Garage Sale
2011-06-28 3:48 a.m.

I'm selling some of my used CDs at Amazon, most are listed at $2.99 with a few rare ones at higher prices. I'll be most likely adding some books and many more CDs. Please help me get my heat turned back on! Going without heat in the summer time is no big deal but my gas stove doesn't work and taking cold showers without being sexually frustrated is a real bummer. Here's the link: Also, my comments currently aren't working because I need to upgrade to a SuperGold account. Until then, please send your comments psychically! If you'd like to gift me a SuperGold account I'd be ever so grateful and I promise to blog like an electrified blogging girl on blogger day! XO

0 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Dances With Toilets
2011-06-27 5:50 a.m.

Everyone knows that pretty girls do not poop or fart. It's considered uncouth and it would ruin our natural mystique. That being the case, you can imagine how perplexed I was when my toilet became became clogged. The only answer I had for this was that a yeti broke into my house in the middle of the night, did his business and used an entire roll of toilet paper. In this blog post, I will teach you how to unplug the toilet with nothing more than a some goggles, dish detergent, hot water, a plunger and a credit card. *McGuyver Theme Music* When a toilet is clogged, your natural inclination is to flush the toilet again, hoping that the sheer force of the water pressure will send the clog spinning down to hell. Instead the water will start rising at the alarming rate and the toilet bowl will overflow. Whatever you do, do not scream and wave your arms around rapidly. This will not stop the water. I know, I tried. Instead, you should turn the knob on the pipe at the base of the toilet, turning off the water to said toilet. You will also need to throw down some old towels and bail out the toilet bowl as fast as you can, throwing the fetid water into a sink, tub or out the window. Step One: get some liquid dish detergent and a plunger. A toilet plunger is the kind which has the insides you can pull inside out, the other kind is actually called a sink plunger and is only good for unclogging sinks or if you have two, for scaling the sides of tall glass buildings. Pour a hefty amount of the detergent into the toilet bowl. The theory is that the viscosity of the detergent will cause the clog to become slippery and squeaky clean and therefore easier to plunge away. Pull the insides of the plunger out, stick into toilet at an angle allowing the plunger to fill with water then start plunging away. Sometimes it's nice to sing a song and get a good rhythm going. I recommend Lady GaGa's "Alejandro." If this doesn't work, try step two.

Step Two: heat up some water until it is very hot. Make sure it is not actually boiling, as boiling water can crack the porcelain. Pour the water into the toilet bowl from waist height. Make sure at this point you are wearing your safety goggles as the funky water may splash. You should also wear some ugly clothes, may I suggest the ugly 1992 bridesmaid dress sitting in your closet that have not been able to part with? The theory is that the hot water when poured from a height will zip through the pipes and soften the clog thus making it easier to plunge. Now plunge like an electrified plunging machine on plunge day. Still clogged? All righty, on to step three.

Step three: This is an absolute surefire way to get your toilet working again. Take out that credit card (No, we are not going to call a plumber) logon to and order what is called a toilet auger. You can also find one of these at your local hardware store. I was able to get one shipped to me within 24 hours for under $15. The toilet auger is basically a long coiled thick piece of wire that you feed through the pipe. You gently guide the coil into the toilet bowl and through the pipe until the clog is pushed free. You should "feel" when it clears the clog. Turn the water back on, flush and rejoice! *High Five!* Now go wash your hands.

0 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Sex Drugs Booze and Bus Rides
2011-06-19 1:02 a.m.

Pushy Bob: "What time does the bus come?"
KFK: "I don't now I just got here."
PB: "Can I sit down next to you?"
KFK: "Sure."
PB: "Do you mind if I have a drink?"
KFK: "Not at all, go right ahead."
PB: Pulls out a paperbag with bottle of mad dog 20/20 in it. "Would you like some?"
KFK: "No thanks, I'm good."
PB: "So, what do you do for a living?"
KFK: "Right now I do nothing."
PB: "I work at the VA Hospital pushing people around all day."
KFK: "Well, at least they aren't pushing you around."
PB: "Ha ha ha! I like you, you're cool. You don't meet many people that are cooool. *pause* Wanna get high?"
KFK: *Diet Coke Spittake* No thanks, I'm looking for a job, drug testing and all that."
PB: "I had to ask."
KFK: "You asked very nicely."
PB: "I'm a gentleman."
KFK: "I can tell."
PB: *pause* "I'm looking to get laid tonight."
KFK: *Bigger Diet Coke Spittake* "Well, you're out of luck with me but the night is young. You may still meet a nice girl. Ha ha"
PB: "You know, I have an apartment close to here."
KFK: "Uh, good for you." *Looking in vain for the bus*
PB: "How old do you think I am?"
KFK: Stare at his face for a second. Sun damage, deep wrinkles, hasn't shaved in a day. I decide to flatter him. "45?"
PB: "Nope, I'm 55!"
KFK: *I look pointedly at the bottle of alcohol* "You're well preserved."
PB: "Why thank you." *Pause* You know what's coming. "Come back to my apartment with me!"
KFK: *Insane Spittake* Unfortunate passenger in car passing by yells "What the!" as they get splattered. "Thank you, but I'm going home. I'm a good girl. Lookie here's the bus!"
"I love you!" He calls after me.

It's been many years since I've been offered alcohol, drugs and sex all in one conversation. For anyone who thinks I may have exaggerated or made up the above scenario, let me assure you, truth is stranger than fiction my friends.

1 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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