Snippet of a conversation.
2004-02-20 8:50 p.m.
Me: "Yeah, whatever. What should I sing?"
Friend: "Something sexy!"
Me: "I just sang a song about masturbation.* What could possibly be sexier than that? Hey, how about this?"
Friend: "Yeah, I love Bon Jovi."
Me: "No, the song below it, "Never say Never" by Romeo Void.
Friend: "Oh yeah, that's a good song too."
*Divynals "I touch myself."
2 People have tried to sell me ViagraGoddess bless you, Al Gore.
2004-02-20 8:33 p.m.
Do you ever find yourself starting off a saucy story by saying "My internet friend once..." Yes, I have friends that I've only known over the internet. People whose blogs I read regularly so I feel like I really know these people. Some people I've mailed CDs to, Christmas cards, books and get cool stuff in the mail from on my birthday. For all I know Protoplast is really a 12 year old male gothic heroin addict in Iowa and EveRoboto is really a 68 year old retired country western singer from Memphis. But these are people I feel like I really know and like. These are people I want to drink beer with. I've been to a party where the hostess went around and introduced everyone by their first names then went around the room again and introduced everyone by their blog name. Everyone went: "Oh!" "So how's your cat doing?" "You moved, last week, how's it going?" "You finished your novel, that's so cool!" This week I had a guy come up to me in a bar and say "Hi" because he recognized me from my Friendster profile. So the real question is, if it weren't for the internet, would I have any friends at all?
4 People have tried to sell me ViagraSay the magic words.
2004-02-18 8:56 a.m.
Things I want people to say to me:
"That dress is obviously too big on you, let me go grab you a size four."
"Let me refill your champagne glass, mademoiselle."
"Our lead singer has a cold, would you mind filling in?"
"The diamond should be bigger, I'll go get another one."
"Those are fabulous, are they real?"
"We're leaving for Vegas in an hour to party with The Damned, you in?"
"So it is true, blondes really do have more fun."
"You make that spinning crescent kick look so easy."
"I'm going to need to see your I.D."
"We'd love to publish your manuscript and Spielberg wants to buy the film rights. You down with that?"
"Leaving you for Jennifer Aniston was the biggest mistake of my life, will you take me back?"
3 People have tried to sell me ViagraI am a domestic goddess. Sort of.
2004-02-17 6:12 p.m.
As modeled by the lovely Trinity, here are the Tiki pillow covers I made. Not bad for a girl who can barely sew a straight line.
My name is Kungfukitten and I'm an alcoholic.
2004-02-17 11:48 a.m.
I now give you Runnerbird's Law and Order: SVU Drinking Game rules. I swear to whatever diety you believe in this is it for now. Remember Tracy is still adding rules to her version and you can see the original L&O Drinking game here
- Benson or Stabler give out a business card ... 1 drink.
- That person is later found dead with Benson or Stabler's business card ... 2 drinks and a moment of silence for the vic who never stood a chance.
- Cabot in pants ... 1.5 drinks because you miss seeing her legs.
- Cabot in casual wear .. 2.5 drinks because you wished you looked that good in jeans.
- Cabot and Benson share a moment that makes you question their sexuality ... 3 drinks and a call to GLAAD.
- The perp works at Hudson University .. 1 drink and a call for better hiring practices.
- Benson in a dress ... 3 drinks and 300 sit-ups.
- Stabler in a tux ... 4 drinks and 400 push-ups.
- Fin and Benson partner up... 2 drinks and a bag of chips.
- Cabot does her downward pointing hand thing (if you don't what it is then why are you playing this game) ... 5 drinks and one flip of the bird.
- Benson does her WTF look ... 2 drinks and an eyebrow cock of your own.
- Benson and Stabler flirt ... half a bottle of rum to wash away the idea that you never want to see these two attractive people actually ... together.
- Benson and Cabot flirt ... half a bottle of vodka to wash away the idea that you really want to see these two together but ... can't.
- Benson having sex ... one bottle of pure grain alcohol, yeah I'm stilling trying to forget she slept with Cassidy too...
- Stabler having sex ... one bottle of jack daniel because married sex is boring.
The Law and Order CI drinking game.
2004-02-17 10:30 a.m.
As promised here are the rules for the Law and Order Criminal Intent drinking game. Any other rules I should add?
-Whenever Detective Goren smells a dead body you must hold your nose then drink.
-Each time Detective Eames sports a new sleeveless shirt you must drink then drop and do ten push ups.
-Every time Elizabeth Hitchens/Nicole Wallace is mentioned, you must slap your forehead and shot gun a can of Fosters
-Whenever DA Carver makes a very dry joke in a monotone voice you must laugh inauthentically and drink
-Each time Detective Goren turns his head sideways at a 90 degree angle you must turn your head sideways and drink
-Whenever Detective Eames draws her gun you must put up your hands and scream "Don't Shoot!" if she doesn't shoot you must take a drink. If she does shoot you must fall dramatically to the ground then finish your drink.
-Each time someone mentions Detective Goren's institutionalized mother you must wrap your arms around yourself self a la straight jacket style and drink without using your hands
-Every time Detective Goren rattles off some obscure historical reference that nobody would know you must roll your eyes and drink.
-Each time there's a reference to Detective Eames' father being a cop you must drink
-Whenever Detective Goren and Eames go undercover, pretending to be married, you must hold hands with the person next to you and drink.
-Every time Detective Goren psychiatriclaly diagnoses a perp you must line up five shots in an intricate pattern then drink them one by one.
A rather Presidential day.
2004-02-16 8:02 p.m.
It was a rather quiet holiday. I did the following things:
-Slept in.
-Drank half a pot of Starbucks coffee.
-Reviewed some work I brought home.
-Sewed some funky tiki throw pillow covers.
-Got over confident and hemmed a pair of jeans
-Got cocky and tried to hem a pair of slacks.
-Totally fucked up said pair of slacks.
-Took four dresses to the dry cleaners and inquired about alteration costs.
-Cleaned house and danced with wild abandon to Duran Duran.
-Went through closet and donated a ton of clothes.
-Went to the eye doctor. Was told my new contacts were doing excellent.
-Trimmed cat's claws and combed thier fur.
-Gave myself a pedicure, manicure and facial.
-Typed this.
Coming soon! The Law and Order Criminal Intent drinking game and Runnerbird's SVU drinking game rules. Don't know what I'm talking about? Hit the before button.
1 People have tried to sell me Viagra