The Stupid Gift Game
2001-12-14 8:25 a.m.

I get to leave work early today to take Simon to the airport so he can visit his family for an early Christmas. His father is working in Greenland so this was the only time they could all get together. I'm taking the train up to Washington see my family on Christmas eve. It will be our first Christmas without grandpa which makes me rather sad. I only have one living grandparent left. For me Christmas isn't about religion but about our own wacky family rituals. Like the stupid gift game.

It started out with my grandmother trying to get rid of knick knacks in her house. She bagged up different groups of crap and had us all choose a number. Number one went first and opened a bag: 2 Chinese pin cushion pencils, a bag of change, a candy bar, a calendar from the local barber and a deck of cards. Number two could either steal number one's present or be daring and grab a new present from the table. You get the idea.

The gift game has evolved a bit where everyone now brings their own stupid gift for the pile. Some gifts are cool or useful things, others are just bizarre. We often try to camouflage what the gifts are by wrapping small things in big boxes or putting extremely tacky items in immaculately wrapped Nordstrom's boxes. My contribution to this year's stupid gift game is: a rubber chicken, a tiny fez (the box says "because everything looks better in a tiny fez!") and a bug catapult (it comes with plastic bugs although I'm sure it could fling real bugs). Prizes in past years have been memorable, such as Frankie the Singing Lamppost, a giant trout pillow wrapped in styrofoam and saran wrap to look like a real fish and the best which is sitting in my cubicle right now: A life size cardboard stand up of Dr. Evil. He even has a motion detector which triggers him to say witty phrases such as "Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?" "I'm the boss, need the info." "Throw me a bone here." He's great. If I need a date to an office function I bring Dr. Evil. If someone goes on vacation, Dr. Evil sits in their cube until they return. If we want to scare someone we put Dr. Evil in their cube and turn the motion sensor on. This works especially well on my boss who will scream and leap three feet in the air.

Saturday will be another cookie making marathon with my friend Margaret. I've got three recipes I want to try out: Danish butter cookies, macaroons and probably some type of chocolate chip. If you think you have the best chocolate chip cookies recipe in the world please mail it to me.

Check out Perceptions pictures of New York, they're really great.

0 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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