Merry Merry.
2004-12-25 8:15 p.m.

I drove up to Tacoma yesterday for Christmas with my family. My brother, in a bout of inspiration, asked that I drive. I don�t have a problem with driving, the problem is I own a mazda miata. It�s not the most useful car for a road trip involving presents, but we packed it to the roof with loot and headed north. The trunk was so filled with crap that when I leaned over and turned the key to open it, I was nearly knocked unconscious as the spring loaded trunk whacked me in the forehead.

Today was annual gift exchange, wine drinking (only 1.5 glasses for me, bummer) and the mandatory gorging. I raked in the DVDs this year: �Shaolin Soccer� �Red Dwarf III and IV� �Kill Bill II� and �Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban.� I actually made my mother and father cry with my printing of the book I wrote in 10th grade. If I knew it was that easy to make them cry I would have cashed in a long time ago.

Driving home was kind of fun. My brother burned a CD of The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition which we listened to. Traffic was fine until the whole bag incident. A huge white plastic bag zipped under my car and got stuck in my wheel well. We had to pull over in a tiny town and parked at The Grange to pry it out from under the car. By the time I got home, my back was killing me (had to sleep on a lumpy couch) and I was totally exhausted. I�ve taken four ibuprofen, one valium and have poured myself a glass of shiraz. The cats are eating their traditional meal of wet food and are shredding my presents. Merry Christmas.

1 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Ass ahoy.
2004-12-23 1:40 p.m.

In a bout of insomnia last night I do what most people do, I leaned over the bathroom counter and obsessively plucked my eyebrows. I was trying to recreate a Sherilyn Fenn naughty girl look. Since it was almost four in the morning, the cats were wide awake and going insane. Loki had just got done rubbing his face on his new high potency catnip toy and was feeling rather frisky. As I was leaning into the mirror to get a closer look at my brows he came running into the bathroom. He jumped up on his hind legs and proceded to whack my ass with alternate paws five or six times before screaming out a battle cry and running from the room. I stood there for a moment thinking that my ass was now covered with a bunch of tiny puncture wounds and feeling odd and a little violated.

2 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Have a Merry Whatever.
2004-12-22 5:42 p.m.

Last night I hosted the annual viewing of "Blackadder's Christmas Carol" and "The Merry Mishaps of Mr. Bean." I had a nice turn out of about ten people including fellow bloggers Francesca and Tracy. Acronym was sick and was sorely missed - (let me know if you want me to bring by the videos and some chicken noodle soup!) I drank a lot of Shiraz last night. So much that my tongue and teeth are still purple. The makers of Crest White Strips are making a killing off me.

Here's the heartfelt customizable Christmas card I handed out to all my friends this year. I encourage you to print it out and use it yourself. The picture of Timberline Lodge is from a postcard I found at a thrift store a couple of years ago. I'm trying to figure out when it was taken. Any gearheads reading this? What year are the cars in the picture? Late fifties? Early sixties?

On an exciting note, I've been invited to join 12% Beer!. How rad is that?

2 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Happy punk rock Christmas.
2004-12-21 10:41 a.m.

I called into work sick/on vacation. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to do it but I did anyway. I've been way too tired and stressed out lately and decided that I could not face another day in the cubicle and I have three days of vacation that I was going to roll over anyway, so here I am.

I had great apsirations of sleeping until noon. That was until the the UPS man showed up at nine to throw a package at me. Then dad just called looking for tech support. He wanted to know how you print cool images on CDs so I walked him through the program. My parent's are pretty computer savvy. You only need to show them something once and they're good at the intuitive stuff but they need a starting point. I guess I won't sleep in today.

I bought a new nail polish color this week called Glacier Bay Blues. I thought it would be all Christmassy festive but instead it looks like I slammed my fingers in the car door and got gangrene. We've having a punk rock Christmas around here anyway.

1 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Pictures with santa.
2004-12-20 1:48 p.m.

I don't remember my parents ever forcing me to get my picture taken with Santa Claus. I'll have to ask them if this was something they ever traumatised me with. I remember being forced to gut fish and get up at 4:00am for clam digging but not santa. I guess I should count myself lucky unlike these people.

Scared of Santa.

2 People have tried to sell me Viagra
The Love Letter Project
2004-12-19 8:31 p.m.

Love letters can be written in many different ways. They can be passionate, lustful, silly, friendly, surreal but they are always heartfelt. This is a collection of notes that I have kept over the years. They are tucked inside notebooks, my Riverside Shakespeare or inside boxes of correspondence. Each has a lot of memories attached and a story. I've provided a tiny explanation with each (let your cursor hover over the heart before you click) but I think the letters speak for themselves. Do you keep your old love letters? What do they say?




3 People have tried to sell me Viagra

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