Radioactive Raccoon.
2002-06-29 8:10 p.m.
The raccoon seems to be on a pretty stringent fitness routine. He shows up after dark each night to swim laps in the pond. I like how my camera gives him bright green eyes. Sort of like a raccoon that used to hang out at the Hanford nuclear plant.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraI suck.
2002-06-28 12:44 p.m.
I was feeling lazy today and decided to get lunch in the building's cafeteria. It's privately owned but the insurance employees have a subsidized lunch benefit where we get to pay half price during lunch hours and pay taxes on our pay check for the other half. Yes it's confusing but it's kind of nice when you only have a few bucks on you. The food is all right and they've done a full make over where they're calling the pizza "pizzettes" and the sandwiches are now served on foccaccia bread. So I settled on a piece of chicken "pizzette" and a 20 oz. diet coke in the bottle (my absolute favorite way of consuming diet carbonated beverages) and I'm next in line at the cash register. The guy across from me is being rung up for a very small bowl of clam chowder. He's gaunt with sunken cheeks and deep black vacant eyes. He had a scaly dark red rash around his mouth and nose. His arms were covered with open weeping sores. He was obviously homeless. The cashier, a young cheerleader type, notices that he has a strawberry shortcake in a plastic cup stuffed in his jacket pocket. She asks him about it and he falters. He takes it out and explains that it's expired so it's free. The assistant manager whizzes past with a case of Starbucks doubleshots. "No it's not, honey. They're made fresh every day." The manager must have been able to hear because she's suddenly she's standing behind the cashier with her arms crossed against her ample chest. "They're $2.99" she says. "You must have taken the sticker off." The cashier starts to ring him up and he's fumbling with the change in his hand and denies taking the sticker off the shortcake. "I only have enough for the clam chowder." As he's paying he's stroking the strawberry shortcake container with his pocked oozing hands. All I can think of is Oh god, please don't put that back on the shelf and resell it. Oh god, if you do I'll never eat here again. After he paid, the manager angrily takes the strawberry shortcake and throws it into the little garbage can by the cashier right infront of the homeless guy. He makes a high pitched wailing sound like the life is slowly being squeezed out of him. She tells him to leave and never come back. I took my lunch back to my desk and sat down and suddenly had the thought. Why didn't I just buy him the damn short cake? It would have cost me $1.50 and I had enough money on me. It wouldn't have meant anything to me and everything to him. Instead of being compassionate I was rooted in horror as I stared at his open sores. Some buddhist I am.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraIf you liked Googlewhacking...
2002-06-28 8:42 a.m.
So I was hanging out at Fresh Hell and found this silly google game. Go to google and type in "yourname is" and write out the results. Since my first name is the same as a large international city and the results are not amusing, I used Simon's name.
Simon is dedicated to providing solutions that allow our customers to operate within the limits of the law.
Simon is a killer on the loose.
Simon is the author of over 200 highly acclaimed science books.
Simon is worthy of your vote.
Simon is missing in a layer of the Abyss.
Simon is a free swinger who walked just 15 times in 256 at-bats in 2001.
Simon is about "being alive" and learning how to live- not die
Simon is a rock band and you're not.
Simon is a made-up person.
Which Buffy Babe am I?
2002-06-27 3:19 p.m.
But you knew this already, right?
Which Buff Girl Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty
I say we all pitch in and buy Joss Whedon some prozac. The last couple seasons of Buffy have been way too depressing. Recap: Enter Dawn (who my friend Shari refers to as Scrappy Do)who releases hell on earth. Mom dies. Buffy dies by jumping into a void. Buffy gets yanked out of heaven and put back on earth. Willow gets addicted to magic, loses Tara, gets Tara back, Tara gets shot and dies. Buffy has an icky sexually abusive relationship with Spike, sexy at first then nasty and depressing. Xander leaves his demon girlfriend at the alter so Anya goes back to being a vengance demon. Buffy gets shot in the heart. Oh yeah, Warren gets flayed alive then vaporized. I really miss the days when Buffy was all about kicking ass, trite combacks and frivolous relationships. Enough with the heavy stuff, I want the fun back.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraI'm hot but monks are hotter.
2002-06-26 11:31 a.m.
You can tell when it's hot and humid outside because kung fu class attendance dwindles. Our school doesn't really have insulation and there's no air conditioning. We have a series of windows on the eastern side that infrequently catch a breeze. We had six people in class last night and we were all drenched in sweat by the time class was over. I try to rationalize it by telling myself that the Shaolin Monks are working out outdoors in 90 degree weather. We worked an extending backfist technique all night, which is a nice drive by tournament technique. Of course you can also use it to gouge someone's eyes out or go for the throat.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraWould you like some goldfish with your flower?
2002-06-25 9:29 a.m.
Simon comes into the bedroom last night wielding a kali stick.
"The backyard security light went on! The raccoon is back." he says.
"So, you're like going to hit him with a stick?"
I roll out of bed and we go into the mud room with the cats and peek out the window. The raccoon meanders over to the pond and puts his hands in it. Hmmm. Nice and cool. He then proceeds to slip in, head first and starts swimming laps. He rolls over onto his back and starts pulling flower heads off to eat them. What is this? Club Med for raccoons?
Simon nods his head "That's why you didn't want me to put fish in the pond."
The Happy Hostess
2002-06-24 3:23 p.m.
Simon just got his MBA so we threw him a graduation BBQ on Sunday. We asked people to come at 2-3:00 so we could have an early dinner or late lunch since it was Sunday. People showed up at 5-6 and stayed till 10:30. *yawn* It was a very long day. Some friends of ours brought their two children. One is 2 years old and full of aggressive energy. Our house is not child proof or child friendly. I spent most of my time trying to keep the kid from eating the kitty litter, smacking Trinity over the head with a badminton racket, and falling into the pond. At one point he cornered Loki in the back of the garden. Loki was standing on his hind legs, all puffed up and was hissing madly as he bounced forward ready to scratch the kids eyes out. I was amazed, I've never seen Loki get so worked up about anything. Normally this cat is so laid back I'm afraid he'll slip into a coma. Trinity had great fun lying in the middle of the croquet course and attacking the balls after they were hit. Loki eventually sought refuge in the bedroom under the bed. Frankly I wish I could have joined him. It's hard playing hostess sometimes.
0 People have tried to sell me Viagra