Wine, tongues and blood types.
2006-12-15 11:18 p.m.

It's a fabulous Friday night and I'm sitting at home watching South Park and drinking a glass of Malbec. To be specific a 2004 Quara Malbec which my wine guy describes as: "Sleek, modern, famous, rare!! The color is INTENSE purple, a palate stainer for sure. The aromas rekindle ripe blackberry pie the way Dear Old Mom and Dad used to make with some black pepper, spice, freshly picked plums and a hint of dark chocolate. Beefy, ripe with nicely rounded tannins and finish that will make you Swoon!" This is good because I could use a serious swoon right about now. Seriously, when was the last time you swooned? When was the last time you were totally floored by someone or something?

Do you know your blood type? If you do you should go here and read up on your bloodscope. It's like a horoscope but based on your blood type. I'm A negative by the way.

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An old fashioned stare down.
2006-12-15 10:42 a.m.

I thought I should take the time to update before I end up getting put on suicide watch by my friends and we wouldn't want that. Wasting their time and all that. My heart is broken on a bunch of different levels. It's been a hell of a week. If these things had happened one by one, I'd have been able to cope better, but I'm just a quivering mess of tears and swollen eyes. I've just come to about the lowest point in my life and like they say - you can only go up from here.

Anywho, I was driving home, chewing on my bottom lip because the pain is distracting and some bastard totally cuts me off without signaling or anything. I do what I normally do in these situation, which is tell the jerk off in colorful language. Of course, he can't hear me because we're in our cars, but his teenage 20ish daughter is in the back seat and she turns and faces me at the red light. Oh baby, we got an old fashion stare down! I never lose at these things. I stared back directly in her eyes. She scowled at me. I slowly smiled at her. Then I winked my right eye. She was a little shaken but was determined to make me pay for yelling at her beloved father, who doesn't know how to use a turn signal or drive in general. I rubbed my lips together then parted them a bit and ran my tongue across my upper lip. She lost it. She turned around and practically smashed herself against the floorboards so she wouldn't have to look at me. We both turned at the light and when I blew past them I made the "Call me" gesture. Bitch. I invented that game.

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Winter just wasnt my season.
2006-12-14 1:50 p.m.

I had the worst day of my life and came home to this. It's my brother's cat, by the way. Fucking hilarious, it was the bright spot of my day. Sometimes the Goddess has a way of saying, you know, it wasn't your time. Hold tight. Light a candle take two vicod1n and we'll call today a wash.

I can't write about work because I work for the CIA killing people* and it's a bit sensitive. Let's just say that this has been a freaking banner week for me. I've pretty much been told that I'm a failure as a woman and as a killer so now I've got nothing. I used to be able to say "Well at least I've got my health" but I can't even say that anymore. I also have a huge zit in the center of my nose and I can't stop crying. Karma fucking owes me. I feel like the biggest loser in the world. There's nothing I like about myself right now.

* I don't really kill people. I just can't write anything here about my work, cathartic as it may be, or I will immediately be Dooced.

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Clumsy me.
2006-12-13 1:22 p.m.

Anyone who's ridden in my car with me, knows that I transform from sweet Kungfukitten into a psycho Hellcat with the verbal repetoire of a long shoreman after driving for just for a few blocks. Well, I'm all about squeezing my car into impossibly small places, but I draw the line at parking illegally. That's why my panties got all in a wad when BMW chick parked her car in front of a fire hydrant and blocked all but three inches of the cross walk.

When the light changed and I was walking across the street in the rain, I saw the familiar blue blinking light. She has the car alarm system that I did! Cool. When I got to her car I had to walk around the back of it, almost into traffic coming from the other direction. So I lifted my skirt and kicked her bumper. Ooops! Clumsy me. I listened to her alarm wail and scream while I skipped up the stairs to the parking garage. And you know what? I had no road rage on the way home, it was just a quiet blissful drive.

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You didnt wash your hands.
2006-12-12 3:15 p.m.

During a month where we are supposed to be Christmas shopping and participating in holiday cheer, at work we've been informated that it would be really really nice if we were to work an insane amount of overtime instead.

Since I have no holiday cheer, working non-stop this month is just fine with me. I don't care. This means each night before I go home, I load up my bag with an insane amount of paper: about the equivalent of four reams of Xerox paper.

So last night, I fill up my bag, grab my purse and get ready to go home, because the cleaning crew is coming soon and they always get cranky when I'm still working and in their way. Aside from being naturally top heavy, I made the mistake of casually throwing my bag up and over my right shoulder.

That's when everything went kind of in slow motion. "Ooooooh Shiiiiiiiiiiit." I murmured as I started going down. I was hoping I'd hit the wall but strangely enough, when I hit the wall, it opened up and I found myself lying on the men's room floor. So while I'm laying there trying to struggle out of my bag that I'm all tangled up in, a tech guy comes out of the stall and his eyes nearly bug out of his head as he steps over me and runs away.

"You didn't wash your hands!" I yelled after him. Although, who could blame him? If I came out of the women's restroom to find a guy laying in the lobby, I would have run away too without stopping to wash my hands. Even if it is cold and flu season. Luckily, it was late in the day and no one saw me wriggle out of my bag, peek out the men's room door and make a mad dash to the elevators.

Also the links to the Novel are now working! You can click on it on the entry below or the NaNoWriMo icon on the right side. Sorry for the confusion. I decided I'll leave it up until Christmas so read now for free or you'll have to wait until it's published and pay $6.99. ;)

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The Bats Have Left the Bell Tower
2006-12-11 6:57 p.m.

You may be wondering what can top sex week? And the answer is nothing, but we'll try by posting my NaNoWriMo Novel. If you're just interested in reading the sex scenes: they're on pages 11, 35, 55, 90 and 126. There is some serious teasing on pages 82 and 117 and the girl on girl make out session is on 149. This novel is something between erotica and romance so please be over 18.

Keep in mind that this was written for National Novel Writing Month and was written during the month of November and is the first rough draft. There are bound to be some typos, mistakes and slips in point of view. Don't even bother wasting your time critiquing it. I'm going to let it simmer for awhile and then go for a serious rewrite. I've only just printed the entire thing out last week.

A few words about the book. Shelley is the romantic poet, Percy Bysshe Shelley. Shelley supposedly died on July 8, 1822, during a sudden storm while trying to sail home to Mary from Livorno to Lerici in his boat The Don Juan. A bloated and partially decomposed body washed up on shore and was identified as Shelley based soley upon on a copy of Keats' poetry found in his pocket. In my vampiric world, Shelley used that book as payment for a sailor to (unsucessfully) sail them home. The Vampire Shelley took advantage of the storm, to end his public life and continue living underground. The is quite similar to the decision that my main character, Helena Amelie Mayfaire has to make during the novel. Does she try to live out a human life or does she choose to publically die and go underground?

I always start out with a disclaimer that the main character is not me. Well, that's a big fat lie, Helena is more like me than any character I've developed, which is probably why I chose to write in third person omnicient, to maintain some sort of distance. Writing this story was a way for me to regain some of my power I lost in the last couple of years. My writing style is action packed and full of adventure. I'm holding your hand and asking you if you're ready. The second you say yes, I'm going to start running and it will take all of your effort to keep up with me, but what fun we will have together! Let me know if you read any of it.

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