Season pass reorganization or how I spent my Sunday afternoon.

2005-03-06 8:42 p.m.

During the last week I�ve had a chance to watch a helluva lot of television and by television I mean Tivo. I haven�t watched live TV in three years. In fact I go insane when I have to watch TV at someone else�s house who doesn�t have Tivo. I bounce up and down uncontrollably during the commercials moving my thumb up and down on an invisible remote control. The only time I will actually watch a commercial is when I see a cat or someone getting hurt. If they are getting hurt by a cat then that�s primo.

This week I�ve had some time to reorganize my season passes* and analyze my viewing habits. I guess if you were to create the perfect show for me based upon my season passes, it would be an animated reality show where doctors solve crimes and catch bad guys in outerspace. Here is my current season pass line up:

Law and Order: Trial by Jury
Law and Order: Special Victims Unit
Law and Order: Criminal Intent
Law and Order
Crossing Jordan
Medical Investigation
ER
House
The Simpsons
King of the Hill
That 70s Show
Numb3rs
CSI
Sex in the City
Masterpiece Theatre
Cowboy Bebop
Harvey Birdman
The Venture Brothers
Wolf�s Rain
Home Movies
Full Metal Alchemist
Sealab 2021
Inuyasha
American Justice
Family Plots
Dog the Bounty Hunter

*Season Pass: the shows you tell Tivo to tape each time they are on. You rank them by preference in case there is a conflict so Tivo knows which one you like more.

I be illin.

2005-03-05 5:32 p.m.

Apologies for not updating but I'm still ill. My face remains painful and swollen despite six days of antibiotics. I haven't done anything exciting to report on. All I do is eat, sleep, nap, whine, roll around on the couch and watch excessive amounts of Tivo.

My brother drove up from Corvallis last night to help me network my iBook and Mac Mini so I could back up my music, manuscripts and photos. The Mac Mini rocks. I love it. I adore my iBook but it's nice doing graphic stuff on a large screen.

My bro, C-Dog and I went to the Olive Garden for dinner. As it was Friday night there was a thirty minute wait for a table and they gave us one of those huge pagers. I asked how far away it worked, because I had my eye on shopping at Cost Plus World Market which is clear across the other side of the strip mall. The teenage hostess told us it only worked in the first couple rows of the parking lot.

We synchronized our watches and went to Cost Plus anyway. I was stocking up on wine, olive oil, easter candy, seat cushions and a metal Happy Hour sign when our pager went off! Pandemonium ensued as we simultaneously dashed for the register, juggled car keys, threw cash around and finally sent C-Dog running through traffic to secure our table.

Dinner was good and the wine helped kill the pain in my face. Plus my house got a swanky face lift. Now, I'm going to take some more drugs and watch Masterpiece Theater.

Almost as much fun as sharks with lasers on their heads.

2005-03-01 8:04 p.m.

I went into my bosses cube this morning pushing on my face and opening and shutting my mouth a lot.

KKF: "Omigod, my face is totally swollen. Look at me, I'm hideous."
Boss: "I don't see anything."
KFK: "Are you kidding me? Look here!"
Points emphatically at jawline
Boss: "You look fine to me."
KFK: "I can't believe you. I'm completely disfigured! I'm dying and you don't even notice."
Boss: "Sorry, I just don't see it."
KFK: Growls and leaves his cubicle

He's a man, what the hell does he know? Men never notice anything. However, I can gaurentee you that if I came to work with my breasts swollen every single man on my floor would notice. In fact there would be many Do Not Get Well cards circulating in the office.

As you know I'm a firm believer in the therapeutic power of shopping. Since I felt like I was going to die and my face was a swollen horrifying mess, I knew that this was something that a mere pair of Italian shoes could not help. Not even a pair of high heeled boots.

You know what they say about an Apple a day? Yep. Got me a sweet little Mac Mini. Almost as much fun sharks with lasers on their heads and cheaper than a pair of Manolos. Plus it's so fricking cute! ~girl squeal~ But really, I'm going to use it as my graphics computer as it is connected to my huge blueberry apple monitor. I'm also going to back up my novels, pictures and music on it for safe keeping. So there are practical reasons why I bought it. Did I mention how cute it is? Also I purchased a new keyboard and mouse so I guess I have a use for that silly mousepad after all.

Jaws Part Three: The Infection.

2005-02-28 11:22 a.m.

I woke up this morning with my jaw stuck shut. The pain was excruciating, somewhere between ice pick in the eye and arm stuck in a wheat thresher level. I took a bath hoping that my jaw would just loosen up and feel better. When I wrapped my hair in a towel I noticed something. My face was decidedly swollen around my jawline. I called the advice nurse and said through clenched teeth "My faesh, is shwollen!" She got me into my HMO by 9:20. I couldn�t believe I was actually getting results, this must be serious. Normally their answer to everything is take two Sudafed and put ice on it.

When I got into the doctor I was elated to have the lowest blood pressure reading I�ve ever gotten at the doctor�s office (132/72). It was the first time that I didn�t have to explain that I have white coat hypertension and if they put me on antihypertensives I�ll just end up passing out a lot. The nurse thought I had TMJ. I thought I had TMJ or tetanus or possibly the mumps. The doctor finally came in and poked and prodded me and looked into my ears and down my throat.

DR: "You have a really bad sinus infection that�s moved into your jaw."
KFK: "No shish? My shaw? No wonfer it hurshts. That�s dishgushting."
Dr.: "I�m giving you some antibiotics to take for two weeks."
KFK: "When shwill I be able sho shalk nomally?"
Dr: "When the swelling goes down."
KFK: "Shokay."

Previous | Next