My medical condition because I have nothing else to write about.

2005-04-14 10:31 p.m.

It turns out my own internet diagnosis of the swollen jaw was correct. My doctor thinks that I have some form of the mumps. I was most likely vaccinated for the bad viral kind when I was a bambino so this is probably bacterial. I was referred to an ENT and given some big green antibiotics that I need to take four times a day for the next ten days. With all the antibiotics I've been taking there will be nothing living inside me in no time.

I came home with my little bag of pills, ate lunch, took a four hour nap then went to improv class. Improv was fun but I only got to do one scene. I can learn just as much from watching other people do scenes, but I just feel like I didn't get all my obnoxious silliness out of my system. I'll probably spend the weekend saying completely inappropriate things to strangers.

Ninja Toothfairies.

2005-04-13 11:24 p.m.

I was up all last night due to annoying back pain. I swear to the goddess, if it's not one thing it's another. By this afternoon I was ready for a nap. Apparently I woke up in my sleep and blearily eyed wrote down on a yellow sticky note this amazing money making venture. The sticky had two words on it:

Ninja Toothfairy.

In my dream I was working for a company of Ninja Toothfairies. Middle class families who were too busy to deal with the whole tooth cash exchange for their children would hire us to sneak into their child's room at night, take the tooth and leave the dosh. We'd get paid a nominal fee and have the ability to hone our wicked ass ninja skills.

Well, it seemed like a brilliant idea when I was half asleep.

Is that an ice pick in your head or are you just happy to see me?

2005-04-12 9:45 a.m.

I spent most of yesterday trying to remove the ice pick that someone stabbed into my temple on early Monday morning. At least it felt like an ice pick. It was pretty hideous. There was a lot of pain and much barfing involved. I�m kind of in that dreamy boy am I glad to be alive state now. Usually I get migraines* above my eyes across the forehead. I�m not sure what this whole behind the left eye thing was unless it�s related to the TMJ thing. Yes, my jaw swelled up again this month. Now it�s almost back to normal which should be fun because I have a doctor�s appointment this week. Rolls eyes carefully. My doctor is probably going to think that I�m a big faker. What I�m hoping for is a referral and then they can schedule more for two weeks in advance and then I�ll get all puffy again. I�ve noticed a strange female every 28 days pattern. Hmmm. Interesting but freaky. I�ve heard of breasts swelling before that time of the month but jaw? What the hell? Do I have estrogen receptors in my mouth?

On a non medical related noted I had a nice slow drive into work today. It took me forever to cross the Hawthorne bridge. It appears that there was a five car accident in the center lanes that was causing all the hooplah. My question to those involved is, uh, why didn�t you drive off the bridge and then exchange information? It�s a draw bridge and it was rush hour. What on earth were you thinking?

*For all the kind people who post whenever I bitch about a migraine experience. For the record: I�ve seen lots of doctors and specialists. I�ve taken lots of different medications. If you have a medication that works wonders for you I�ve probably already tried it, am taking it or it doesn�t work for me. My medications work really well if I haven�t started the barfing loop. Also my diet is okay, my sleep patterns are consistent and I don�t overdo the caffeine. Thank you and goodnight.

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