Merry Fucking Christmas.
2006-12-24 3:18 p.m.
Mum and dad stopped by on their way to Cow Valley (Corvallis) and we exchanged bags 'o gifts. I got a huge box of fabulous crap as modeled by the lovely Loki. I don't have the heart to tell him that they are all for me except for the two packs of Whisker Lickins that he doesn't like. Trin, on the other hand, loves cat treats. Loki only likes wet food and chicken. He especially likes spicy chicken. I think he's part Jamaican. If they made Jerk Fancy Feast he'd be all over that.
I'm currently watching a present I got myself for Christmas. The first season of The Venture Brothers. I'm loving all the extra stuff on the second disc, including the Christmas episode, deleted scenes and the interviews with the guys who do the voices all dressed up like their characters. Freaking hilarious. The set was 70 percent off for most of December and just went back up to a whopping 23 percent off this week. So whoo hoo, here's to fabulous shopping bargains. I also got some neato bonjournais lip stain and a sparkly lip plumper that together make my lips look absolutely delicious. They even taste like cinnamon. Since no one is here to chew on my lips under the mistletoe (except for Trinny who will make out with anyone, the little slut) you'll just have to take my word for it.
I'm currently brained out of my drugs but at least my joints don't hurt anymore. It's such a relief not to be in excruciating pain, that I'm willing to forgo the operation of heavy machinery for a few hours. After that I'm breaking out the zamboni. Merry Christmas lovies and don't cry for me Argentina, I'm alone but doing fine. Actually, I'm not alone, I have cats. Insane cats that decided to play chase at 5:00am which included a series of donuts on my bed an over my wide awake form. I swear to God they have a tiny espresso machine hidden in the house somewhere.
Batman smells.
2006-12-23 9:45 p.m.
I may cancel Christmas. I'm playing it by ear. I don't want to travel an hour and half away from my hospital, yeah, that's how uncertain I'm feeling about my health right about now. I'm most likely overreacting and I figure the worse case scenario would be another round of let's paralyze KFK's face and I have some steroids and antivirals left over (although if it's neurosarcoidosis would I need to take the antiviral? Then again the ER doc told me he was pretty sure this antiviral would be over the counter very soon. You can eat the whole bottle without any ill side-effects and everyone tolerates it pretty darn well, but I digress). Still, I'm feeling weird, kind of blind and with swollen joints and in pain. I also looked up the side effects of Remicade and all the FATAL stuff in bold scared the living shit out of me. What the hell do they want me to inject myself with? Nuclear waste? What is this fresh poison? This crap actually helps people feel better? Me so scared. Just put me in a drug induced coma and wake me up in five years. P.S. Please alter my pants as fashion dictates.
Speaking of drug induced comas. I took a nap this afternoon and when I woke up I sat straight up in bed and said out loud: "I want to be the kind of girl that the men always come back for" and I was crying. I don't quite remember what I was dreaming about, but it was related to those shmatlzy endings where the guy lets the girl go and then realizes that he's made the worst mistake of his life and comes running for her. I always get to the part where the guy lets me go...fuck.
On a happy note I was struck in the brain with a random Christmas memory. My brother is five years younger than me and when we were kids he couldn't remember the "Jingle bells, Batman smells" version of Jingle Bells so I made him a little carolling book. As he couldn't read yet, I wrote it out in pictures. I remember my mother nearly peeing herself, she was laughing so hard at the picture I drew of Batman with little stink lines coming off of him. But it worked, my brother and I were able to sing a parodied Christmas song in perfect harmony.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraReason number 18 of why I am going to hell.
2006-12-22 10:47 p.m.
Does anyone else think it's funny when you put a tape flag on your cat's head and they (Trinny) keep looking up in the air because it's just out of their line of sight and eventually their little ears go flat because they're really pissed and then they shake it off and attack it or they (Loki) keep turning their head sideways and trying to clean the back of their head and when they finally figure out to use their hind leg to scratch the damn thing off they try to piss you off by eating said tape flag and you have to tackle the cat and reach down their throat and pull it out because you'd feel really bad if you gave your cat a bowel obstruction for Christmas. No? Maybe it's just me.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraWant some wine with your steroids?
