So sweet you'll go into insulin shock.

2005-08-30 10:11 p.m.

This made me laugh, but I'm easily amused. I present to you Catsinsinks.com.

New Template! New Website! New Crap!

2005-08-28 10:30 p.m.

My brand new Nikon Coolpix 5600 digital camera with gigantic memory card, rechargeable batteries and stylish carrying case was stolen at the Willamette Writer's convention. If fell out of my bag that Friday night, was turned into the registration desk where it sat for a few hours before someone "put it somewhere safe, oh it will turn up" and was then stolen. I am sick with grief. I even paid for the four year service plan. Of course, the service plan doesn't cover theft or loss. My last ditch effort will be to see if my Visa card covers theft. I'm guessing I'm out $434.00. I could just puke. Lord knows I can't live without a digital camera so I'll have to scrape up the money somehow and replace it ASAP. I'm putting an ad in the WW newsletter but I'm not holding my breath. Damn.

On an upside, so how do you like the new look? Can you read the entries easier? Leave me some feedback and I'll work on tweaking it over the next couple of weeks. You'll also notice that there's a link to my writing website: Kungfupublishing. I encourage you to go there and sign up for the mailing list. I'll soon be posting the first few completely rewritten chapters of Blood for Persephone. I'm also working on getting some artwork for my 2003 NaNoWriMo novel of the vampire slaying librarian Burn for Me done and the chapters posted. I'll continue to provide my fiction online for free until I score an agent so get it while the getting's good. I'm also recruiting other PNW writers to post some of their stuff online. While I'm promoting my crap, my Cafe Press Store is open for business. I've just added a Men's Pirate Cat Shirt. Look for some more gothicy vampire stuff in the future.

*Just a note that the newsletter subscription is a two parter deal, you sign up and get an e-mail that you need to respond to for verification. I promise that newsletters will be infrequent and I'll strive to make them humerous and quippy in typical KFK fashion.

If you want to be my lover.

2005-08-26 9:46 p.m.

I was bitching on the phone about online dating fiasco's to Francesca the other day and she suggested that I write a blog entry on how to date me. So here it is: Kungfukitten's If You Want To Be My Lover Guide.

Your online profile:

1) Post a nice picture of yourself. You have a better chance of getting a response out of me if I know what you look like. Yes, I�m a snob and will only respond to people that I find pleasing to look at, but if you don�t post a picture I�m going to delete your e-mails even if your profile makes you sound like Brad Pitt. While we�re talking about pictures get a friend with a digital camera to take a ton of photos of you and pick out the best ones. Don�t scan in a picture of you at your wedding and crop out the ex. I can�t tell you how many profiles I�ve seen of men in tuxedos or suits with their dates cropped out. C�mon, this is the digital age. Getting a picture online is easier than breathing.

2) Don�t put in your profile a litany of how you�ve been screwed over in the past. Examples I�ve seen recently: �No addicts, don�t even try to contact me if you have a problem with drugs or alcohol.� �I am looking for someone who is SINGLE, and not still attached to their ex.� Save the how they done me wrong spiel for your shrink.

3) Let me know what kind of hobbies and interests you have. Tell me what you�re passionate about and no, I don�t need a physical description of the kind of girl you want to bonk. The more you write about yourself, the more you�ll intrigue me into making the first move and contacting you.

Let's Talk Physical:

1) Hair. When you get to be my age there is an increase in follicularly challenged men. I say just deal with it. Shave it all off, bald is totally in right now so go with it. Women are not fooled by combovers or compensation by growing the back out in an oh so eighties pony tail. If you're in denial over your hair we're going to wonder what else you're in denial about.

2) Your body. Again, when you get to be my age there is an increase men with the beer Buddha bellies. Don�t even think about posting in your profile that you only want to date women who weigh under 110 pounds if you yourself are not Keanu Reeves svelte. Women will read this as shallow and rude. Personally, I work my ass off (literally) to be relatively healthy and attractive and would expect the same out of my mate.

No brainers:

1) Smell-o-matic. This should be a no brainer but it needs to be mentioned. Every morning you should bathe (with soap), brush your teeth, shave and use deodorant. Studies have shown that women have much more sensitive noses than men and nothing will turn a girl off faster than B.O. and bad breath, especially if we can smell it from ten feet away. If you smell bad I will not want you to touch me, let alone let you stick your tongue in my mouth.

2) Threads. Your clothes should be clean, wrinkle free and purchased within the last five years. If you�re clueless about clothing, buy a couple of men�s magazines, such as GQ, Esquire or Details and study the ads. If you�re still feeling intimidated have a stylish girl friend or well-dressed gay man take you shopping.

3) Hair (again.) Get your hair cut on a regular basis. This will make you look neat and increase your cuteness quotient. If you�re clueless about styling your hair, ask your stylist for tips or ask the help of your stylish girl friend or well-dressed gay guy.

4) Hands. Make sure that your fingernails are trimmed short and are clean. Do not chew your nails. Women find this juvenile and kind of gross (unless we�re similarly afflicted in which case we can�t bitch!). Who wants to hold hands with someone with bloody sore nail beds? Not me.

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