They Were So Young
2008-11-21 5:02 p.m.

I stopped by Fred Meyers on my way home and a guy walking in front of me knocked over a display of $9.00 specialty beers. I kept going, but damn, it smelled so good! The distributer who just built the Beeramid (like that?) was down on his knees, ripping his shirt off and screaming "Why God, why?! They didn't even get to see Thanksgiving!" Then I hear over the intercom: "Two straws to section 7a, two straws to section 7a, please." When I walked back by to make my way to the registers, a smaller, less interesting Beeramid was being built, but I bet they'll sell out because that whole section smells like delicious dark beer.

3 People have tried to sell me Viagra
2008-11-17 6:27 p.m.

For dinner I had a Hagen Daz ice cream bar. That's one of the perks of being a grown up. You can have whatever the hell you want for dinner. Plus I didn't eat breakfast or lunch so I went with what I could get at the Quickie Mart on the way home from the phlebotomists. That sounds like someone that grows plants, but it's really just the sadistic people that draw your blood. So I'm eating dinner and watching some anime and Loki came to see what I was doing.

Loki: "I smell cream. Does that have cream in it?
KFK: "Want a taste?"
Loki: "It's cold. I don't like cold things. Why can't you be eating a kabob or something. Maybe just a little taste. *lick* Hey, that's good! * lick lick lick lick lick lick lick* turn please *lick lick lick lick lick lick lick* turn please.
KFK: You know this is my dinner.
Loki: "Excuse me, but I said 'turn please' it's going to drip."
KFK: "Fuck it's going to drip" *lick lick lick*
Loki: *lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick lick* Turn Please *lick lick lick lick lick* I'm digging this whole frozen cream thing. What a great invention. Turn please.
KFK: "It's almost gone. Sorry, dude."
Loki: "Does the stick taste like cream?"
KFK: "No, it tastes like wood."
Loki: "Bummer."
KFK: "Tell me about it. You just at half my dinner."

4 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Damn you Emily Dickinson!
2008-11-07 7:15 p.m.

I felt like my life was going nowhere and my emotional health was in the gutter so I decided to make a change. So I changed the banner and the background on my blog. A wise person once said: "Make a positive change to your blog template and soon the rest of your life will follow." I forget who. I think it was Zora Neale Hurston. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

My wrists and ankles hurt. I feel like my whole body has carpal tunnel syndrome. Since typing and walking is difficult for me, I'm curled up in bed with my iPhone and watching anime. Inside me lurks a geeky 12 year old boy. Beware. Right now I'm watching Lucky Star. At first I thought it was kind of stupid but now I like it because it's stupid. It's the Seinfeld of teen anime. It's an anime about nothing and it's hilarious. Plus, there's a bunch of crazy cultural references that keep me running (figuratively) to google for more information that I ever needed to know. A little escapism never killed anyone. Just ask Emily Dickinson. Wait, did it kill her? It might have. Crap.

3 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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