Soak me baby
2001-09-26 10:01 a.m.

I was riding the crowded bus home yesterday, minding my own business and reading my book when suddenly I was soaked! Something watery came from above and doused my lap, legs and right hip. My first instinct was to look straight up. I wasn't sure where this bizarre downpour had come from. I looked at the girl next to me and saw that she caught the brunt of the attack. I was overwhelmed by the smell of apple juice. Some dorkfuck standing in front of us turned around and said. "Did I get you with that? Sorry, the cap wasn't screwed on very tight." SCREWED ON VERY TIGHT? Do people normally take their bottle of juice and dump it over their shoulder casually? I don't think he was really trying to be a jerk, though Simon was ready to kick his butt. This guy was tall and lanky but a wimp. Hell, I could have taken him myself. So now this dork is pretending like nothing has happened and this girl and I are staring at each other like "What are we going to do?" We've both been completely marinated in an entire bottle of apple sports drink. Luckily I only had a few more stops to go before I could get home and get out of the sticky wet clothes.

Reminds me of the first time I went to my new hairstylist. I was getting my hair washed and she was giving me a luscious scalp massage. My eyes were shut and I was in this zen like state of ecstacy when suddenly there's water everywhere! On my face, down my front, into my crotch! I jumped up screaming just in time to see that the nozzle has come off the hair washing hose and is comepletly out of control! Everything suddenly goes in slow motion for me. I watch the hose go up in the air and then land very snugly in my hairdresser's cleavage. Now gallons of water are being pumped down the front of her dress. She's screaming and yanks out the hose and turns off the water. Then we both stand there, just staring at each other hyperventilating. Suddenly we realize everyone in the salon is watching us and everything has gone dead silent. Then someone snickers, laughter ensues and towels get handed out. Needless to say I left that day with a bag full of complimentary hair supplies--nice stuff by Bumble & Bumble. I still go to her, she's an excellent hair dresser and fun to chat with.

1 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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