2006-12-22 3:08 p.m.
I thought I was going to die yesterday. I pulled all the muclses in my arms and shoulders buying some groceries the night before. How sad is that? That on top of everything else, just wiped me the hell out. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I'm considering going back on a low dose of Prednisone myself until I can get back in to see my rheumatologist. The pain is excruciating to the point of crying. Plus my eyes are getting worse and worse and worse. I can barely read this. Total suckage.
When life sucks there's only one thing a girl can do: she dyes her hair. I used L'Oreal Preference 9GR Light Reddish Blonde. It looks better on the girl on the box. She's got a highlighty thing going on and I'm just a very consistent light strawberry blonde. It's all right though, I'm sure it was grow on me or grow out on me, whatever.
I'm feeling a little better today, but I'm still tired and weak feeling. My bilateral carpal tunnel is also flaring up. I may need to break out the attractive wrist braces. Hmm, I think I will take some Prednisone. I'll just redo the short taper my doc put me on last time. It's such a low dosage it won't fuck me up and should make me feel so much better. I need that extra oomph to get me through the holidays. Oh, the holidays. Merry F-in Christmas to me.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraLove in the time of Sarcoidosis, or not.
2006-12-20 11:57 p.m.
I went to see HPD (Handsome Pulmonary Doc) this afternoon. I spent some time in the hospital picking up refills and miscellaneous eye drops from the pharmacy. Then I got my chest x-ray done. I thought for sure I messed the first one up. "Take a deep breath" "Wha-?" *zap* "Oops." But he didn't have me retake it and HPD said my x-rays looked good, if anything better than before so I don't have any sarcoid action going on in my chestal cavity which means my chest pain is stress related. Duh, I kinda thought that.
I'm a perplexing case. If the chest is better then the sarcoid joint pain and blindness should be getting better. I'm almost glad my eyes are fucked up because at least that's something subjective and can be tested and proved aside from me just saying "Hey I have excruciating pain and fatigue!" We discussed low dose prednisone with methotrexate shots at a lower dosage and then he did a literature check and found that some doctors are having success with Remicade if Methotrexate doesn't work very well so I'll have to do some research myself.
At one point he was holding my hands and squeezing my little knuckles bones and although it was painful it was nice to have someone touch me. How sad is that? I am so starved for attention. I was commenting on how my quality of life was and how I wasn't doing normal things like dating and then made the flip comment that sex would probably kill me anyway, but I would be willing to give it a try.
He looked in my eyes and the corner of his mouth twitched and he said. "Really, now?" I felt a shiver go up my spine as his hand tighened around my fingers. "Bring it on." I whispered half jokingly, feeling my face turning red, wanting to pull my eyes away from his but at the same time wanting to dare him into action. Before either of us could rationalize our impulses, his hands wrapped around my waist and he lifted me onto the exam table and was immediately on top of me. His hot breath against my neck, his hands *blinks rapidly* Wait, what did I just write? Oh dear, somewhere along the line I slipped into fantasy. Let's see, yes, right where the italics started.
*A-hem* So anywhoo, we'll redo pulmonary function tests in six months and now I have to figure out what the heck to do about my joints until then. Ultimately, it should be up to my doctors but they seem to like it if I research my options and then go in and request a specific treatment plan. Just call me Dr. Kungfukitten.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraWarm feet, gurney races and yowza!
2006-12-19 10:44 p.m.
