Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

2001-09-21 3:22 p.m.

It's been a long time since I've written but it's been a pretty wild couple of weeks.

The world trade center thing really threw me. At first I couldn't believe it was real. The pictures on TV looked so small, like a little sesna running into a side of a house. Then my brain slowly started putting it together, hundreds, thousands of people suddenly killed. When both towers collapsed I went into shock. When the pentagon got hit all I could think of was "we're going to blow someone up. Not a little war but we're going to blow part of the fucking world up because of this." So I've been plugged into the news, afraid if I turn it off I'll miss when we make our move and go to war. I have NPR on at work and am constantly plugged into the CNN website (the best place for up to the second news in my opinion).

The cat incident also threw me for a loop. I intervened on a group of kids getting their dog to attack a cat. I saved the cats life and got the dog the dog locked back into his house. The owners of the dogs were the biggest pieces of white trash I have ever seen. When they opened their front door I could hear the banjos from Deliverance. They looked like extras from the TV show Cops. They feigned interest but really didn't discipline their kid (who is going to grow up to be a serial killer, mark my words). And did NOTHING to help me pay for the vet bill or find the cats owner. Long story short: I paid the vet bill for the cat, kitty's owner showed up at the vet and picked up her cat and took it home (while stiffing me for the bill). I called animal control, humane society animal abuse hotline and the police. The police said they couldn't do anything unless the dog hurt a person. I wish I had been bitten. I'm sure the dog isn't all bad but he shouldn't be allowed to run free in the streets. The owners even admitted the fence didn't keep the dog in and he leaves whenever he wants. I fucking hate irresponsible pet owners.

So between the cat incident and the country at the brink of war I'm a neurotic freaking mess.

I did manage to go to kung fu on Wednesday and related my tale to my sifu who applauded my action and was glad I did something to make the world a better place. Even if it's just a better place for a small arthritic cat with mild spinal damage. I'm tired, pissed off, jittery and angry all at the same time.

I've been reading Anne McCaffrey's "The Skies of Pern" and have been enjoying the subtle love story between Tai and F'lessan. Pern is a calming place to retreat to when the world news becomes too much for me.

I'm studying hard for my Orange belt test. I know testing must be coming up soon. Upon review of my notebook I know there are many things I need to practice and practice I will.

I've lost weight and I'm getting better at sparring. Now I just need to work on my strength and getting my basics down to a flawless powerful art. Time to shut down the computer and quietly leave work early. My mind left about an hour ago, it's time for my body to catch up.

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