I'll just pretend the bus is a one horse open sleigh.

2002-12-13 4:36 p.m.

Happy Holidays. Holidays Shmolidays. I fear I'm going to have to come into work this weekend so my desk will be tidy for vacation. As of the 20th I'll be on vacation until next year! (that's 288 hours or 17,280 minutes of not working, if you're counting) Aside from everyone getting wine for Christmas I have also put together a way cool retro Christmas CD! If you'd like one ripped for yourself just drop me an e-mail with your address and I'll pop it into the mail for you. It's called Be Merry, here's what's on it:

1)Sleigh Ride - Ella Fitzgerald
2)Winter Wonderland - Bing Crosby
3)Christmas Blues - Holly Cole
4)Santa Baby - Yuletide Lounge
5)Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Diana Krall
6)Christmas Time is Here - Vince Guaraldi
7)Let it Snow - Ella Fitzgerald
8)Rudolph - Billy May
9)Jingle All the Way - Lena Horne
10)I�ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm - Dean Martin
11)Jingle Bells - Frank Sinatra
12)Here Comes Santa Claus - Elvis
13)Santa Claus is Coming to Town - Lou Rawls
14)The Christmas Song - Mel Torme
15)I�ll Be Home for Christmas - Flipped Fedoras
16)What a Wonderful World - Kieran Kane
17)You�re a Mean One Mr. Grinch - Deanna Kirk
18)Linus & Lucy - Vince Guaraldi
19)Christmas Night in Harlem - Louis Armstrong
20)Merry Christmas Baby - Yuletide Lounge
21)What Are You Doing New Year�s Eve - Nancy Wilson

Jackpot! Never trust a kitten.

2002-12-12 3:51 p.m.

So I get this phone call from payroll today and it's some frantic woman who has screwed up my paycheck. This tends to happen twice a year usually when they realize that they've foobarred my pre-tax dollars with unnecessary deductions or when I get a raise. This was due to both. Apparently the payroll system is going to deposit an ungodly amount of money (over three times my normal salary!) into my checking account tonight but they're going to pull the money out tomorrow morning and write up a check for me in the correct amount. The payroll chick kept asking me over and over again if I was a trustworthy person and kept hinting at the horrible things the company would do to me if they couldn't get the money out of my checking account the next morning. First of all, do I seem like a complete idiot? (don't answer that). It's not like I'm going to think I hit the jack pot and am going to go buy a gigantic flat screen TV tonight at midnight. ~wipes drool off corner of mouth~ And it's not like I live paycheck to paycheck and am going to run out tonight and purchase $4,000 in groceries from Fred Meyers. I probably would never have noticed the strange deposit until I decided to balance my checkbook. Sheesh.

Order now while supplies last.

2002-12-06 10:58 a.m.

Since it's the Christmas Season I thought I'd repost last year's Kung Fu Dot Com sale event! Get your orders in now:

Retractable high heel tabi boots--for the discerning female (or cross dressing) ninja, spend the night dancing at your favorite night club then retract the heels for super sneaking action.

Ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend heavy bag--Send us a picture of your ex and we will transfer a life size image on a full size heavy bag. Guaranteed to increase your punching power by 20%.

Dojo Incense--choose from two charming scents: sweaty gym socks and unwashed uniform. Make your home smell just like the dojo!

The Tiny Gi: Little wrap around jacket and drawstring pants just the right size for your cat. Carefully constructed of medium weight cotton with hole for tail. Choose from a variety of belt colors.

Novelty cup (for men): Makes tiger growl or eagle scream when hit. Perfect for sparring with nervous beginners.

Bruise Make Up: Make sure everyone thinks you're working out harder than you are! Palette comes in purple, blue and green for a variety of half healed bruise colors.

Sifu Snacks: The way to your sifu's heart is through his stomach. Whole grain cookies in the shape of ninja stars will guarantee you'll be on the testing list next month!

Full Body Ice Suit: Nylon Jumpsuit filled with ice gel. Store in freezer then put on after a hard workout. Perfect for those times when one ice pack isn't enough!

Tiger Balm Bubble Bath: When the ice suit warms up it's time to jump into a hot bath with tiger balm bubble bath. Loads of luxurious bubbles smelling of camphor and menthol relax your muscles and warm the soul.

Shaolin shaving kit: Curved razors give your head that smooth monk feel.

Have some wine.

2002-12-05 10:01 a.m.

I'm back. Did you miss me? Between holiday entertaining, month end madness at work and a bevy of tropical viruses, I haven't been very good about updating. Here's a quick recap: Thanksgiving: deep fried a turkey, drank a whole lot of wine with my family and played cranium and laughed until wine came out of our noses. Day after Thankgiving: best friend Angi came down from Olympia and we bribed Simon into driving us around wine country. We went to Rex Hill, Argyle, Erath and Bergstrom. Again, drank too much wine and spent too much money. Everyone is getting wine for Christmas including the cats. Saturday night we went and saw A Tuna Christmas at Theater Theater. We sat in the front row in the center (it pays to show up half an hour early). Very funny show. Sunday: Angi packed up her wine and went home. I spent the day on the couch a little feverish, watching Law and Order reruns and Planet's Funniest Animals. Monday I waited at Kaiser for an hour for my migraine medicine refills. Got to watch a lot of old people start a riot. Personally I wasn't in a hurry and didn't care. Sheesh, those old people can be fiesty. This week I've been sniffling and sneezing and infecting my co-workers. They're dropping like flies. I think this is the strange tropical virus that Simon caught from his Uncle from Seychelles.

Previous | Next