I was so excited to get a little package in the mail today from Ms. Valkyrie. She made me booties! I'm such a moron that it took me awhile to figure out what they were. I kept trying to put them on my hands. Then I had a lot of fun putting one on Trinity's head. She looked like a Rastafarian skate punk, but I couldn't get a picture because she would yell at me and shake it off. Doesn't she know that you have to suffer for art? Apparently not. Finally, I snuck up on Loki while he was sleeping and put it on his head and he kindly posed for a picture. I'm sure this will be printed in his memoires under the chapter "Indignities I have Suffered at the Hands of My Owner." Also, here's me wearing them correctly. You can even see the self surgery scar on the right foot. It's doing better since I messed with it. Really, it is:
I get to spend the afternoon tomorrow hanging out at the hospital. We're going to X-ray my chest. I'm guessing I have about a 50/50 chance of having my lymph nodes all explosive again. I've been coughing lately and having severe chest pain but the coughing could be just a cold, my sinuses have been a little sniffly and the chest pain could be work stress. This afternoon I went blind again. By blind, I mean my vision was so blurry I couldn't see the computer screen very well and driving home was an interesting experience. If I blinked a lot I could get my vision clear enough to drive home, but it was a hellacious drive. These are the times in my life when I could really use a partner in crime. Someone to drive me to the hospital and joke around with me about becoming radioactive and what we'll name my seeing eye dog (Scout) and having gurney races in the back hallways, because I know all the secret places in the hospital by now.
Don't forget my NaNoWriMo Novel is only up for five more days so get reading! So far, five of you have read it and given positive reviews. Don't forget it's vampire erotica romance action adventure - rated NC-17 or X. Can books be rated X? Maybe it's just rated Y for Yowza!
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraI Am Podcrapular!
2006-12-19 10:35 a.m.
I am so honored to win the very first prize for Golf Widow and Andy Martello's podcast.
If anyone else is interested in submitting an .mp3 file to them but feels like a technological idiot, here's how I did it. I used a free service called AudioBlog and recorded an audio file (I have a built in microphone) and then it will let you save and download it as an .mp3 which I e-mailed to GolfWidow. It was just that easy! So send them a dick joke and you can be famous, like me. My joke is between the first third and first half of the podcast, but I recommend you listen to the whole thing because it's very funny. 0 People have tried to sell me Viagra
You can go to grad school if you want to.
2006-12-18 9:36 p.m.
This is probably what solidified my interest in Medieval Literature. I assumed that before sitting down to write a few rhyming couplets Chaucer would run through a field with a jester and spin around with a doxy in the middle of town. No one was sick, everyone had cool outfits and no one ever wore hats.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraThe Secret.
2006-12-17 11:43 p.m.
Okay men, I'm going to let you in on a secret that will change your life forever. If you can get this right, women will worship you. You'll be sensitive, yet remain oh so manly. You'll just have to look at women and their panties will magically fall right off them!
When a girl is crying, put your arms around her, kiss the top of her head and say the following words: "I know, honey. Everything's going to be all right."
That's it. Memorize it. When women cry we don't want you to solve our problem, we don't want you to ask us a bunch of questions, we don't want to talk about it, we don't want you to tell us that we're over emotional, ask us if we're on the rag or make some other disparaging comment. And for Godesses sake don't leave! All we want is to be held and told that everythng will be all right. It's that simple. Then just hold us and let us cry. Repeat every five minutes until we stop. In our eyes you will become that magical knight in shining armour sitting proudly on a white horse as the wind sweeps your gorgeously messy hair back from your handsomly chiseled face.
I tried to teach my cats the above but they haven't figured it out yet. I spent about 85 percent of the weekend in bed. Either reading or hiding under the covers unsure if I ever wanted to emerge. Eventually, hunger and desire for Diet Coke won out and I would creep from the bedroom, watch television, only to creep back into the bedroom under the pretense of "Boy am I tired" or "Maybe I'll just read a couple of chapters" and instead I'd hide under all my blankets and comforters and let my body adjust to the memory foam matress pad and lose consciousness again for another three hours. When I'm unconscious I dream and when I dream I'm happy. There's nothing wrong with that is there?
* I think it's rather amusing that the men tended to think that they were the cause of the crying and were a little offended by my advice. I was thinking more along the lines of I come home from the doctors office with news that I'm sicker, something bad happened at work, I was sucker punched by a homeless man, I was in a minor car accident. Stuff like that. Situations where us females are sad, inconsolable and need comforting. Or perhaps you stumble across one of your female friends crying. If you did something to make us cry, then that's a whole other story. If you feel sorry for what happened, then the above will probably work. If not, you're on your own.
0 People have tried to sell me Viagra