Orange Belt Test

2001-12-02 12:17 p.m.

Belt Testin: The Big Day (long but has pictures)

I got up at 5:30 so I could be to the school by 6:15. I wasn't sure what time I'd be starting so I wanted to get their early to stretch and help set up. I didn't eat breakfast because one of the tests is getting punched in the stomach while you scream out "Dah!" which is not unlike Homer Simpson's "Doh!" now that I think about it, and I didn't want to puke up a protein bar during my first test. That would be just a little embarassing.

The test officially started at 7:00am. We all lined up according to rank and the board walked in. We had about 15 black belts forming the board including my sifu. There were two people testing for their black belts. I don't know about other schools but these black belts were worked hard for 8 hours straight. By the end of the day one had a black eye and the other had a blood vessel popped in one eye. It was kind of cool looking but probably didn't feel very good to get.

When it began everyone except the brown belts (the two going for black) sat on the mats to the side. Then the fun began. They made the black belt candidates do forms while blindfolded, ontop of a tiny bench, while singing their favorite song and with odd things in their hands like double swords. They asked them moral questions like "When would you use deadly force" and "What's your martial code." Then they made them spar with the sifus. Ouch. One guy took a gut shot that doubled him over for a couple of minutes. I bet he was glad he didn't eat breakfast.

Once they were all good and sweaty they made them go in the corner and stand in a horse stance, which is legs apart 3-4 feet and legs bent so your thighs are almost parallel to the floor. Try doing this for three minutes let alone an hour or too. It is very hard, your legs will be shrieking in pain in a very short period of time.

Then they took the different ranks out on the floor to do demonstrate their skills. First they have them drill all their basic techniques then they do the more interactive and creative skills.

They did the orange sashes around 11:00am. So I basically sat around for four hours. While you are waiting you are expected to sit up straight, not talk to anyone and no eating or drinking until the test is over.

There were only three of us testing for orange so all eyes were on us. I think we all went into a period of intense stage fright while we were up there. My face turned red and my adrenaline kicked in so hard I was shaking. It also didn't help that the sifu leading the test had a bit of an accent so it took me little longer to process what he was asking us to do. Actually he turned out to be one of my favorite sifus by the end of the day. Cool guy, great sense of humor.

After we drilled all our basic moves we did some of the more interactive stuff with some advanced student "helpers." Here I am showing off my kung fu style in a couple of pictures.

Then we did sparring. I held my own against one person, beat up another and then got my butt thoroughly kicked by Dawn. Holy hell she nearly killed me. I got 0 points and she made my nose run with one hit and hit me in the eye so hard my contact lens decided to take a vacation to see the back of my head. It slowly reappeared about 10 minutes later. At one point I remember thinking to myself "Ok, you're just a moving punching bag, protect the face and you'll get through this."

They then tortured the black belt candidates by having 10 people attack them at once. Every now and then they'd say "Stop!" and send out fresh fighters. During a pause the sifu that was running this part of the test told the black belt candidate that his shoe was untied when he bent down to tie it another sifu yelled "Start!" and he was basically dogpiled.

At 3:30 the board filed off the floor to "deliberate." We were told that we could drink beverages but no food until the test was officially over. Here's what "deliberate" means. They went to Sifu Chris & Patty's house and ate pizza and all the yummy goodies we had to bring for the board. I was in charge of cookies and being lazy, I went to Paradise bakery next to my work and got 2 dozen way scrumptious cookies. They ate food and probably danced and told jokes for 2 hours.

Meanwhile, back at the dojo a few of my friends and I have constructed a couch out of air shields and were kicking back with lots of water telling tall tales. It was pretty fun. There was lots of kind words and hugging going on. I'm used to these people wanting to hit me so hugging was something totally new to me. It was very nice. We all felt like warriors.

The black belt candidates looked like hell. Not only were they drenched from head to toe with sweat but their clothes were ripped and they had the sallow black eyes hallowed face appearance of prisoners. But they were both in very good spirits and we were all in awe of them. They had performed an amazing feat.

Then comes the call! They're coming back! Everyone lines up on the training floor, candles are lit to form a "V" like a runway for students to walk down when their names are called. The lights are turned off and we stand and wait.

The board members file in and sit at the front of the room. They call our names one by one, starting the the two new black belts. When my sifu calls my name I go to the front of the room and salute the board. Then I kneel down in front of him. The sifu next to him hands him an orange sash. He stands up and holds it over my head and snaps it. "By the power invested in my by my instructor sifu David Depress I bestow upon you the rank of Orange sash." He then kneels back down and hands me the sash. He whispers to put in on the best I can and someone will show me the official way to tie it later. He hands me my swanky certificate with Chinese writing on it with a cool red seal. Then we shake right hands, I place my hand ontop and he placed his hand on mine. He whispers what a great job I did and I nearly burst into tears.

When everyone's name has been called and have received their sashes the lights come on and we all scream yell and applaud. I get home at 7:30pm and crawl onto the couch where I get a screaming migraine. I'm feeling better today and will finally get something to eat in a little bit.

It's official. Kung fu kitten now has a sash. It is orange. I am bruised but happy.

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