Reason number 286 of why I'm going to hell.
2004-04-11 3:14 p.m.
In order to celebrate Easter I am going to go see Puppetry of the Penis with my friend Beth. She e-mailed me at work last week and said "When I saw this I immediately thought of you." Which at the time I really wasn't quite sure how to take. Is it good that people associate me with genital origami? We're going eat antipasta and sip Italian wine beforehand to get in the right mood. As Beth said "It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'He hath risen!"
So
going
to
hell.
Oh, I decided that I'm going to crash more birthday parties. Friday night was way fun. Happy Birthday Dave!
I also added some more rejected blog titles on the entry below for your viewing pleasure.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraRejected titles for my blog.
2004-04-08 9:51 a.m.
I now give you the rejected titles for my Blog.
Kungfukitten...
...Just another ultra feminine kung fu fighting gothic novelist.
...Not wholesome, damn it!
...Putting the �K� in kwality.
...Now with 20% more bruises.
...Beating up the homeless, one idiot at a time.
...My sifu can beat up your sifu.
...Boys, boobs, blood and banality.
...No longer afraid of sock puppets.
...Now in surround slut!
...Committing suicide slowly, one brain cell at a time.
...More fun than a bucket of ferrets.
...Emotional barfage since August 2001.
...Like Xena only shorter and blonder.
Should have run him over.
2004-04-07 9:32 a.m.
My forearms are bruised and sore from working grab counters in kung fu last night. The neat thing is that even the biggest strongest guy could squeeze the hell out of my forearm and I could easily break his grasp. Body mechanics are so cool.
So I�m driving to work and some guy starts flagging my car down. I stop, thinking that he wants me to call 911 or something because he looks like he was just in a car accident. No, he wants fifty cents for the bus because he�s not feeling well, which translates to �I�m really hung over and need fifty cents to buy another forty ouncer.� Sorry, dorkfuck. I should have run him over.
I�m completely exhausted today. Too much activity and too little sleep. I�ve been working out six times a week and have just added improv classes on top of that. I�ve decided to make Monday �Be Kind to KFK Day.� I�m taking the day off work and I�ve booked a facial and massage at the spa. I will also have a little down time between appointments to sit in the whirlpool. My body and mind will thank me for it.
1 People have tried to sell me ViagraSci fi news makes me happy.
2004-04-06 11:40 a.m.
They're bringing back Farscape for a four hour miniseries to pick up where the series left off. Finally, some closure.
Now will someone please bring back Firefly? At least they have a feature film scheduled.
Improv and laundry notes.
2004-04-06 9:43 a.m.
Hurrah! I got into the improv class. They overbooked the class and three people offered to wait until September and get a discounted price. I got to stay. I think this is going to be lots of fun and should help me get over my stage fright. Last night I got to pretend I was in hell, my husband�s car was on fire, I was a terrified secretary and a naked aborigine. Fun. The only problem with improv is that class gets over close to ten and I end up completely wired out of freaking head when I get home.
A few laundry notes�Ripey: for grease stains sprinkle a generous amount of cornstarch or baby powder over the grease stain, allow it to sit for a couple of minutes, then brush the powder off. The powder absorbs the grease and it brushes off with the powder.
Protoplast also notes that hydrogen peroxide will remove blood stains. Pour hydrogen peroxide over the stain and rinse with cool water. Repeat until the stain in gone.
1 People have tried to sell me ViagraHow to properly do laundry.
2004-04-05 12:18 p.m.
Number one in the Kungfukitten My way or Highway Series. This is dedicated to my (predominately male) friends who own a lot of gray and pink clothing.
Step 1: Separate clothes into four piles. First pile is black or excessively dark clothing such as black, burgundy, navy and forest green. Next pile is neutral colors, such as your jeans, lighter blues, yellows, beiges and grays. Third pile is for white clothes; you may add in light gray if you�re not using *bleach. Fourth pile is the all important red pile. (Red clothes must be washed separately unless you like having all of your clothes pink and want your coworkers to consider you clinically insane. D�oh!) Make sure that shirts are buttoned up and that pants are zipped up. T-shirts with funky logos can be turned inside out to help preserve the printing.
Step 2: Put a load of clothes into the washing machine. Add one scoop of detergent. Set cycle, turn on and walk away. The gentle cycle should be used on all clothes unless you�re trying to remove **stains such as grass stains, dirt or food. In this case you may want to use the regular cycle for maximum agitation. Black clothes should be washed in cold water with a cool rinse to keep from losing all the black dye. If you love your black band T-shirt with wild abandon, you may want to invest in Woolite for Dark Laundry. Red clothes should also be washed in cold water as they have a tendency to "bleed" as well. Neutral colors should be washed in warm water with a cool water rinse. White clothes should be washed in hot water with a cool rinse to help keep the whites bright.
Step 3: When clothes are done place them in the dryer. Add a fabric softer sheet such as "bounce" to cut down on static electricity, add a fresh scent and to keep fabrics soft. Once the dryer is done remove clothes immediately and fold/hang. This will keep your clothes from getting excessive wrinkles and keep you from looking like you still live in the dorms.
A special word about underwear. Men can skip this part unless you have a particularly interesting collection of satin bikini briefs (and if you do, you should probably be writing this instead of me). Bras, panties, pantyhose and tights should be washed in a lingerie bag this will keep your bras from getting loose and strangling other pieces of clothing during the wash cycle. This will also keep your cotton underpants from stretching out to three feet long during the spin cycle. These items should be hung up and air dried as the heat in the dryer will destroy the fragile elastic.
A special word about "Dry Clean Only." Don�t purchase any clothes with this label unless you�re willing to shell out the clams to get it dry cleaned. When they say dry clean only, they really mean it. You may wear that darling rayon shirt or gorgeous wool sweater to the bar, but if you wash and throw it in the dryer you�ll end up with tiny clothes which will only fit your cat.
*Bleach. Bleach should only be used on white clothes. White t-shirts with funny things printed on it can be bleached. Make sure you read the instructions on the bleach container to use the correct amount. Less is more when it comes to bleach. Do not bleach every load of white clothes as bleach is hard on fabric and will eventually wear it down. Once a month is a reasonable amount.
**Blood stains should be washed out in cold water. Hot water will "cook" the proteins and leave you with a recalcitrant stain.
4 People have tried to sell me ViagraHit me, beat me, make me write bad checks.
2004-04-05 9:46 a.m.
Nothing like starting the week out with a bang - make that a quiet popping sound. I spent most of Sunday trying to get my %$#@! lawnmower started. I think I need to take it in for a tune up. What a pain. Of course I own a Miata so I�m not sure how I�m going to get my mower anywhere. I may have to pimp myself out for babysitting duties in order to borrow someone�s truck. My back yard is quickly turning into a wild jungle. I really need to mow, weedwhack and play in the dirt. I feel bad for being such a slacker this fall. There will be no garlic harvest this year.
I�m still not sure if I made it into the Comedysportz seminar. I think I should just assume that no news is good news and show up. I�ll just wave my $90 check in front of them and see if they turn me away.
Speaking of continuing education. Stick fighting! Two days, non stop of getting beaten with a stick! Must balance checkbook and decide whether or not I can go.
0 People have tried to sell me Viagra