I am so your ho.
2007-12-14 12:19 a.m.

I really want to cut my legs off with a serrated bread knife. (I don't have any big power tools to use, which would make it a lot easier). I promised I wouldn't whine in this entry. That's not whining, is it? It should be kind of a new way of entertaining you, by giving you a visual image of me cutting my legs off due to the pain. And don't try to convince me you weren't imagining me naked doing it. See. I'm fun!

I'm not big on Christmas, but I must admit, I looooooove all the online shopping. I've got a few big orders coming and I can't wait to give them away to my family members and friends. I feel like I rock at present giving. Plus spending money is hella fun. Did I just type hella? Is this 1997? Am I Wil Wheaton? *checks pants* Nope.

Ensign out.

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Be happy.
2007-12-04 11:05 p.m.

My neighbors across the street had their Christmas tree up and all lit the day before Thanksgiving. It gave me a very Twilight Episode feeling, especially as my family celebrated T-giving on Sunday because that was when my parent's could find a room at their favorite hotel (Kennedy School in the winter, Edgefield in the spring and summer). Now my neighbors next door to them have blinking Christmas lights surrounding their house. Ha ha ha ha. I just jumped up to peek over the cafe curtains and they're working on getting the electrified moving Christmas light reindeer put together on their front lawn. Hilarious. I'm so Grinchy. Maybe I'll put my fake wreath on the front door. It's quite festive with silver ribbon and purple silvery sparkly fake fruit. Some people would call it crafty. I call it horribly gaudy and have no one to blame as I made it myself. *A-hem* Martha Stewart I'm not.

Witty Kitty was kind enough to e-mail me and asked if I got hurt or blown away by the horrible storm we had here and I said "What? We had a storm?" It was beautiful and sunny today with a light breeze. However, upon watching my Tivo I did notice all those annoying news tickers at the bottom of my shows telling me to watch out for flash floods and informing me to put water wings on the pets and tie down your houses and cars. Apparently, I live in a tiny vortex that avoids such troublesome weather. I did have a horrible incident in the Safeway parking lot yesterday when I walked into a huge puddle and got water inside my sexy new boots. Damn it. Other than that we're totally safe and happy. Don't worry. Be happy. *whistles* Now you'll have that silly song stuck in your mind all day too.

0 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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