Your mother wears combat boots.
2004-10-03 2:09 p.m.
In the light of day and during the chores of mundane housework I find myself less willing to run away. First of all I hate moving, I have hundreds and hundreds of pounds of books and they are not easy to pack and move. Plus, I don't trust anyone else to pack or move them for me. You can ding my furnature, break my pictures but don't hurt my books!
With the equity in my house and some stocks I own I could spend a year in a small coastal town and just write for a year. I couldn't afford cashmere, Italian shoes or going to the spa but I could live comfortably and without worry. I'll just let myself daydream about that for awhile.
The cats are arguing through the screen door with Sheeba from across the street. They rowr and hiss and throw yo' mama insults back and forth. I think I need to close the door before someone jumps through the screen.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraTake me away.
2004-10-03 12:07 a.m.
Tonight it's dark and I'm driving home listening to depressing music. Again my mind starts milling around and telling me that it's time to get the hell out of dodge.
Don't get me wrong, I love Portland. My friends are the coolest people I've ever met. I love the theater, the freaks on Hawthorne, all the coffee shops and downtown shopping but somehow I feel this isn't the life I should be living. Something is so very wrong.
I've narrowed it down to where I need to be: It needs to be a college town, small but big enough to form a society of intellectuals and close enough to a big city so I can get some work done. Preferably on the southern west coast although near some of the higher caliber east coast colleges ran through my mind.
Bah. I probably won't go anywhere. I just feel like I'm not where I should be. Can't explain it any better. It's like there's a rip in the space time continuum and I'm my own freakin' doppleganger.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraDanger lies this way.
2004-10-02 12:17 p.m.
Last night I stayed home and watched "Dangerous Liasons" on Tivo. I had forgotten how screwed up that movie was. I also forgot how young Keeanu was and how perky Uma Thurman's breasts were.
I need to go to the grocery store but instead I'm working on piecing together a bunch of miscellaneous scenes from my notebook and a few word documents. I feel the need to immerse myself in another world. Mundane things such as food and laundry detergent can wait until later.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraReading, writing and reading some more.
2004-10-01 9:04 p.m.
"Sex does not thrive on monotomy. Without feelings, inventions, moods, there are no surprises in bed. Sex must be mixed with tears, laughter, words, promises, scenes, jealousy, envy, all the spices of fear, foreign travel, new faces, novels, stories, dreams, fantasies, music, dancing, opium, wine."
- Anais Nin, from a letter, reprinted in her diary, to the man paying her one dollar a page to write erotic stories.
Less than a week and I have to get my vampire sex scene to the writers group.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraCake, dog spit and even more books.
2004-09-30 2:54 p.m.
My boss� boss just got promoted to VP so we all trundled down a floor for hearty congrats and cake with the attorneys. Mmmm cake. After I ate my teeny tiny one inch by one inch cube of cake I decided to take a break as I haven�t left my desk all day. Or all week for that matter so I wandered across the street to Looking Glass Books. Just to browse. Really.
Well, Looking Glass Books has a bookstore dog. It�s a huge black dog that is usually fast asleep under the table that contains the new release hardcovers but today said dog was wandering around helping customers. I was in the Taoist section when said dog wandered over to me. Now, I�m a cat person (obviously) but I like animals and enjoy visiting with dogs. I gave the dog a cursory pet and kept browsing. Dog proceeded to open his mouth and swallow my entire hand up to the wrist. It was a very strange sensation. I tried to pull my hand out of his mouth and he started clamping his teeth down hard. Imagine this: I�m trying to pull my entire hand out of a dog�s mouth in the Toaist section of a bookstore. After some serious yanking and pulling I finally managed to retrieve my hand. Aside from some indentation marks and a profound amount of dog spit, I was virtually unscathed.
I proceeded to purchase: "The Tao of Meow: Understanding and Training Your Cat the Taoist Way" by Deborah Wood, "The Joy of Writing Sex: A Guide for Fiction Writers" by Elizabeth Benedict and "How I Paid for College: A Novel of Sex, Theft, Friendship and Musical Theater" by Marc Acito. I bought the latter because I actually met Marc at the Willamette Writers convention and it sounded like a great book. It�s even signed. It says "Be Splendid." You bet I will! Marc, promise to buy my book when it comes out, okay?
Will pay for art.
2004-09-30 10:15 a.m.
