The one that comes to mind is when a yakuza kingpin got his head chopped of by Lucy Lui, and blood gushed out of his neck like a geyser for a ridiculously extended period of time. At one point Uma Thurman had a long scene where she fought off hundreds of yakuza gang members with her samurai sword. It was great choreography and funktastic music. When the scene went to black and white the blood gushing became clear instead of dark. When the scene ended and everything was back to color, the floor was bathed in crimson with loads of people dead or missing body parts. Ew. I'm glad I went and saw it and will see part two when it comes out, but now I need violence detox before going to bed, maybe some Simpsons or Futurama reruns. Better yet, some Britcoms. Something that will give me nice or just stupid dreams.
1 People have tried to sell me ViagraDon't forget to tip your waiter.
2003-10-09 10:57 a.m.
My mouthy reputation at work has landed me a consulting gig this morning thinking up silly jokes for a coworker who has to give a speech for a bunch of rehab specialists in Bend this weekend. Here's what we came up with:
A three legged dog walks into a wild west bar and says "I'm looking for the man that shot my pa(w)."
A duck walks into a pharmacy and says "Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill."
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and left leg in a car crash? He's all right now.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
What goes clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop,clip-clop, bang, bang, clip-clop, clip-clop? An Amish drive-by shooting.
Did you hear about the new courderoy pillows? They're making headlines!
Any more jokes for Ed? Leave 'em in the comments.
2 People have tried to sell me ViagraDragon breath.
2003-10-09 9:37 a.m.
I can tell it's getting cold outside because both cats slept with me last night. They sleep up against my legs wrapped around each other like a big yin and yang symbol. This is usually proceeded by an aggressive dual grooming session. Apparently the cats have been looking for other ways to stay warm in the declining temperatures. I was soaking in a bubble bath last night writing really god awful pity poetry when I could hear the thunking sound of a cat jumping up on the kitchen counter. The cats are not suppose to be up there but I knew there was no food (remind me to tell you sandwhich incident story some day) up there so I just feigned ignorance and continued in my poetic revelry. A couple of minutes later a little brown paw was shoving something under the door. The cats think it's great fun to push toys and other things under the bathroom door, hoping that you'll push them back and play with them. When I got out of the bath I saw that Trinity had pushed a half eaten thai pepper under the door. (they were left drying ontop of the microwave) Me-ouch! That's gotta be spicy. I called her dragon breath for the rest of the night.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraShelleyan Rhapsody.
2003-10-08 11:52 a.m.
With frantic gesture and short breathless cry
Folded his frame in her dissolving arms.
Now blackness veiled his dizzy eyes, and night
Involved and swallowed up the vision
--Alastor by Percy Bysshe Shelley
Yet more proof that Shelley was a vampire. This is all fodder for my NaNoWriMo novel. Homeless eating vampires in Portland and a librarian superhero. If that doesn't make the New York Times bestseller list than I don't know what will.
Again I'm tucked in on the couch reading books and sipping coffee. I figure if I miss one day of work I might as well miss another. I suppose I should do something constructive like bathe or eat but I just don't feel llike it.
1 People have tried to sell me ViagraSick and hedonistic.
2003-10-07 3:40 p.m.
I am home sick today. Woke up with a migraine, muscle aches and chest pain. I�ve got the migraine down to an annoying roar. I�m sure the rest is psychosomatic, my own form of bodily madness.
I�ve been tucked up on the couch reading the biography "Mary Shelley" by Miranda Seymour. Such scandal. Did you know that Percy Shelley was already married to another woman who was pregnant when he ran off with seventeen year old Mary and her stepsister, Claire? Soon Mary was pregnant then lost the baby after birth. Later still there is mysterious hints that Shelley also got Claire pregnant and she was absconded off to friends for the duration of the pregnancy. The small group tried to start a free love commune with like-minded individuals. Shelley even tried to press Mary into an affair with one of his friends. All of this before they hook up with the lecherous Lord Byron. We�re talking the early eighteen hundreds.
Reading this makes me wonder why I�m not reading original texts in Latin, why am I not spending the seasons in exotic environment with like minded intellectual artists and scholars. Then I remember. I need a job to have money to survive. Kind of puts a dampner on my hedonistic instincts.
2 People have tried to sell me ViagraMelancholy Monday.
2003-10-06 10:09 a.m.
My neck hurts this morning. I'm probably the only person I know that can sustain a DRI (dance related injury) without it involving another person. Actually my neck is just a little sore, it'll be fine by tomorrow. Too much throwing around of the blonde hair to the Cult and Siouxie on Saturday night. It was like being in high school again without the awkwardness or acne.
I don't feel like doing any work today. No matter which pile I rest my eyes on it doesn't seem to motivate me to do anything. All I want to do is take a nap. The rains are suppose to start this week, which is probably why I am so melancholy.
I've had amazingly lucid dreams every morning. Most of them very interesting and fun. I need to start writing down my dreams again, they slip away so easily as soon as I get up.
2 People have tried to sell me Viagra