The Friday wrap up.
2004-10-09 2:53 p.m.

I spent yesterday afternoon at the Spa getting massaged, steamed and facialized. It was blissful. I was going to come home and take a nap but noticed how messy my house was and went on a cleaning spree instead.

Then it was out for Mexican food, beers, then onto a birthday party for two people I didn't know (but do now) at the Eagles club. I watched some good karaoke, some bad karaoke and some rather perplexing karaoke but it was all and all a good night. Unfortunately around midnight my contacts started to dry out and I felt as if I was about to turn into a pumpkin.

Spent today doing some more cleaning, it seems to be a never ending battle, which sucks because it's just me and the cats. We can't possibly this dirty. Maybe I'm just this obsessive compulsive.

Just now, I finalized my punk compilation which I've been working on forever:

1. One Hundred Punks - Generation X
2. Alternative Ulster - Stiff Little Fingers
3. (Get A) Grip (On Yourself) - The Stranglers
4. The Greatest Cockney Ripoff - Cockney Rejects
5. Angels with Dirty Faces - Sham 69
6. Viva La Revolution - The Addicts
7. Orgasm Addict - Buzzcocks
8. New Rose - The Damned
9. God Save The Queen - Sex Pistols
10. Hong Kong Gardens - Siouxsie
11. Eighties - Killing Joke
12. 2-4-6-8 Motorway - Tom Robinson Band
13. Anti-Pope - The Damned
14. What Do I Get? (Live) - Buzzcocks
15. Warhead - UK Subs
16. Homicide - 999
17. London Calling - The Clash
18. Tomorrow's Still Alive - The Stiffs
19. TV Party - Henry Rollins
20. Holiday in Cambodia - Dead Kennedys
21. Institutionalized - Suicidal Tendencies
22. Grey Eyed Athena - Senator Flux

1 People have tried to sell me Viagra
New Florida voting booths.
2004-10-08 12:27 p.m.

4 People have tried to sell me Viagra
"I suck as a vampire."
2004-10-07 9:49 p.m.

So The Vampire Effect has gotten some pretty craptastic ratings but Tivo taped it for me off the Action Network. Fucking Hilarious. I love it. Too much wire-fu and not enough real fu for my liking but it's got vampires and kung fu so what could possibly be funner?

If you have extended digital cable in PDX you can see it on Saturday at 6:15pm or Sunday morning at 1:10am. Jackie Chan has a cameo and Donnie Yen was also involved. Blood-o-rific.

Best quote: "Falling in love makes you blind, just look at my dress."

0 People have tried to sell me Viagra
The entry is brought to you by Edelbrock Racing.
2004-10-07 6:55 p.m.

Yo yo yo. So I went to Thrifty Auto Supply with my nails covered in oil and grunge with my list of supplies. I went for the high end spark plugs instead of the average manufacturing brand. I even pretended that I knew what the guy meant when he told me that they needed to be gapped .0440. Yeah, I'm gonna gap those plugs, man! Then came the swearing, the fumes, the broken nail and the burns on the forearms. I have my own ratchet set but couldn't figure out how to reverse the rachetability polarity. I hope they're in there tight enough. Summary of work done:

1) New platinum spark plugs. (who said diamonds where a girls best friend? Platinum all the way)
2) Cleaned out gas lines and feul injection system.
3) New air filter.
4) Oil change with new oil filter.
5) Dumped some HEET into the gas to get ride of water and antifreeze in the gas line.
6) Low on anti freeze, topped it off.
7) Checked spark plug wires.

Trust me, no one was more surprised than me when the car actually started. Holy crap. We have lift off. Now if my car doesn't pass DEQ I'm giving up completely and buying a new one.

KFK number one mechanic on the East Side.

6 People have tried to sell me Viagra
This mortal (motor?) coil.
2004-10-06 9:49 p.m.

The nice thing about having an emotional melt down is that you're left completely empty and can now choose how to fill that space. It's like knocking over your wine glass and can now choose to fill it back up with pinot gris, cabernet or diet coke.

