Simon has worms.

2002-08-16 4:01 p.m.

Simon got a fishing pole for his graduation and has been itching to go fishin'. Finally he conned one of his friends into going with him yesterday. So for the last couple of days we've had a cardboard container in the refrigerator labeled "Worms - do not eat." Come to find out that when the moment came and Simon had to impale the worm on the hook he just couldn't do it. Instead he set the worms free under a nice damp stump. How cute is that?

Going to catch me some free Shakespeare in the park this weekend. If you're in Portland I highly recommend that you catch one of these shows!

How does my aura look?

2002-08-14 12:28 p.m.

My morning kung fu senses don't usually awaken until I've had my sixteen ounce shot in the dark. I was drearily standing at the espresso stand waiting for my morning brew to be slung into my Amazon.com mug when there was some commotion coming from the cafeteria. Another junkie was stealing! He paid for a donut, took a huge bite then managed to drop it on the floor. He starts swearing, picks it up and throws it at the cashier. Yelling that he's dropped his donut. I would have leapt into action, being the superhero in training that I am, but he had bad aim and missed the cashier by a foot. He then went and grabbed another donut and started walking away without paying for it. The cafeteria manager started chasing after him asking if he's going to pay for the soda he's put in his pocket. I slowly start inching my way toward her, so I can provide back up. I try to look intimidating so he'll just leave. There's not much I can do in the morning, especially without a caffeine high and I really don't want to touch him because I don't know what else he has in his pockets. He's still walking toward the door but now he's raving and screaming. "You better not mess with me! With a flicker of my mind I can suck away your aura!" he shrieks. He steps out the door and runs away. As far as I know my aura is still intact.

Young Master of Shaolin.

2002-08-13 10:46 a.m.

I'm hooked on a series on the international channel called Young Master of Shaolin. It appears to be set in China with a bunch of kung fu fighting monks. It's very funny and has some great fight scenes including some traditional kung fu weaponry. The only problem is that I don't understand what the characters are saying! It's filmed in a foreign language then dubbed and has Chinese subtitles. From my research I understand there is a Cantonese and a Mandarin version but it's a Vietmenese series. So basically I just watch it and try to figure out everyone's relationship and who is who. Sometimes Simon and I play MST3K and make up conversations for them. I like the fact they have some female characters that get to fight and show off their kung fu skills. I also love the out-takes at the end of the show, watching people screw up their lines, make bad entrances or do something clumsy. Makes me giggle every time. If you get the international channel I recommend catching the show.

Into the cooler with you.

2002-08-12 12:37 p.m.

I'm a very lousy seamstress but for some reason I got it into my head to buy some expensive imported fabric to make a canopy for my bamboo meditation platform. I found some nice black fabric with batik yellow dragons on it from Singapore. I then bought some cool black fringy stuff for the ends and some black cord to tie it onto the bamboo roof. While I was there I also found a fabulous red floral fabric from Africa which I made a table cloth out of. OK, sewing a six foot straight line apparently takes me a few hours. It was getting late and my nerves were fried. I wanted to get this stupid project done. I had the canopy on the floor with my measuring tape so I could calculate exactly where I wanted the ties sewed on. Out of nowhere Loki comes running in at high speed, he hits the fabric and slides into Simon's junk room at mock two, taking the fabric with him. I scream through my gritted teeth. I grab Loki and look him in his cool yellow eyes. "That's it! You're going in the cooler!" I put him into the bedroom which is the only place that has air conditioning and lock him in. I carefully lay my fabric out and get the tape measurer perfectly aligned. I'm about to put the first pin in, after carefully calculating the position of the tie, taking into account wind resistance and the tensile strength of the fabric when the tape measurer starts taking off! I run after it and catch Trinity with it in the bathroom. She's stealing again! ~scream~ Grab Trinity by the scruff of her neck. "That's it! You're going in the cooler too!" I lock Trinity into the bedroom and retrieve the tape measurer. I remeasure. Simon walks in and starts offering unsolicited advice on how to do it easier. I stare at Simon. I visualize strangling him with the canopy. I then wonder how long it would take me to make tiny batik dragon straight jackets for the cats. Simon recognizes the expression on my face and slowly starts backing out of the room.

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