Today is payday. This means I need to exert maximum restraint and avoid doing silly things like surfing over to Amazon.com and ordering a truckload of new books, or worse yet, walking over to Powell�s during my lunch break for immediate satisfaction. I have bills to pay, a mortgage and a Visa bill that is so close to being paid off that I can actually feel my credit report standing up straighter and prouder.
Last night I went to improv and workshopped a gaggle of games. I enjoyed playing the host for Jeopardy. Now I have two strong characters: drunken southern belle and extraordinarily perky game show host. I have a dark angsty goth girth that occasionally comes out too, but she�s probably too much like me on a bad day. Went out for beer with a friend and talked about everything under the sun. Got home at a reasonable hour but blew it completely when I read for over an hour. Oh well.
I was fairly organized yesterday. I burnt a bunch of CDs, did all the dishes and drew up an outline for the kung fu publishing website. The artist I really wanted to hire to do my illustration seems completely bogged down with freelance work right now so I don�t think I�ll be able to get her. Does anyone know a good artist that does computer illustration work that�s anime inspired? Think Cowboy Bebop, Wolf�s Rain, Inuyasha or X. I need two stand alone .jpg�s of my "Burn For Me" characters. Will pay a reasonable fee for high quality work.
Open letter to Wpusedbooks.
2004-09-29 10:27 a.m.
Dear Dorkfucks at Wpusedbooks,
It is a well known fact that a cat�s curse lasts seven generations. That means since you have screwed me over your children, your children�s children, your children�s children�s children, your children�s children�s children�s children, your children�s children�s children�s children�s children and your children�s children�s children�s children�s children�s children are now cursed.
In order to have this curse removed you must do the following things:
1) Promptly refund my Visa Card the $3.50 you charged me plus the .35 interest I was charged.
2) Send me in excellent condition via priority mail a copy of Dame Daphne DuMaurier�s �The Infernal World of Branwell Bronte.�
3) Get down on your knees and beg my forgiveness.
Love,
Kungfukitten
Wanted for Murder and Page Running.
2004-09-29 10:06 a.m.
I had a long list of things that I was supposed to do after work yesterday. Some of them were brilliant, some creative, some was just crap that I needed to get done. Instead I did the following: laundry, hand washed a bunch of cashmere, played "change the sheets" with the cats, finished reading my Thursday Next book, watched four episodes of The Simpsons and read my tarot cards.
I made the mistake of going to the Goliath Corporation website and buying a SpecOps-27 "Wordage is our business Grammar is our game" T-shirt. Thank you, Jasper Fforde for writing a series of books with a sassy heroine who defends literature. My application for Jurisfiction is in the mail and I think I saw the Minotaur in the parking garage in downtown Portland.
Inside my head.
2004-09-28 9:34 a.m.
Random thoughts running through my head this morning:
I need to start working out again.
I want a pair of brown boots.
Diet begins this morning. God, I�m hungry.
Full moon tonight.
My back still hurts. I hope no one calls and yells at me today. X2
I want a mint green Vespa.
Do I want a baby or just sex?
Gotta burn a bunch of CDs tonight.
So very tired. Marae, leave me alone.
I need to go dancing soon. Mmmmm, coffee.
My license tags are two months expired. How do I reset my iPod? Thanks Cym!
Maybe I should go to law school.
My lips are chapped.
What should I read next?
Supa Star!
2004-09-27 9:47 a.m.
The good news is I did not throw up before the show. Most farm team shows have 15-20 people there. We estimated around 50 last night! Hearing the crowd, the music and the announcer had my heart racing so fast I thought I was going to pass out, but I didn�t. I ran out on stage and pretended I was a God Damn Super Star even when I didn�t know what the Hell I was doing. Also there was a large church group there so I couldn�t say God Damn, Hell or other words that I tend to shriek on stage when I�m totally nervous.
There were a couple of games I had never played before that I had to fake my way through. The best moment of the night for me was when we were doing product slogans. Our product was Pop Tarts. I brazenly walked to the front of the stage and said "Hi, I�m singing sensation Britney Spears and I�m not the only Pop Tart that topping the charts these days!" The crowd went wild. I was told I had another good line during the show but I honestly don�t remember. Adrenaline will do that to you.
My team was awesome and supported me throughout the show. Captain Terry always made sure I knew where I was supposed to be and what I was doing. My buds took me to McMenamin�s for dinner and beer afterwards. After two pints of ESB I was nearly asleep with my face in a dish of ranch dressing. KFK had left the building.
Much love to Rebecca, Crystal, Chris, Beth, Nancy and Duane for coming out and watching me make an utter fool of myself. You guys rock!