r u stoopid or lazy?
2006-07-01 8:54 p.m.

I get about five invitations per day from My Space saying: r u on yahoo I want 2 chat with u. u r hot milf. lol. ;) Look Buster, I don't "chat." I have absolutely no interest in typing one handed dirty abbreviated conversations with someone I've never met.

First of all, I am not even going to respond to anyone who is too fucking lazy to capitalize the letter I. Let me also ask you a question, are you too stupid to spell the word "are" and "you" or is this just another laziness issue, because frankly, neither of these bode well for you. If you can't be bothered to spell out a word that is three letters long, then I'm going to assume that foreplay with you would consist of you poking me in my right nipple and saying "u r hot." If you're just terribly stupid and do not know how to spell, then I don't think we'd be a very good match. I've gone to graduate school, I read these things called books, I read Middle English for fun, I study Latin on my own, I go to plays, write novels and enjoy classical music. You don't have to be mensa level to date me, but you should be able to hold up your end of the conversation.

*Bangs head on keyboard.* This is one of those times when I really wish I could drink. *pets liver nicely* Hush, my pet, on my birthday I'll feed you microbrews. The doctor even said it was all right.

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Twas a Rough Night
2006-07-01 12:05 a.m.




Macbeth
Originally uploaded by Kungfukitten.

I went out this evening and watched Free Shakespeare in the Park. They performed the tragedy Macbeth. The play started at 8:00pm, so most of my pictures didn't turn out very well, as it was rapidly getting dark and my camera doesn't do very well in twilight. I love the picture above of Mr. and Mrs. Macbeth snuggling before everything went horribly horribly wrong. I got myself a free T-shirt (with a $20 donation) in a lovely cranberry with gold writing which I am wearing as I type this. "'Twas a Rough Night" is written on the back. That's an understatement. It was great fun, especially when they threw the decapitated head of Macbeth on stage (don't worry it was wrapped in a sheet. No real heads were harmed in the making of this play). I'm looking forward to the Merry Wives of Windsor later this summer. The original Desperate Housewives!

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Nice shoes, wanna have sex?
2006-06-29 11:15 p.m.

About a year ago I started an experiment. I was tired of the usual long elevator rides where everyone stares ahead and pretends that there is no one else in the elevator with them. I decided every single time I was alone in the elevator with someone I would compliment them - on something, anything, as long as it was authentic. Shoes were easy. Everybody has really nice shoes where I work.

Slowly this has evolved into me giving a 45 second improv show to anyone I'm stuck in the elevator with. I compliment them, get them talking and then do my best to make them laugh. If I can get them to make coffee come out of their nose, that's totally bonus.

I'm also an equal opportunity flirter. I'll flirt with anyone for any reason at any time. Last night I got in the elevator with a girl who was wearing a very pretty pink paisy skirt. I complimented her skirt, we talked, we laughed, and then she blushed and started looking at me from under her eyelashes.

Houston, we have a problem.

I've had girls hit on my plenty of times, but have always been able to get out of it gracefully. However, I've never accidentally led someone on. If that was indeed what was happening. You see, I'm fairly oblivious when it comes to girl on girl action. We smiled akwardly at each other for four floors.

Those were the longest four floors of my entire life.

At the bottom we re-smiled at each other and went our separate ways. Luckily, I'm hardly ever in the office and probably won't run into this pretty young thing for quite awhile. I think I'll stick to shoes from now on.

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I really needed a laugh tonight.
2006-06-28 12:40 a.m.

You Tube has allowed billions of every day people to publish their asinine antics on the world wide web. And I couldn't be happier. (I especially love the electrical tape facial and body hair.)

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No heat stroke yet, fingers crossed.
2006-06-27 9:55 p.m.

My house is 86 degrees, but it's much better than 90 degrees from last night. Plus, I've had the door open all evening and a fan on high. The swamp cooler is nice but it raises the humidity and can actually make it feel hotter unless you're seated directly in front of it. The cats languidly move around from room to room mewing pitiously before dissolving into a puddle of fur on the ground. The hardwoods are very popular this time of year. I've been lecturing them on the importance of staying hydrated. The best way to get them to drink water is to pour myself a big glass and say "This is mine, don't drink it!" Loki will immediately drink then Trin will walk over and dip her paw in it while looking directly at you, daring you to reprimand her or chase her off the table. Brat. I've also been petting them with wet hands and holding them up in front of the fans.

I'm sure they're fine and I'm just projecting my own body's ability to go into heat stroke faster than you can say pedialyte. I like the whole losing ten pounds in ten minutes thing, but the rest sucks. I first got heat stroke when I was about seven years old at East Lake on a family vacation. My parents knew something was wrong when I refused to move from the floor (not unlike a cat puddle), not even when I was offerred ice cream for dinner. I don't think we we drove to the nearest city, Bend, looking for a doctor. My father was a firefighter/paramedic. I think their solution was to throw me in the lake to cool my body temperature. What doesn't kill you...

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Hot hot hot.
2006-06-26 10:36 p.m.


Hot Cat With Banana
Originally uploaded by Kungfukitten.

It was a balmy 103 degrees in Portland today. Loki's laying in front of the swamp cooler with his new catnip banana that grandma bought for him. Trin doesn't have a big interest in catnip but Loki's a total nip head. However, I draw the line at tie dye blankets, hemp collars and Phish concerts.

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Happy MILF Day.
2006-06-26 10:38 a.m.

I've got another birthday coming up on July 11th. hint, hint. So I'm going through my normal birthday crap - the omigod where's my husband, where's my baby, where's my big house and my butler named Jeeves that looks remarkably like Steven Frye. What's not helping is all the young cute boys on MySpace that have been leaving me naughty notes calling me a MILF. This has occurred three times this month alone. Holy shit, when did this happen? Wait - I still get carded for beer! I watch anime! I'm on the pill! I haven't actually had any children. When did I cross over into MILF country? I don't know whether to be horribly flattered or slit my wrists in the bathtub while listening to Peter Murphy.* Not to mention the last couple young guys I've dated have jokingly called me their sugar mama. Oh man, I feel so old.

In other news, it's suppose to be 102 degrees today. I don't think my body can handle that, even with a swamp cooler and a fan. Too frickin' hot. Even this morning my house is a balmy 84 degrees.

UPDATE: 12:54am I got a google hit for "I got my skirt lifted up" which let me to an article on Anna Nicole Smith and her wardrobe malfunction at the Grand Ole Opery. I so know what I'm doing for my birthday. Accident, my ass. Well, you know what I mean.

* Joking, it would probably be The Damned.

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