Zest off muther forker
2002-01-30 8:15 a.m.
I was depressed yesterday afternoon. No real reason. Just fighting off a headache and feeling a bit down. So I did what any woman in her right mind would do during her lunch break. I went shopping.With my trusty Christmas Nordstrom's gift card in hand, I hit the shoe department with a vengeance. There on the rack, I met the Love of my Life. They say that love is blind and I believe them because the Love of my Life is also the World's Ugliest Shoes. These shoes were like the angry three legged puppy no one will adopt. I had to have them! I nearly orgasmed when I slipped my pantyhose clad foot into the buttery leather and pulled tight the beige shoelaces. I strutted around in front of the mirrors and then executed a couple of sultry catwalk turns, making sure to toss my hair a bit as I did it. Then things got even better! The shoes were on sale!
I will now describe the shoes: They are dark chocolate brown with sassy beige stripes and thick black rubber soles. They lace up the front with beige shoe laces. They look like they were ripped off from a Milwaukee bowling alley, except they're new and they smell good.
With my newest best friends tucked snugly in their bag I started the hike back to the office. It was just starting to snow. I was minding my own business, standing on the street corner anxiously awaiting traffic to die down enough so I could jay walk. It was then I was accosted by a big scraggly looking guy wearing a button that said "Zest" on it. He shook a coffee can full of change in my face and started barking at me to make a "Zesty contribution!" He was totally invading my personal space so I protectively tucked my shoes behind my back and gave him two fingers up, British style and screamed at him to "Zest off!"
SAVE THE TICK! 0 People have tried to sell me Viagra