Are we not women? We are drag queens!
2005-04-10 11:46 a.m.
I got an e-mail this week that said "We're buying wigs and going dancing this Friday. Are you in?" Really, how could I say no to such an interesting request. So on Friday I met my friend Nancy during lunch at Wigland. We were given a plastic head condom and allowed to try on a bunch of wigs under the suspicious eye of a tiny Asian women. She seemed suspicious of us (only later did we learn of the chaos our friends caused the day before.) After trying on every funky brightly colored wig I settled on a lavender one.
Later that night we met up at JJPG's house and began getting outselves dolled up. It wasn't until we all had our little skull caps on, lots of eyeliner and lipstick that I yelled out. "Omigod, we all look like a bunch of dragqueens." Which we did. So we went with it.
Actually I was surprised that we didn't cause more of an uproar when we went out. I thought we'd stop traffic, get cat calls, cause a riot, perhaps but no. We were just another small group of freaks in the already freaky downtown scene.
We're planning on doing it again in a couple of month but the plan is to swap wigs.
3 People have tried to sell me ViagraTwelve Percent Beer FAQ
2005-04-07 9:47 a.m.
People seem to stumble across the 12% Beer website and get confused about what it is. Therefore, I have decided to write the FAQ for those people. A-hem.
12% Beer Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) by Kungfukitten
Q. I just stumbled here via google/ad banner/accident. WTF?
A. Don�t be afraid. You�ve stumbled upon a wonderful site full of witty and intelligent people. 12% Beer is a group weblog � or blog, as all the kids are saying. Each contributor posts a snippet of their latest entry. If you want to read more about their life of crime, just click on their user name and you�ll be taken to their blog. It�s just that simple.
Q. Can I be a member of 12% Beer? I�m witty.
A. Oh, dear Lord, no. 12% Beer members are here by invitation only. However, I know through personal experience that Bartender Joey is highly susceptible to flattery, bribery and buckets of ferrets.
Q. How did 12% start?
A. Funny you should ask. It all started on a rainy September morning when Bartender Joey was making breakfast. When his toast popped out of the toaster he noticed the unmistakable visage of Kurt Cobain on the center of his toast! Joey posted this information on his blog and bloggers from all corners of the internet began the pilgrimage to Toronto. By the time most of us arrived, we discovered that Joey had already sold the toast on E-bay for a paltry $257.18 and spent the proceeds on beer. The pilgrims were disappointed but we played Nirvana�s "Smells Like Teen Spirit" repeatedly as we helped drink all the beer.
Around four in the morning, three days later, the Mounties were called in. I blame this entirely on Kelly�s "Suitcase of Naughty Things" that she brought with her. Due to the non-disclosure statement I had to sign upon release from the hospital I am only allowed to refer to this as the Painful Nipple Clamp Experiene (PNCE). I can tell you that I screamed so loud and high pitched that all dogs within a ten mile radius came and joined the party. But I digress.
The Canadian Mounted Police saw that we were too drunk to deal with and were concerned about our never ending chants of "Oh well, whatever, nevermind." They also wanted to know where all the dogs came from and what we were planning on doing to them. As most of us were Americans, they decided to deport all of us to University of Chicago Medical School for medical experiments. This blog was started upon our release from the hospital.
Q. Where did the name 12% Beer come from?
A. I�m so glad you asked. 12% Beer was the nickname that the doctors gave our group upon admittance to the hospital. Testing revealed that our blood was actually twelve percent alcohol. Doctors were flummoxed that our blood alcohol levels continued to stay so high throughout our hospital stay. That was until they realized that Leebo had been switching our IV bags with bags of Absolute vodka.
Q. Are you guys a bunch of recovering alcoholics?
A. Yes! No. What was the question again?
I'm ready for my close up.
2005-04-06 7:28 p.m.
Here's a picture I took with my new camera. I like the detail on Trinity's nose, you can even see how shiny and damp it is. Fun. Now I just have to figure out how to film a movie.
6 People have tried to sell me Viagra
You'd be surprised.
2005-04-06 9:55 a.m.
I went to get some cash out of the quick bank machine last night and noticed that my balance seemed unusually high. I checked online and discovered that the feds have deposited my tax refund. Thank you George Dubya! Wait a minute, I mean, screw you George! I remember how you made me cry on election night. Then again I was also in a bar drinking with my friends and singing karaoke which was kind of fun. I�m conflicted.
But I digress.
The end of the month was a difficult work week. I busted out a bunch of work and put in some serious over time. I figure I deserve a present. Something silver and shiny. Like a new digital camera. So I immediately drove to Best Buy and grabbed the teenage boy working in the digital camera department by the collar of his blue polo shirt. "Nikon Coolpix 5600!" I said. "Got any?" "Yes!" I snap my fingers in his face after he hands me the box. "Accessories!" I demand. He swore to me that he didn�t work on commission but he appeared overly happy with all the crap I was buying. I bought some rechargeable batteries, carrying case and a 512mb diskscan memory card. I also went for the four year service plan. I normally don�t buy service plans as I think they�re a bunch of hooey but a friend advised me to do it. Now I won�t feel bad if someone barfs on my camera during a wild night at the bars or if an angry monkey snatched it away from me at the zoo. Cause that happens a lot to me. You�d be surprised.
The Bus Stops Here.
2005-04-04 9:11 a.m.
I was sitting at a traffic light on Hawthorne this morning blearily listening to public radio when I noticed two guys on the sidewalk. My window was down just a crack so I could hear them. It appeared that someone had run over the large metal bus stop sign. One of the guys started lifting the huge metal sign, trying to prop it upright. The other guy quickly lent a hand. When the bus stop was in an upright position the second guy asked. "Now what?" The first guys looked a little stoned. "You know, I hadn�t thought it through that far." I think the consensus was to keep the bus stop sign in an upright position until the bus came.
1 People have tried to sell me Viagra