Beggers can't be connoisseurs, or can they?
2005-10-16 12:48 p.m.
I met my friend Paige for brunch this morning. We went to the Portland Ale House on Hawthorne. I ordered an IPA while I waited for her. There's nothing quite as delicious and hedonistic as having a breakfast beer. Especially when it's a mouthwatering local microbrew. That's the best part of living in Portland. No one bats an eye when you order a beer with any meal. Besides, what the hell do I have to do today anyway? Take a nap? Swallow my medication on time? (medication with the little sticker that says 'avoid alcohol while taking this medication,' d'oh!)
Fully sated, we stand on the street corner between our two parked cars and talk. Our girl talk runs the gamut from favorite sexual positions to psychic readings to the writings of Noam Chomsky. That's what we're like. A street kid sidles up between us.
"Got any spare change?" he asks.
"Sorry." We say in unison. It's not only a knee jerk reaction, but I actually have no cash on me.
"How about leftovers?" he asked quietly eyeing the white box that I am gesticulating with.
I look down. I have forgotten that I'm holding a box holding 2/3 of a breakfast burrito and few cups of home fries. I hand it over to him.
"Here, it's really good." I say.
"Were you just at the Bread and Ink Cafe?" he asked hopefully.
"No, The Ale House."
He looks a little crestfallen but still gently cradles his treasure in his arms, and walks down the street. He'll be pleasantly surprised. I could only eat a small portion of my food even with Paige picking at my potatoes and eating the garnish. That's a damn good meal he got, much better than a handful of change any day.
3 People have tried to sell me ViagraNon-Reactive.
2005-10-14 10:08 p.m.
I got some test results back from my HMO today. It's a bunch of initials that mean nothing to me. Whatever they tested me for, I don't have it, which I guess is good. It had to go through the health department so it was something communicable. TB perhaps?? I've had so many blood tests in the last month that I'm still replenishing my blood supply. Maybe I'm not losing weight at all, I'm just losing so much blood I'm severely dehydrated.
And let me tell you, TB tests are no longer fun. When I was a kid they'd poke your arm with a little four pronged disk and you'd get a cool embossed card to take home with you. If your arm got all bumply then you had TB exposure. So I went into the nurse's station expecting the same easy shmeasy pokey test but the nurse came at me with a big ass syringe.
"I'm here for a TB test!" I say, my voice raising an octive.
"This is the TB test," she snarls and starts wiping down my forearm with alcohol.
"But, but, but-" I garble.
However, it's too late, she's stabbing the needle just below the skin and filling me full of this clear fluid.
I didn't even get a cool little embossed card, instead I had to go back in 48 hours and have the surly nurse look at my arm and document that I didn't have TB.
I stayed in bed until 4:00pm today. I felt exhausted and slept a lot. Plus there really wasn't anything worth getting up for. I was pouting, feeling sorry for myself and riding that irrepresible monthly wave of estrogen that forces me to watch Jane Austen movies, read paranormal romance novels and write really awful poetry. If I'm lucky by tomorrow I'll be back to my normal jaded self.
2 People have tried to sell me ViagraThe girl who wears her heart on her sleeve.
2005-10-13 4:01 p.m.
I've come to the conclusion that I like my fantasy life much better than reality. Le sigh.
1 People have tried to sell me ViagraReason #36 of Why I am Going to Hell.
2005-10-12 9:24 p.m.
Lincoln Told Me To.
Originally uploaded by Kungfukitten.
"I've been trying to get rid of this all night," he said and handed me the five dollar bill.
I consider slamming my plastic cup of wine and buying another just so I can give the five dollars back to him, but I don't. All week long Lincoln has been sitting in my wallet and commanding me to read the New Testament. I think I'll spend the money on a shot of cheap whiskey and a cigarette.
What my cats are actually thinking.
2005-10-11 9:42 p.m.
hug
Originally uploaded by Kungfukitten.
� I bet those little birds would taste great dipped in ranch dressing.
� I believe I shall clean my genitals with my tongue now.
� I bet I can fit my entire body in that tiny paper bag.
� Gee, your armpit smells good.
� Does my fur make my ass look big? Take a closer look.
� Hey, it�s my turn to sit in the tub and watch mummy pee!
� I will perish with hunger if you do not immediately share that turkey sandwich with me.
� I just built an exact to scale replica of the Taj Mahal in the litter box come see!
� Petmepetmepetme DON�T PET ME petmepetmepetme
� I just ate your contact lens. I�m sorry, I thought it was a green skittle.
� Watch what happens when I put my wet nose in her ear while she�s sleeping.
� If I sit on the keyboard will you pay attention to me?
Sinks, the Sinead O'Conner look and a novel idea.
2005-10-11 2:23 p.m.
I just put in the eye drops to blow up my left pupil so I thought I'd type up a blog entry before I go blind (again). Let me tell you, being on disability makes your world very very small. My daily life is accentuated by tiny victories. For example, Sunday I unclogged the bathroom sink. That was fucking huge, I mean I felt like Xena. The rest of Sunday I was in bed or watching Tivo, so you can see how unclogging a recalcitrant sink could be considered thrilling.
Today's adventure was getting my hair cut. We chopped off an inch and added in some sassy layers. I told my hairdresser that I was concerned about excessive shedding lately - I think it's all related to sarcoid, malnutrition and calcium metabolism stuff. She did a thorough check of my scalp and follicles and assured me that I was not going bald. Thank the goddess.
I've been desperately trying to figure out what I'm going to write for NaNoWriMo. Then it hit me this morning while I was watching an old episode of X-Files. I'm going to write a story about Bella Lucynda Haven, Portland Police Officer, assigned to police Portland's supernatural underground: wereolves, vampires, elves, pixie gangs. You get the gist. It's going to be uber humorous along the lines of Stephanie Plum and Aisling Gray. I can't wait to get started on it.
0 People have tried to sell me ViagraIt's my party and I'll whine if I want to.
2005-10-11 8:33 a.m.
I knew it was only a matter of time before the pity party broke out. Don�t feel bad that you didn�t get an invitation � no one was invited. Blame it on hormones, being worn out, feeling like crap or spending entirely too much time by myself, but last night I gave into all my fears, anger and worry and freaked out. I don�t recommend being sick and alone. It sucks. I didn't think it was humanly possible but it both sucks and blows. Eventually the pity party got old and I settled into finishing my book. I�m in between eye dilations � switching from blowing the right eye to the left so I had about 24 hours of unimpaired vision and spent most of it reading. I stayed up until 3:00am and then got up at 6:00am and finished the last three chapters. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats.
Today�s exciting adventure will center around getting my haircut and taking a nap. I was having wild fantasies about dying my hair reddish brown but I think I�ll hold off on the home coloring experiments and instead focus on letting a professional style it. I�m a little embarrassed for her to see my mop as I�ve been trying to cut it myself the last couple of weeks into a strange 70s inspired feathered massacre. Hopefully she can turn it into something clean and hip. Sometimes all a gal needs to perk herself up is a kicky new �do.
Press I.D.
2005-10-10 12:51 a.m.
flickrbadge
Originally uploaded by Kungfukitten.
All the cool kids are doing it so I had to make one too. If you have a Flickr account you can make your own badge here. It is also great fun to go to Flickr and view other people's badges. Choose the view as slideshow option.
3 People have tried to sell me Viagra