You can hurt me do whatever you like.
2008-10-21 5:07 p.m.

I got yelled at by my boss today for a long time. In fact he really started to get into the groove of things and when he began repeating himself, I considered lighting up a cigarette and taking a hit off the flask in my purse, but instead I was a good girl and maintained watery eye contact and maximum cleavage like any good employee who wants to keep her awesome corporate job. I think I would have felt better if he had just hauled off and decked me one in the jaw instead.

In fact, I think we should reestablish corporal punishment in the work place. I'm sick of "mentors" "approvers" and "cornerstones of exploration" and "areas of improvement." If I fuck up, haul off and give me a god damn black eye. I promise I won't do whatever it is I did again and I'd brandish a black and blue warning for the entire team. In fact, let's get rid of teams and team building. We're not teams! We're gangs!

It should work the same way with rewards. On casual day we should be able to wear leather and drink beer in our cubicles. And on my Performance Appraisal or Tequila Friday don't only give me a raise, but give me ten minutes in the supply closet to grab as much shit and I can and sell it on E-Bay. And after fifteen years everyone gets a Harley Davidson.

Kudos for whomever knows the song the title was stolen from. I love steroids but I forgot about the part where I no longer sleep and how it feels like someone stabbed my heart with adrenaline. Somebody please knock me unconscious. Just for eight hours. Please.

6 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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