Lick my ear.
2008-08-28 2:29 p.m.

I stumbled upon Midge and Buck today and it totally had me cracking up. Episode four is definitely my favorite. Speaking of hilarious cat duos, I was trying out my new SonicCare toothbrush and both cats came into the bathroom and sat five feet away from met and watched. Now and then one of them would point at my mouth as if to say "Did you know you have an enraged hummingbird in your mouth and poking it with that stick is just getting it angrier?" They think I do the strangest things.

3 People have tried to sell me Viagra
2008-08-26 3:08 p.m.

For anyone for gives a flying lemming about the sudden appearance of black helicopters over Portland: They continued their practice until about 11:00pm. Once it got dark they got a little more daring and flew lower over the residential areas. I'm fairly used to my father buzzing our house along with half the flying Ft. Lewis battalion growing up, so I didn't really freak out. After a little googling, I found they did this in Denver before the Democratic Convention and pissed off a lot of people because they were setting off car alarms and forcing people to pay for years and years of therapy for their neurotic dogs. I only saw one cat high tail it for home and no dogs seemed to care. Maybe someone big and politically famous is coming to town? I'm woefully out of touch. For the last eight months I have starved myself, hidden in my bedroom and watched more anime than a acne scarred Otaku. It's sad. Fumoffu.

I did manage to get to an improv class and the entire room screamed out "Jesus Christ!" Which was nice. I haven't been confused with him lately so I'm happy the long hair and sandals thing is working for me. So. Going. To. Hell.

2 People have tried to sell me Viagra
This just in.
2008-08-25 7:19 p.m.

I just watched four corbra military helicopters sortie up and down Powell street twice. What's strange is I don't think Portland has a cobra helicopter unit. The closest one is in Ft. Lewis that my dad used to fly in. Why are they here? What the hell's going on outside my house?

2 People have tried to sell me Viagra
iPhone in the Family
2008-08-25 6:39 p.m.

A car quiz once told me that owning a Miata meant "I do not fear being decapitated by a semi truck while driving on the highway" and I pretty much felt that way while driving up to T-town and back this weekend. Of course, I was driving a consistent 72 (speed limit for cars is 70 on this stretch of highway) and traffic wasn't bad. In fact, I hardly white knuckled it past any semi-trucks.

My dad is doing all right. He's in a trial for a new chemo drug and it seems to be shrinking the brain tumor a tiny bit. As long as it doesn't grow, we're happy. After a rocky beginning filled with steroid induced diabetes, brain swelling from radiation, temporary right sided weakness, and all that jazz, he seems to have settled into his treatment. He's planning on living another 20 years and believes he can start driving again when he goes off chemo. I don't know if they ever let you go off chemo? I'm sure they can try other medications. He's a little drain bamaged (It's in the speech center which is why they can't operate on this one) but some of that is from the chemo drug which also makes him 'fuzzy.' But his core personality is there and he's happy to be here, will go anywhere you want to go and considers working the U Scan line at Fred Meyers to be great therapy.

The big even this weekend was to take my mom to the AT&T store and hook her up with an iPhone. The store was packed, so I found the cutest checker at the cash register island who was helping another customer and fixed him with a kittenish come-hither stare until he looked up and said "Hi! I'll be right with you!" Then when the customer left, I pushed my mother in front of me and said. "Hi, she's ready to buy an iPhone!" He was a good guy. He gave her a military discount and hooked her up with a wicked cool phone number: XXX-1010 awesome. "I'm really good at finding good phone numbers!" he said. He also transferred over her numbers from her old pay as you go phone. Wasn't that nice?

Later that night my mom and I sat on the couch and played "Holdem" a Texas Hold 'em Poker App against each other. It was hilarious because the theme music from each phone was running at a different time and we were too lazy to figure out how to turn the volume on. I can't remember who won but it doesn't really matter, does it?

2 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Kids can be so cruel.
2008-08-22 12:12 a.m.

I thought the blog could do with a bit of a face lift, as could yours truly. I'm thinking maybe even throwing in some rhinoplasty, liposuction and drinking only fruit juice for the rest of my life, but that is a whole other blog entry. In fact, it could be a whole new blog. Kungfukitten's bodily neuroses and which surgical techniques could fix them lickity split tickity boo. Take that Kevin, who said I was too fat to F@ck but didn't want me to date other boys, what do you think off the 80 pounds of fat just sucked off my body and dumped into the backseat of your damn honda accord! Here, Marshall, who used to make fun of my huge nose in junior high. Take it, it's yours now, I've got a newer smaller one. Uh, Rachel, remember when you told laura "Ha ha ha, if KFK can wear a bikini then anyone can." Yeah, well sorry for developing tits before you but here's a present for you. It's my midriff that was removed from my tummy tuck. I carried it around with hate for twenty years, now it's your turn. And for the rest of you. Ha ha. Okay, that probably says more about me than the kids who picked on me. The problem is I can't remember all the nice things people said about me but I can remember every mean spirited thing said about me. Why do we carry that stuff around with us and why is it so darn hard to get rid of? I've been trying to look at myself with kindness and honor and treat myself nicely. I think I do a good job but I keep finding knicks and scrapes where others weren't so kind. It reminds me of the Simpsons when Marge says "Kids can be so cruel!" And Bart says "We can? Thanks mom!" Lisa: "Ouch!"

6 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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