Meow!
2006-09-23 10:13 p.m.
Code from Paul Stamatiou.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraGive a stripper a chance - CSI.
2006-09-22 10:12 p.m.
Did anyone else watch Part 1 of the season premiere of CSI: Las Vegas? The one with John Mayer guest starring on it? All he does is sing on stage and they set up a sexy scene with Catherine dancing with Nick, then Nick goes off with some pretty young thing and Catherine is slipped a Mickey and wakes up neked in a sleazy hotel room.
Okay, I have two major issues with this: Number one, Catherine's character. Why does the stripper with the heart of gold always have to get continually abused by men? The last time she went to a bar looking for a little male companionship she got beat up in the parking lot. Umm, didn't she go through all her bad guy karma when she was a strippa? Shouldn't she have extremely good bastard radar? Then why do they always have her sexually abused, it's like she has to be constantly punished for bettering herself. You can get off the pole but don't think you'll ever be a normal woman deserving of love and respect. Meet a nice guy? No way, cute men are all criminals. Have a healthy relationship? You wish! Ms. Willows deserves better than that.
Number two: I now associate John Mayer music with Rohypnol and date rape. I'm sure that's exactly what he wanted. I'm sure his agent called him all excited and said: "Yeah kid, they want you to play live on CSI! Yeah, C fucking S, I! This is the big leagues, sport! You'll sing your newest song on stage while that stripper character rubs all over the Nick character! *cough*then she totally gets raped and your song's the soundtrack*cough* It will be great. Sales will go through the roof."
I just listened to "Waiting For the World to Change" on one of my CDs and now I feel dirty. I want to take a shower and stomp all over the CD.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraBeen Tagged.
2006-09-21 9:44 p.m.
Lena has tagged me with the 10 Things Meme. I'm supposed to say 10 good things and 10 not so good thing about myself, so here it goes:
10 Good Things About Kungfukitten
1) I love my kitties.
2) I can make people laugh doing improv.
3) I am over-educated.
4) I just looked up over-educated and it is not a word.
5) I like looking things up and doing research.
6) I can write exciting novels.
7) I am a good kisser (by report).
8) I don't smoke, except after sex and that's a friction thing.
9) I love my friends dearly.
10) I dance for the joy of movement.
10 Not So Good Things About Kungfukitten
1) I wish I were 15 pounds thinner.
2) I've wanted rhinoplasty since I was eleven.
3) I wish I were more forgiving of myself as I am of other people.
4) I wish I were more Buddhist like in my acceptance of other people.
5) I wish my ass didn't have its own zip code.
6) I can't sing very well.
7) I fall down stairs all the time and hurt myself.
8) I wish I were braver and took more risks.
9) I'm shy around new people.
10) I'm too vain.
I'm supposed to tag ten people but I'm going to let you tag yourself. Just leave a comment so I can run over and read your entry and see what's fab and not so fab about you.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraThe Trip Begins with a Kiss.
2006-09-20 9:29 p.m.
I was out of catfood. I poured the last dust of the crunchies in their dish this morning and Trin did her best Oliver Twist impression "Please, mum, can we have more?" before turning around with her tail in the air and storming off. Last night they got a big can of Friskies congealed meat product, the equivalent of kitty cat McDonalds. It looks and smells like crap but to them it's delightful junk food.
There was no way around it, I had to go to the grocery store. I didn't want to drive all the way out to my normal grocery store so I stopped by the huge hippy dippy Fred Meyers on Hawthorne. After picking out my new hair color Feria C80 Quick Shimmer Highlights for Natural medium to dark blonde hair, I started ramming my way around the store, trying to remember all the stuff we were out of.
When I was in the pet food aisle suddenly the speakers blasted on. "Roam" by the B52s started playing at an incredibly high level. Without realizing it, me and everyone else in the store, including the small children, started singing along. Sometimes my life is a muscial. You may think you don't know all the words to Roam but you do. Everybody does. By the time I was loading my crap onto the conveyer belt I was still singing, loudly. Harmonizing with Kate. We'd look cute in matching lampshade dresses, I think, swishing my hips back and forth. Whe the song ended the magic was gone. The store suddenly went deathly quiet, no one was talking, children were silent and there was no more music being played. It was the only song I've heard played in that store. Ever.
Also, I can't remember who said that White and Nerdy by Weird Al was their personal theme song but I found the video online and wanted to share it with you. I read through a bazillion blogs looking for you and gave up. I'm going to read and go to bed. Yawn.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraThe art of negotiation.
