Sick crazy movie watching woman.
2007-05-12 11:03 p.m.
I wasn't feeling very well last night, in fact I felt too sick to sleep which is a very strange feeling. So I took my medication and curled up on the couch wrapped in a big quilt and watched Radio Days that Tivo was so kind to tape for me. It was made in 1987 but I had never seen it before. If you haven't seen it, it's a Woody Allen film that's reminiscent of the hey day of radio. Seth Green plays the main character whose memories we're reliving. It's quite cute and funny. I could relate a little too much to the glasses wearing aunt who wanted nothing more than to get married and have a child yet had nothing but a string of unsucessful dates.
Today I pounded out a few pages of a new novel that's been bouncing around inside my head. I knew I had to do something. I've had an inordinate amount of werewolves jumping into my car whenever I drive down Hawthorne. They can't seem to keep their paws off me. Maybe by starting a new novel it will cut down on the amount of invisible friends I interact with during the day. Of course this will probably just backfire and I'll have even more crazy characters following me around all day, whispering in my ear and trying to monopolize my time. I guess it's better than going crazy.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraGetting an E for Effort.
2007-05-09 9:37 p.m.
Tonight was the first night of my pain class. Either everyone in class has much better drugs than I do, or I'm the only one that's in serious pain there. Everyone else, except for back surgery dude, was able to sit still for two hours. I had to stand half the time and when I did sit, I had to keep moving around because my back was just killing me. Maybe my back felt like it needed to hurt in order to justify being there or possibly I was sucking up everyone else's pain. I'm nice like that. I really thought the class would be filled with back pain people and fibromyalgia patients but we actually had a really broad mix: rsd, arthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, psoriatic arthritis, chronic pain, fibromyalgia, post back surgery and a migraine disorder. Of course there was the one person that said: "I have excruciating pain in every single part of my body every minute of every day." We also had the obligatory Talky McTalkers. You know, the guy who has something poignant to say all the time. The guy who holds up class from being dismissed because he has some important gem to share with the class. As far as Talky McTalkers go, he's all right. I just need to make sure I sit next to him so I can jab my pen into his spine right when class is about to get over and he starts to open his mouth. At one point we had to go around the class and say our names, where we hurt and what we wanted to accomplish from the course. I introduced myself as FiFi Meringue and said I wanted to get laid. At least it shut up Talky McTalkers for a few minutes. We're going to have guest speakers over the next several weeks including a physical therapist, pain management doctor and a pharmacist. I'm planning on asking the pharmacist how to mainline my ibuprofen effectively. I kid, I kid. Class will be fine. They told us we can bring anything to class with us that would make us more comfortable. I'm bringing in my couch and the cats next week.
KFK Dictionary
2007-05-08 4:29 p.m.
Buyqueerious: Adj. The irrepressible desire to buy flamboyant clothing.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraSo sorry brain.
2007-05-08 1:28 a.m.
I made a huge mistake today. Tivo told me that it had taped a really interesting forensic show on the Court TV channel. Well, sometimes my Tivo doesn't communicate very well with the cable box. They have a very tetchy relationship and apparently they weren't talking to each other yesterday, because when I settled down on the couch for some bloody DNA goodness, I was slapped in the face with "I'm dating your best friend and I ain't the daddy of your three babies, bitch." That wasn't even what someone said, it was the actual title of the show. When did Maury turn into Jerry Springer? I remember watching Maury years and years ago when he did shows that were still fairly white trashy but they had psychiatrists on the show to help the dysfunctional families communicate with each other. When I realized what I was seeing I yelled "Oh crappity crap crap" and looked frantically for the remote. Unfortunately it took me too long and as I sat there with remote poised, I felt myself unable to push the menu button. Slowly I could feel my brain cells snapping off one by one. My pupils slowly dilated and I had the strangest desire to eat wonder bread and velveeta cheese. Unable to help myself I gave in and belched loudly leaning back on the couch with my gut hanging out. I could not look away. More than 2/3 of the show was bleeped. I kid you not. Chairs were thrown, asses were shaking at the camera, clothes were ripped off and one girl smacked her straying boyfriend across his face so loudly the entire audience quit whooping and hollering for approximately two whole seconds. I even started talking outloud to myself. "Oh you know he's the daddy of those babies! Just look at the way he's strutting around with his new 'ho. I can't wait to see his face when Maury reads the paternity results. Ha! A woman always knows who's the daddy of her babies. Mmmm, hmmm." It was scary. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats. There were five paternity results read and each group of people were skankier than the last. Some were obviously on drugs. One guy yelled "Maury, I only slept with her when I was drunk. She was a stripper, I know she was sleeping with all the guys at the club." Oh the debauchery! The horror! Whore? Horror! Afterwards I had to take a shower and then I read a chapter in Wuthering Heights to apologize to my brain. The good part? I no longer feel like my life is fucked up.
I want to draw a dress on her.
2007-05-06 10:33 p.m.
I got a packet of information that I'm supposed to fill out for my pain class this week. They gave me one of those little empty people that I'm suppose to color in where I hurt. These always bother me because they don't have faces. So I drew some eyes on mine. Then I put some eyelashes on her because the body has a very masculine physique and this is suppose to be representative of me. Next I decided to give her a little nose and some well shaped lips. I stopped myself from adding hair and boobs. It was hard, but I restrained myself. I didn't want them thinking I was weirder than I already am. I took my time shading in the painful parts. Then I felt like it needed some explanation so I drew little arrows and labeled my shading. It's a bit busy but at least it's representative. I really want to make little clothes for her. It's almost compulsive. Then I filled out the six page questionairre. Who do I live with? Rating my pain. What types of alternative therapies have I tried? What medications have I tried? Then there were a bunch of questions that are designed to find out if I'm depressed without asking me directly if I'm depressed. And there were a bunch of questions asking if I have secondary gain issues without asking me if I do. What is secondary gain you ask? Let's say my pain was due to a car accident and I was still in litigation. It would probably be in my best interest financially to appear very hurt and disabled until I got my huge settlement. See? Or let's say I got fired from work and went on disability. If I hated working, then staying home all day watching sitcoms would sound pretty good. That's secondary gain. Pretty smarmy but people do it. Generally it's not that black and white, but a bunch of grey. Some people like the attention they get from doctors and the more hurt they are, the more doctors they get to see. That's kind of grey.
With that said, I'm excited about seeing the jaw specialist. My mouth is killing me and I would feel better knowing what it was. Even if they can't fix it. I'm tired of worrying about having holes in my bones or nerve damage. I want someone to tell me whether it's arthritis or inflammation. Or both. Whatever. Once I know what it is I'll be able to deal with it better.
I woke up this morning singing Adam Ant and decided that I'd do my self-portrait dressed like him. I was trying to emulate this picture but use his highway man make up. I think it turned out pretty cool.
0 People have tried to sell me Viagra