Blood and Swords.

2006-11-02 5:39 p.m.

Just goofing around on Halloween with my katana sword. I'm an improvisior so for better or worse there's only one take. Kudos to Jasonaut who posted my very first awesome video response. Also why can't I find any fake blood? I had to use lipliner and ketchup. I'm craving french fries now.

Merry Christmas?

2006-11-01 12:51 a.m.

The hippies were extremely busy yesterday. They spent all afternoon dragging supplies to the front of the house to create this festive scene for the trick or treaters. It was quite cute, after the kiddies got a handful of candy from my house they were like "Wow, let's go to the Christmas House now!" I wonder what sort of swag they were handing out over there. When there was a lull in costumized hyperactive children I ran outside to take a few pictures. It was too crazy to pass up.

If you look closely you'll see they covered their lawn with white "snow" stuff. There's also two jack-o-lanterns in the bottom right corner to prove it's Halloween. Do you think I'll have to stare at this amazing monstrosity until January?

It was very busy from about six to seven thirty and then it slowed down. At nine o'clock I had three teenagers all wearing those scream masks. As I was fairly certain they would be my last customers I dumped the majority of my giant tupperware bowl into their bag. They seemed terribly excited. Going out late is always a risk, either everyone it out of candy or they'll just give you everything they have and flip off their porch light. And I had the good stuff: Nerds, Snickers, Crunch, Twix, 1K Grand Bars and M&Ms. At one point Loki shot out the front door in an attempt to escape into the night, but was quickly scared back into the house by a helpful mummy. He stayed inside after that, in fact, every time the doorbell rang he'd puff up and run around in a circle. Apparently he is now afraid of mummies.

My date with a vampire.

2006-10-31 12:24 p.m.

I was over reading Monkey-King and he mentioned his pet rat drinking out of a big mouth bottle of Mickey's which stirred my own Mickey's punk rock goth memory. Let's travel back in time circa 1986. I was seeing a rather nice boy, nice being the operative word, and we were at a party. I don't think I knew anyone there but that was fine. I was happy to sit on the couch and drink until I became interesting.

In comes The Bad Boy, so bad, I can't even remember what his real name was. Black leather, hair dyed black and he looked remarkably like Dave Vanian of The Damned. I was sold. We sat next to each other on the couch with our perspective dates on either side of us. I remember being completely aware of the warmth that our thighs generated as we sat next to each other on the couch. There were a few minutes when we were alone in the basement that night. I was sitting on the washing machine and my long skirt (damn those tube skirts!) was pushed nearly up to my waist so he could nestle between my knees. We were talking and laughing and he was about to kiss me when my druken date stumbled down the stairs and found us. Being a smart boy, my date didn't let me out of his sight for the rest of the evening. I did manage to slip my phone number to The Bad Boy on our way out the door. Our eyes before the front door closed spoke volumes.

The Bad Boy called. How could he not? Our chemistry was outrageous. He was older than me. He had his own car and was old enough to buy beer. His car had suicide doors. I was in love. Actually, I didn't know what love was back then. I was awash in hormones and clothes that were dying to come off. We went to Wapato Park, a local park with a huge lake for swimming (and skinny dipping). We stopped by the 7-11 across the street where Bad Boy bought us a six pack of Mickey's Big Mouths. As the sun set we sat in gazeebo on a counter that people used for prepping their BBQ food, drinking and talking.

Above us birds were darting in and out of the nests they built in the eaves. I was a bit confused about why they were out so late. How could these silly birds see in the dark and I said as much to Bad Boy. The nervousness of us being alone was soon abated after a couple bottles of beer. We talked and he said something funny that had me giggling. His finger roamed up my neck and caught my chin, I held my breath as he turned my face towards him. "Are you afraid of bats?" he whispered as he moved in for the kiss. "No, why?" I whispered back. "Because those aren't birds."

Holy Shcucking Fit.

2006-10-30 3:03 p.m.

I was dead asleep when I was awoken by something big and square ramming me in the face. Big square things should not ram my face while I am sleeping so I freaked out. Big time. One hand grasped my chest because I was having a heart attack, the second hand was frantically reaching for the bedside table lamp, which I knocked over and the third hand was looking for my katana sword which is werid because I don't have three hands and I had moved the sword when I put spring fresh sheets on the bed last evening. As I was struggling with the lamp and trying not to go towards the bright light, I heard this sound: "MEOW! meow meow meow." Like there was a cat in a long tunnel. I finally got the lamp upright and turned on and discovered...

That I was being brutally attacked by a popsicle box. "MEOW! meow meow meow," said Loki who had somehow wedged his head firmly into said box. I was rather impressed by the fact that he managed to navigate himself through the kitchen into the bedroom then onto the bed with a big ass popsicle box on his head. I pulled it off him and he sneezed then sat back on his butt and began to ferociously wash his face.

That will teach me to break down the recycling on a timely basis. Thank goodness this happened while I was home. Also, the new comic is posted. It's about my eyeballs and last week's doctor visit with a special guest appearance by Arnold Schwartzenegger. Enjoy!

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