2006-09-20 5:25 p.m.
When discussing negotiation tactics at work a male friend of mine said: "My dad told me when I was young that too much masturbating would make me go blind. I thought for a moment and said, how about if I just go until I need glasses?" Ha ha ha ha. I love my friends.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraWhen a video blog goes horribly wrong.
2006-09-19 4:29 p.m.
I tried to film a vlog entry using my digital camera which makes everything look very yellow (it's a Nikon Coolpix 5600 if you're interested). I did this long entry about how my hairdresser broke her ankle and cancelled all her appointments and I cut my hair again myself, only this time I whacked off about two inches off the back. I talked about my bedroom and how it went from angry bordello red after Simon moved out to this weird Geisha girly pink thing I have going on now. I was pulling out my sleeping partner, the katana sword, when everything began to go horribly wrong. As I went back and rewatched the video I cut out most of the beginning and just give you the disasterous part because it's much funnier than anything else I was talking about. Also if you want to friend me on YouTube my username is Toxigenic. You can watch all my vlog entries and see some of my favorite videos like Robo Kiss the cutest Japanese Bubblegum Pop I've ever seen, or Cunningham Muffins which will have you rolling on the floor (thanks VintagePearl!), or watch Captain Sensible play the guitar naked in a plastic dome. Yes, you read that correctly.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraWelcome to Boob Fest 2006
2006-09-18 8:44 p.m.
It's like Ozzfest but without the music and with more radiation; same number of bats. I went to see Handsome Pulmonologist Doc (HPD) today. I had mixed complaints, I felt like I was fairly stabilized but I wasn't sure what knocked me on my ass last week. Since it had been a year, he sent me upstairs to the hospital for a new chest x-ray. I high fived Dale, the technician, and was told to get neked from the waist up (including the bat signal necklace) and put on an unsexy cotton robe. Dale manhandled me a lot to get me into the perfect position. Frankly, it was the most action I've had all year. I nearly needed a cigarette afterwards, but I know how pulmonologists frown on that sort of thing. I wonder what they do after sex?
Dale gave me the huge envelope to take back to HPD's office. Of course, I had to take a peek. My lungs looked like crap to me. Lots of curds and whey like stuff and small white dots. Oh my God, I've got cancer, I thought. (I think this everytime I look at an x-ray.) I took the x-rays back with me, while scheduling chemotherapy in my mind, dictating my will and mentally writing up the trust fund for the cats.
I give the x-rays to the nurse and am led back in my exam room. My room has Sewing Monthly and The Atlantic. I choose to play with the kleenex box and auqua colored gloves instead. As I was reenacting the battle between Lord Nelson and Napoleon at the Battle of Trafalgar (blue fingers as water with kleenex boats), HPD comes in and gestures for me to follow him.
We go into his office and suddenly it's Welcome to Boob Fest 2006! All of my chest x-rays are covering all of the lightboards in his office. I know I've written about this before, but chest x-rays not only show what's inside your chest but also show glandular tissue, as in my boobage. Staring at me from all around the room are my tits. There were six of them, eight if you count the real ones and ten if you include the side view that was briefly up on the light board.
He shows me my most recent x-ray, the one I assumed was riddled with tumors, and it was essentially normal. Lesson learned - Kungfukitten should not be a radiologist. The side view (boobs nine and ten) document some scar tissue in my lyph nodes so I'm going back for pulmonary function tests which are the ones where they lock me in a plexiglass box and I play hyperventilhating hamster.
This is good news! He's super happy about how I'm doing and so am I. I'm actually getting better. I go see the rheumatologist next week - the man with the huge needles and we'll see if we can get me mobile and less fatigued. So all in all, Boob-Fest 2006 was a fabulous sucess.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraHippy Watch Three
2006-09-17 11:56 p.m.
To continue my series of Hippy watching, which is sort of like bird watching, but there's only a couple of them and it's not what they are, it's the bizarre things that they do that make the watching interesting. My crazy ass hippy neighbors have traded in the Magic School Bus for a used police car. I'm starting to think they do all their shopping at government auctions. I bet their house is filled with blood stained oriental rugs and drug dealer's knick knacks. Today he removed the light bar and painted over the police identifiers. I think you have to do all that before you can legally drive it. No pulling over granola girls just so he can hit on them. My neighbor to the left seems as perplexed as I am.
0 People have tried to sell me Viagra