Welcome Obama. We Can Do it. Or at least something.
2008-11-05 3:30 a.m.

I'm not a political blogger and I usually don't write about politics unless I'm ranting about how the newest protest march that's blocking my commute home or how Trey Arrow is blocking my view of the Willamette river because he's camping out on the windowsill of the 15th floor of my building. However, I would just like to say how proud I am to be a resident of one of the states that voted for Obama and how pickled tink I am that we have our very first African American president. Although, I really thought he would be Republican (way back when I was contemplating in college).

I remember during the last election I was out at The Edgefield with my close friend Yeager hiding in the wine cellar and drinking morosely, because we already knew what was going to happen and how much worse the world was going to suffer.

I finally feel some hope and if I had any words of encouragement for Obama it would be this: "Stay true. Do what's best for the people, the environment and the economy. In that order. We got your back."

When I was talking with my dad on the phone, who reads about ten news websites every morning, he was pumped about national healthcare. I don't see it happening unless he (Obama, not my father) gets a second term. Unfortunately, I think Obama's legacy will be he was the first African American president and that's it, as he's stuck cleaning up all the terrifying crap Bush has gotten us into. I don't think he'll have time to make grand changes during his time. My dad kind of agreed with me and said that he will get everything set up so the first female president, Hillary, can get it done. That made me giggle. He used to hate Hillary. Not because she was an uppity presidential wife who had her own presidential agenda, but because she didn't leave Bill when he was caught playing hide the cigar in the intern with Monica. She's a southern wife and I'm sure this is just something he does and she obviously knows about it and turns a blind eye. They have an understanding.

Around midnight when I was trying to get to sleep (Yeah, it's three and I'm still tying to get to sleep) fireworks were going off and I felt a little better about my job, my house, my disease, and my future. The changes won't happen soon, but they'll happen in my lifetime and that gives me reason to grin.

2 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Sushi Cheeks.
2008-11-04 2:19 a.m.

I don't think I've slept in a month. I take a nap during the night that is usually from 7-9 and then if I'm lucky I can get another one in from 5-6. Steroids, they saved my life but we have a love hate relationship. I was looking around for a pick me up this morning and remembered the caffeine infused floral tights I had bought online. I kid you not. The reasoning being that caffeine stimulates circulation and will get rid of your thigh and ass cellulite. I bought them because they were on sale for five dollars. Tights for five dollars! You can't find that anywhere. I wore the tights hoping I'd catch a caffeine buzz and feel awake but I didn't. And I still have some cellulite. Pretty tights though.

Did I tell you about the seaweed infused underpants I bought earlier this summer? What is it with weird infused undergarments. Seriously! It's the same theory - seaweed and the weave of the fabric is suppose to also get rid of your buttock cellulite. I also bought them because they were on sale and looked cute. I didn't even know about the seaweed infusion thing until I got them. I'm still waiting for all my cellulite to go away. However, whenever I wear the panties I have this inexplicable urge to carefully balance a perfectly rectangular piece of raw ahi tuna on each butt cheek. But that's just me. Your milage may vary.

1 People have tried to sell me Viagra
2008-11-02 1:41 a.m.

Today I walked past The World's Most Confident Man while I was at Fred Meyers buying supplies for dinner and mailing envelopes for the CDs some of my readers requested. As I meandered down the feminine hygiene aisle, I could hear him talking on his cell phone with his significant other:

"Does it say with wings on the package? Okay, I found those. Does your package say overnight or just regular? Let's see. Yeah, I found them. Right here. Awesome! I'll see you soon."

There were quite a few people walking up and down the aisle and he didn't care who heard him. His poor baby was probably at home in bed with a heating pad on her stomach and packages of Midol and Vic0d1n on her nightstand contemplating giving herself a home hysterectomy with a kitchen knife, melon baller and a travel sewing kit.

So let's all raise our drinks to The World's Most Confident Man who bought a 24 count bag of overnight maxi pads with wings for his loved one. I've never had a boyfriend willing to do that for me. Simon said he'd take a bullet for me, but he would never ever purchase feminine products. Wimp. ;) So men, have you ever gone down the forbidden aisle for your significant other?

17 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Happy HalloWriMo
2008-10-31 7:34 p.m.

Happy Halloween and Happy countdown to NaNoWriMo. So far I have only had two three sets of trick or treaters. I discovered that at 7:00pm, my porch light had burnt out, so maybe they were scared to venture into my nicely manicured yard. The trick or treaters that I have gotten are all very young like three and four and their parents are all dressed up too -kawaii! (although they don't ask for candy). It's super cute. I just met Matilda. A Matilda! Is that adorably Aussie or what? I'm not dressed up, I just couldn't get into it this year. There's a party a block away that I may crash in a bit. I am wearing my cat ears, a la nekkomimi style for all you otakus out there.

Basically there's three cats in the house (insert inappropriate pussy jokes here) Trinity wants to hug and kiss all the kids and Loki is very concerned about what I am putting in their bags. Like I'm handing out cans of Iams chicken flavored cat food. Come on. Still we're having fun.

Fun, finally, I was off work sick for a couple days this week because my ankles went crazy painful and I could barely walk. What the hell? Steroid shots used to last three months not three weeks. Am I going to have to have ankle replacements? What if it's neuropathy? There's nothing they can do for that but load you up on drugs. Crawling is hard because I have it in my wrists too, but it doesn't hurt so much. I'm pretty much left to rolling from the bedroom to the bathroom. On the plus side, I'm buffing the kitchen floor nicely. I've even learned how to type using my second knuckle and not the first. (Okay, how do you type? Which knuckles bend and which ones don't as much?)

So early this morning at 7:30am - I had no idea there was a 7:30am. What the hell? I went to Kaiser to pick up a badly needed prescription, so badly needed I didn't sleep the entire night before because I wanted to chop off my feet at the ankle and slowly drowse off due to blood loss. Wow, that was gross, but it's Halloween so that's okay. After I discovered the amazing time saving Express Line for refills, I was in and out in a matter of seconds. Super cool. I felt like Wonder Woman only without the cool boots and whip. I had the cleavage thing going though. Then I walked past the flu clinic and since it was so early - 7:30! - it was really slow so I filled out all the paperwork and got my flu shot. I have to get them because the sarcoid occasionally kills my white cells off.

The girl that gave me my shot was so super hot. She had me questioning my sexuality in an instant. Wow, did I just type that? It's no big deal, I'm dressed as a bi-sexual cat for Halloween. That's it. So anywho she told me she liked my Halloween sweatshirt. I looked down at my hoodie and realized I was wearing my Emily The Strange cat skull hoodie that I wear, like all the time because it's big black and warm and, well, Strange. So she had me totally laughing. I flinched like crazy during the shot but it didn't hurt, so I don't know what that was about. Maybe she didn't give me enough warning. I need a countdown or something not just "Yeah, I decided not to dress up this year here I come and so - geez girlie, relax your muscle, I can't get it in." Yeah, I thought that sounded sexy too. I'm surprised I still have some muscles. Neat-o. This is KFK signing off. Hope you had a scary but fun holiday. If you're NaNoing. Look me up, K?

3 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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