I'm going to attempt to be my own grease monkey. It's not going to be pretty and I'm sure that there will be lots of swearing involved. Lord help me if I break a nail. Someone will pay. I refuse to go to a mechanic and put the bill on my visa. Not when I'm so close to being out of hawk. I'd rather go back to stripping sell off my worldly possessions than get into more debt.

In other news, I woke up with my back seizing up. This has never happened before. It was strange and it hurt a lot. After a couple of handfuls of ibuprofen and some muscle relaxants I was finally able to call sick into work and sleep until noon. Stupid stupid back. I'm hoping that PT will work. I've already tried acupuncture, intuitive healing, chiropractors, HMO circus, referred to a specialist, taken every antiinflammatory ever made...you name it I've done it. C'mon spine! I've got asses to kick and shows to perform. Give me a break.

1 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Kick her! Kick her!
2004-10-05 5:31 p.m.

So I leave work and drive all the way out to Gresham to DEQ. I wait in line in the sun for thirty minutes. My car fucking fails the test. No tabs.

The man behind the counter gives me the print out and says jokingly. "Better go home and get the better half to work on it."

That's when I completely lose it.

"I'm all alone." I wail and start crying uncontrollably. I think I scared the poor technician out of his wits. I don't think he's ever had a girl with a cute sports car break down at the counter.

"OK, OK, here's what you do," he says. "Come back tomorrow but drive for twenty minutes on the freeway. Get the carbaurator really hot. Go to Vancouver, go to Troutdale then come back and try it again. Your car is just a little high on the TCH output."

"Oh-oh-oh-kay," I gasp and take my Sheet of Failure and the handy "So Your Vehicle is Polluting the Environment and Killing All the Salmon" pamphlet.

Then I cry all the way home. It's just the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm not a gearhead (despite my last name) and know nothing about cars other than how to drive them and get pulled over by copcycles. That's not true, daddy taught me how to change a tire, spark plugs and oil. But I don't know anything about THC output. Has my car has been smoking too much pot? What the fuck?

3 People have tried to sell me Viagra
Copcycles and my innate lack of Spidey-sense.
2004-10-05 10:34 a.m.

Guess what, I have a date with a police officer. A court date. Yep, I should have heeded Sifu Patty�s warning earlier. I got busted for expired tabs and now have to haul ass to Gresham DEQ this afternoon then show up for traffic court in November. Officer Thonrsten said he�d drop all the charges against me if "I had all my ducks in a row" by then. Thanks, dude. In other news I�ll just sum up the bad and the good:

Bad:
$94 traffic citation.
Tivo charged me $99 for a Tivo I no longer own.
Disappointed that I�m not living in Paris and have a consumptive boyfriend composer.*
Back still hurts and now onto physical therapy.
Considered calling in sick and staying in bed all day (but didn�t).

Good:
Finally saw Spiderman II last night � awesome.
Social calendar booked through Sunday night � whoo hoo!
Favorite coworker just bought me a cup of coffee to cheer me up.
I ordered a huge shipment of books from Amazon.com.
I�m going to the spa this Friday.

*The George Sand book I�m reading is only 1/3 novella and 2/3 biography, letters, journals and history. I'm becoming obsessed with her relationship with Chopin. Impromptu is on cable next week so I can't wait to watch it again.

5 People have tried to sell me Viagra
The Adventures of Yolanda and Francesca
2004-10-04 07:00 a.m.

In a wild burst of creativity, boredom and angst I drew a comic. First off, I apologize for my remedial art skills. Secondly, Francesca is a much sexier comic heroine than I can draw but I think I got down her new 'do and sexy abs. Plus I wanted a girl with glasses to make KungfuRamone happy. If you can't read the tiny writing there's a larger version here. If you like it let me know, maybe I'll make this a regular feature.


6 People have tried to sell me Viagra

Previous | Next