Scared pukeless.
2009-10-20 2:00 a.m.

Last night around two in the morning I heard someone rapping on the window in my kitchen nook. Loud rapping, like someone pounding on the window. I immediately got out of bed. My heart was racing so fast. I dialed 911 on my cellphone (didn't hit the call button) and grabbed my newest katana sword. I turned on some lights and crept around the house. I was shaking so hard and I felt so sick. What if you call 911 and vomit all over the phone? Will they send an ambulance instead of the police? What if the prowler takes out the paramedics, they're expecting a puker, not a crazed prowler! After much peeking out of windows and tiptoeing. I went into the kitchen nook of doom. Loki was in his hammock looking all pissed off. If a stranger pounded on the window I think he'd run away. He doesn't like strangers. Especially men. Then I saw the neighbor's cat in my yard. The one that Loki had been fighting with through another window earlier that day. I figured Maverick leaped up on the window sill and him and Loki exchanges fisticuffs through the window. Fuckers.

I sat in bed with my plastic bathroom garbage can. It's totally rad to throw up in. What too much information? That's okay. I didn't puke. However, I never managed to get to sleep that night. Blood was flooded with adrenaline. Maybe I'll sleep tonight. Putting soft boxing gloves on the cats.

3 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Kungfukitten Versus Dipstick!
2009-10-16 8:18 p.m.

I was called upon again to use my Super Powers tonight. I decided there was not enough food or sugar in my house and made a run for Fred Meyers. I like parking at the back entrance as I can usually get Doris Day parking. Indeed there was a spot waiting for me, but a rude guy in the next spot over was standing with his car door open fiddling with his bag. I turned my car and waited, my car lights were on him like a police spot light. He was taking his own sweet time, but I wasn't in a hurry. Public Radio was playing an interesting interview and I hadn't quite figured out what the heck they were talking about. It had something to do with trees. Meanwhile rude guy is still standing there, fidgeting. He ripped the bag in half and threw it on the ground.

Oh no he didn't!

It's been a long time since I've seen someone blatantly litter like that and it really pissed me off. I don't mind waiting. There are worse things I could be doing than listening to Public Radio in my car. But littering? Un-fucking-forgivable. Dipstick (as we shall refer to rude guy from now on) finally sat down in his car and shut the door, so I could pull into my parking space. A mother and her daughter were getting into an old school volkswagen van on the other side of me. I locked my car and stomped around to the other side and stood in front of Dipstick's door. I slowly bent down and picked up his trash and held it so it was in full view of his window. Then I turned on my heel and started walking to the store entrance where there were two large garbage cans. Volkswagen mother stopped her car by the back door and yelled to me. "Thanks for picking that up! I was going to but you got there first. Thanks!" That made my total night. I hope Dipstick was embarrassed. He had a girl in the car with him.

4 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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