Pull over to the side of the cubicle, please.
2003-08-21 9:38 a.m.

Fashion Police. It's not an easy job but someone around here has to do it. ~Whips out citation booklet and puts on bad ass police sunglasses~

Citations given out for the men:

1) If you insist on pretending that you're Hawkeye Pierce and wearing a Hawaiian shirt to work, don't tuck it in and cinch it with a belt.

2) Now that we have the open toed shoe policy, I encourage you to not wear your white athletic socks with your birkenstocks/tevas.

3) If you're over 250 pounds you may want to reconsider wearing that neon green polo shirt. You look like a lime with legs.

4) We know you're filled with angst but frankly, that bolt through the back of your neck doesn't make you look goth, it makes you look like a coat hanger.

5) If I can smell your cologne from the parking garage you're wearing too much.

Citations given out for the women:

1) Powersuits went out in the 80s, we don't have to dress like men anymore. I beg you. Go shopping!

2) I don't care how bad you're PMSing, athletic pants aren't business casual.

3) Save the glitter for the dance clubs, we don't need encouragement to stare at your cleavage.

4) If you have significant love handles, tight hipster pants may not be the best fashion choice.

5) Dark eyeshadow= sultry. Red lipstick = fashionable. Dark eyeshadow & red lipstick = whore.

What fashion atrocities have you witnessed at your workplace? Do I need to write them a citation?

1 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Disjointed entry. Excuse my dust.
2003-08-20 10:24 a.m.

You many notice the blog being a bit disjointed this week. That's because I'm performing a major overhaul. I'm working on a biography page, Dramatis Personae complete with pictures, and maybe some funny kung fu related links of my writing. Katress is helping me redesign my template. I've had it for awhile and it's time for something a little more grown up and funkified.

I went and got my blood pressure checked this morning by the retired nurses. I thought for sure after two days of migraine hell and lots of pain medication my blood pressure would be sky high and they'd be carting me off in an ambulance screaming "clear" and trying to jolt my poor battered heart back to life but no, my blood pressure was a nice low 110/70. That's low normal. Wow. I'm normal. Imagine that.

The weekend was fun. On Saturday Shari and I went to see Shakespeare in the Park at Gabriel Park in SW Portland. They did Midnight Summer's Dream and had a young boy playing Puck. He did a great job. I think we were sitting in front of some English majors because we were all guffawing at the same time and giving each other knowing looks at the racier jokes. If you're in Portland, they're going to be at Mt. Hood this weekend and at Reed College the following week. It's at 3:00pm Saturday and Sunday. It's free. It's Shakespeare. It's hysterical. And Puckapalooza tour shirts are free (with a $20 donation).

On Sunday we had brunch at the Brasserie then went shopping in China Town. We went to Just Be where I bought a funky Peking Duck (keep it clean) t-shirt from a Japanese artist. The shirt is worn inside out but the label is on the inverse so it doesn't stick out. It even came with a free bar of soap. It has a lot of writing around the edge that I have no idea what it means. I'll have to ask my friend Kuma. It probably says "silly white girl paid $28 for this t-shirt." Simon likes this store because you can rent hard to find martial arts fighting videos. I watched UFC 45 with him but didn't catch the other one he rented. The guy at Just Be directed us across the street to a new gallery called Motel. I bought a bracelet made out of antique Mah Jong tiles. I liked this one especially because it had the dragon, "S" and big joker.

Monday I worked from home after taking a handful of pain medication and taking a nap. Tuesday I came into to work, picked up stuff, dropped stuff off, went home, took a handful of pain medication and took a nap. Today I'm feeling a little better. My head still hurts but it's not incredibly painful. Just annoyingly painful. Bright lights still hurt so I may turn off all the lights in my cubicle.

1 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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